The Grand Design

On a macro level, the grand design is the world - the massive mountain tops, the biggest swimming pool where even the largest of sharks feel tiny, and on and on. On a micro level, it is who I am, what I am. All of this points to the question: if there is a grand design, who is the grand designer?

I have been amazed by the writings of a famous physicist, Dr. Steven Hawking, whose views on how the universe was formed has changed over the last decade or so. In his recent book "The Grand Design," Hawking says, "Because there is a law such as gravity, the universe can and will create itself from nothing. Spontaneous creation is the reason there is something rather than nothing, why the universe exists, why we exist."

My response to Hawking is: Define nothing first before using nothing as subject. I've heard Dr. Ravi Zacharias quote someone else's definition of nothing as, "Nothing is what rocks dream about." Now, let us think back to what Hawking is trying to say. Let's say we talk about the law of gravity. Is it nothing, too? If it's something, then who thought about and defined the law of gravity? Who even conceived of such a notion?

If "why we exist" is a matter of spontaneous creation, you and me are reduced to accidents. If we are accidents, then whatever we say and do cannot be absolute. Instead, it's a matter of chance. With that in mind, all Hawking's conclusions and statements cannot be absolute, either.

Chesterton wrote, "The problem in disbelief in God is not that someone ends up believing in nothing, but that they end up believing in anything." This is very true. As days go by, I see people trying hard to believe in anything but God for the creation of the universe and mankind. Any possible tangible explanations give them a kick and the opportunity to explode or create anti-God theories, even when there are so many questions that brilliant minds over time have no clue whatsoever how to answer.

Thanks to people like Hawking, we are given the room to think about what they've said and affirm all the more reason to believe that "The Grand Design" indeed has a grand designer. No amount of nothing could create this design. No matter how hard one tries to explain it away, there will always be that missing link if you exclude God out of the equation.

Even as we read and think may God give us the wisdom to be able to stand up for what we believe. Blessings.

Only One Life

Found this very challenging and encouraging. Only one Life :-) .

Only One Life
By Charles Thomas Studd, Missionary to China, India, and Africa

Two little lines I heard one day, Traveling along life’s busy way;
Bringing conviction to my heart, And from my mind would not depart;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Only one life, yes only one, Soon will its fleeting hours be done;
Then, in ‘that day’ my Lord to meet, And stand before His Judgment seat;
Only one life,’ twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Only one life, the still small voice, Gently pleads for a better choice
Bidding me selfish aims to leave, And to God’s holy will to cleave;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Only one life, a few brief years, Each with its burdens, hopes, and fears;
Each with its clays I must fulfill, living for self or in His will;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last.

When this bright world would tempt me sore, When Satan would a victory score;
When self would seek to have its way, Then help me Lord with joy to say;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Give me Father, a purpose deep, In joy or sorrow Thy word to keep;
Faithful and true what e’er the strife, Pleasing Thee in my daily life;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Oh let my love with fervor burn, And from the world now let me turn;
Living for Thee, and Thee alone, Bringing Thee pleasure on Thy throne;
Only one life, “twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Only one life, yes only one, Now let me say, “Thy will be done”;
And when at last I’ll hear the call, I know I’ll say ’twas worth it all”;
Only one life,’ twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Snooze It ! ! till it becomes a way of life

Every morning it is a big struggle to wake up when the alarm rings. Whoever invented the snooze button must have not been a morning person.What a feeling it is to just snooze the alarm every 5 minutes till you get to the point where you really need to get out of bed. I was thinking about this while I was traveling to work one day. And realized there are times when I use the "Snooze " concept to what God wants me to do. Postponing, procrastinating, lazying around things that I know God has asked me to do. Which actually at one point was an answer to my request "Lord show me what you want me to do". It is interesting how many times that I tend to "Snooze" off God's will for my life but at the same time very eager to know the next step. It is almost like Lord I am still considering that thing you mentioned but in the meantime show me the plan for my future totally Ignoring what God has already asked me to do. I remember what Ravi Zach says " Obedience to known truth is crucial than the search for the unknown" . I remember in 1999 after I had finished Uni it came to light that I had actually missed four semesters which accounted to almost 21 papers that I had to clear. All along I was so focused on Christian activities and asking God's will for my life when I should have focused on what God had already laid in my hand. Praise God that he is true to his word that he can restore the lost years. But it was only after I finished my classes was I able to let God work in my life as now I have cleared the other step. Even in my journey as a Christian and having to make choices all along, Sometimes it is very draining as there are choices that can never be explained to people around you. I sometimes wonder why is God taking his time only to realize that he is waiting for me to Obey what he has already revealed. When it comes to things that God has intended for us it is wise not to "Snooze" it as it only causes us to delay what God has planned. Rather if we get it done then and there it becomes a joy and a sense of contentment that we are by HIS grace able to accomplish things for him. Even as you are reading this my prayer is that you will be able to take a few minutes to see what are the areas/things that God has shown you very clearly time and time again for you to do that you have been happily snoozing off. Hope that will also bring a sense of being obedient to God even as you respond to his Discipline. Watchman Nee summarizes this beautifully "Today, even amongst Christians, there can be found much of that spirit that wants to give as little as possible to the Lord, and yet to get as much as possible from Him. The prevailing thought today is of being used, as though that were the one thing that mattered. That my little rubber band should be stretched to the very limit seems all important. But this is not the Lord's mind. The Lord wants us to be used, yes; but what He is after is that we pour all we have, ourselves, to Him, and if that be all, that is enough" .

Use the filter

I have had the opportunity to work in a multi cultural context for the last 5 years. In different roles first as a student then as an employee and also as a friend. The more people you meet the more you realize how unique we are. How communication can cause miscommunication just cause we are different. There are times I just stand and think you could not have said what you jus said. One good example I will always remember is this one. I was walking with a drummer from our music team. As we were walking home I was telling him how good and a nice guy this guitarist was. Immediately my friend replied he is sick init. I apologized saying I might have heart it wrong and asked him to say it again only to listen to the same words. In my country the word sick is used only when you don’t like the person. I spent the next few seconds thinking he can’t say that about the Guitarist. I mustered all my courage and asked him why did he say what he said. He seemed very confused and kept repeating it again knowing that I had got it wrong. Then he replied saying sick as in good init. That was a big relief. His background where he grew up the word good has been replaced by sick and he had learnt it that way.

Both of us were saying the same thing but the message I got was different. That is just one example I should say. And now being in Singapore and talking to people I don’t hesitate to ask what do they mean when they say what they say. Does it have a culturally different meaning. One thing I have learnt working cross culturally is this. Always filter what the other person is saying. Don’t take it as it is. Whoever it is that is saying it mite not mean the way you think he meant it to be. Especially working in a professional context this happens time and time again. A personality clash comes in because people assume what the other person is saying. Wanting to use the filter to see what words can be taken literally is the last thing that one wants to do. I could have very easily in my own understanding towed my friend off for talking wrong about my other friend.

And every time I try to do it I get drained of my energy and feel I can’t keep doing this. Why cant I just say what I want to say and understand it the way I best understand it. How would I know that someone’s not playing me around with words? How can I trust the other person though from a culturally different background actually knows what he is saying. But I also realize if I need to love people as god loves them I need to have a healthy view of that person. Otherwise my views about the person will mar the way God wants me to see this person. And that’s why using the filter is a good option as it gives the benefit of doubt to the other person and in doing so reduces my chances of harboring any bitterness or misunderstanding.




Words once said can never be taken back it can be treated lightly if the intentions were clarified. We live in a world full of words. Everywhere you go and at anytime there is someone talking. Words never stop to be heard. Words can mean life or words can mean death. I was reading the news paper this morning and it talked about a 23yr young software engineer. He threw himself from a high building after his boss shamed him with his words. It was in the news because that this is the second suicide happening in the same company in 6 months. Words are very important and for a Christian words can bring someone to Christ or take them away from Christ too. And that’s serious !
Even as God gives us his wisdom to understand people and love them may we be strengthened in knowing that we are pursuing an important thing.

A matter of heart

There are times when I grabble with some ideas or thoughts. It just doesn’t go away from my mind. One of which was the conversation between Michelangelo and his teacher. Michelangelo struggled with the unclothed body but justified it by saying he wanted to see man as God sees man. He justified it when his teacher saw his paintings and asked him what he was doing. His teacher replied saying “but you are not God”. What got me thinking was what, is the truth in the statement. Why is that we can’t see human beings as God sees. This question came back and forth in my mind for a few days.

And one morning when I was on the escalator rushing out from the train to catch the bus I got reminded of a verse. “ Man looks on the outward appearance but God looks into your heart” . That’s why we cant see the way God see’s. I can’t and won’t know another person’s heart no matter how close I am there is that very clear fact that only God knows a human’s heart. Well that is a big relief in many ways. Just cause someone draws the physical naked appearance of an individual does not mean he can see as God sees. How easy it is to get disillusioned in many ways to see as God sees. I have heard some in wanting to be as God wants them to be become God themselves in their minds. Self righteousness props out in most conversations and justifies by saying I want to do it as God does. That’s why it is a matter of heart and one which cannot fake itself before God.




It was such an encouragement to me that day of having had that answer. But it did not stop there I started to think what else does God asks us to do the way he does. The only verse that popped my mind is the one in
John 13:34-35
A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.

Some one said “Love is hard work” and as days go by I realize it sure is hard work. I know it can be argued in many ways if Love is something nice then why is it hard work. If love is hard work then it cant be love etc. Many a times I have stopped and thought how can I love this person, this is what he said about me, this is how he treats me and this is how he trusts me. And it is and that point I realize that love is really hard work but one worth pursuing as it is something God asks us to do without any black and white lines.

A Sheeps Life

Recently I was out on a holiday in the lake district with my friends. Driving along the mountains and along the lakes it makes you stop and think what would it take for someone to actually build it if they had to. Huge mountains, picture perfect lakes and green everywhere. Such calmness all around, all that you hear is the gentle breeze and the sound of birds chirping here and there. There is also one more thing that catches your attention, it's the sheep’s everywhere. You stand in front of a mountain and you see these sheep’s in such high places where I don’t think I can climb or walk. They are everywhere along the roads and after some thinking I asked my friend next to me " would someone want to live a sheep's life". Graze all day and sleep and no other worries in life.



The answer I got and the conversations that followed got me thinking. If you really watch these sheep’s you see a massive sense of contentment with what they are doing. They are content in living their life. They can graze even at the mountain top or along the waters. I am don’t think seeing them you think they have any worry at all. And going by that I am sure there will be lots of people who would want to life a sheep's life.

Also every time I saw the birds chirping and flying high up on the clouds I got reminded of the verse in Mat 6:26 "Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? I have been challenged by this verse before but time and again it comes back as a challenge every time in my own humanness I tend to start to worry about the next day.

Being content is not an easy thing and trusting God will show our contentment level as to how much we rest in Him . Everyday there are things that steals us of our contentment and makes us uneasy in life. Every minute there are things that need our worry if I may put it, if our heavenly father feeds the birds faithfully won’t he not satisfy my needs too.

Hare and thare to here I am and now God

"Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,Seal it for Thy courts above"


I came home to realize one evening that there were at least 12 books lying around in my room. I had started reading but not finished even a single one over the last 2 months. It suddenly dawned hmm my routines have changed here. Last few weeks has been a busy with lot of things happening which has taken my time. It has been hard to find that time for myself where I can sit in calmness and reflect on day to day things and enjoy reading a book. I have met and said good bye’s to friends some who I may never meet again.

Well looking back all the things that filled my time were important things, but how did I fit it all in ? I realised that I have spent time with friends, done the things that I would do each week and also added few other things all working towards being there and reaching out but the only thing that got missed out was my time with the Lord. That personal communion in prayer and reading got replaced with busyness of day to day life. And before I realize I am worn out and tired and almost about to be drained in my own struggles of living life.

It is a constant struggle to keep that time with God and talk with him all my thoughts, desires and ambitions. Suddenly all the expectations around me is overwhelming , expectations from me as a Son first then as a brother then as a friend and then finally the expectations from God out of love for me in me being his child. Even though at time I feel that I am standing alone in a journey his comfort engulfs and his word lights my path.

What a joyous feeling it is to come every time to God just as I am, every time I have fallen short of his standards , every time I have kept him waiting to talk to me , teach me, counsel me, all that I do is come just as I am and start talking to him. Knowing that I cannot neglect my walk with the lord and remembering that everything I do hinges on my relationship with the Lord helps when life gets busy and hours gets filled in. To realize that it is me who has missed out on fellowship with God in not making that time is a nice starter.

Like what it says in 1 Peter 2:2-3 “Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, now that you have tasted that the Lord is good”. And first sign of backsliding is when I find myself losing that craving for God’s word and everything else occupies my mind. And Word of God says in Proverbs 1:23 "Turn to me when I warn you. I will generously pour out my spirit for you. I will make my words known to you”. When we turn to God he will make his words known to us and all that demands that personal communion with him.

May God be gracious to us when we lose that craving for his word and start to crave other things and bring us back to him, so that his love and the longing for his fellowship will rule our hearts. It is not a new truth it is an old truth but that which can me missed out in the busyness of our lifes.

Re - Focus

You and I are responsible everyday of our life’s for training our hungers and training our passions. We are filled with hungers we have physical hunger, emotional hunger, intellectual hunger, relational hunger and spiritual hunger and it is imperative in a disciplined way that we train what we begin to enjoy and shun what we know can get us softened up and lose us to the service of the king of kings.

Ravi Zacharias

When God knows best !

There are moments when I feel "God do you surely know what you are doing- this could be the best thing for me" even though I don’t say it I do feel that way. There are times when you hear people's stories and then walk out thinking God maybe you got it wrong that was the best for both of them. Peter did that when Jesus transfigured before them. He was literally telling Jesus what to do. It so true in my humanness I many a times fail to see and commit to the fact that God knows best.

There has been many a times when in retrospect I have fully appreciated God's decision's and leading in my life but when it comes to the here and now it is always a struggle. At a time when thinking about total surrender it strikes me that till I come to the point where even in my humanness I say and feel that God knows what he is doing and he knows what is best it is then that I have arrived at a point of total surrender.

I sure feel a bit daunted with the task ahead of me. When I received my visa last week, there was the sense of silence in my heart saying God I really really feel inadequate and I can’t do this without you being more patient with me. The whole sense of new place, new people, and new circumstances suddenly seem to become a mountain that I don’t want to climb. I want to be in a familiar place amongst familiar people and do familiar things. But it is nice to know that I can be honest before God and share my struggles and ask comfort and strength. Thank God for the burden for lost souls that he has entrusted to us. Each day passes by and somewhere , someone is dying without knowing who Jesus is. It will be worth it all. Our labour in God does not go in vain is the promise he gives us and that is enough. No matter where, what , when , who we are surrounded with God is still there. Place, people, and circumstances will always change but God changes not and his comfort is promised even in the darkest times.

This evening in church the last song we sung was when I survey the wondrous cross and I could not but thank God for what he did on the cross.

When I survey the wondrous cross
On which the Prince of glory died,
My richest gain I count but loss,
And pour contempt on all my pride.

The prince of Glory died, only to give me life. It persuades me to hang in there and travel on and feel Good, humble and honest in saying “ God knows best and his timing is perfect” .

Surrender to Dependence to Intimacy

“ Intimacy begins when we relinquish control of our lives to God"

It is exactly 13 years now since I finished my high school exams. It was not the best of days for me. I had a fractured shoulder with none of my friends around me and sitting in the corner of my room wondering in which police station my bike was held. Unable to communicate and apologise to my dad for the mess I had made and hoping that I will not fail in any of my exams. Sitting in the corner gripped with a sense of fear which I had never experienced before. Wondering how was I going to tackle the people around me and face the situation. How much shame have I brought on my family? Has my life been marred for a life time?

All alone thinking about a friend who just three weeks ago, was playing basketball with me, went to cinema with me having good fun with no worries in life, was now dead, having ended his life by hanging himself leaving a loving mum and dad behind. And thinking about two of my friends again who unable to cope got into drugs and now were spending money on drugs to run away from the situation. Out of 31 in our class how many will actually pass and move on to do university or will the school detain us cause of our behaviour. Will my conduct certificate have a black mark for the mess I had made in school. Having had my own battle against suicide and now wondering what is going on in my life. Thinking I accepted Christ in my life and things should change by now but has it all gone from bad to worse? All thoughts crowding my mind, hoping and wishing there was someway I could go back and change the way things have gone, change the way I acted and reacted.

In retrospect I can see that I had not surrendered any area of my life to Christ, my life did not change a bit, my relationships remained the same, my habits remained the same, my attitude remained the same and I never feared anything not even God. Even though I had accepted Christ into my life there was not a day when I spoke with him , read the word nor took any efforts to change myself. And now when my life was crashing I was wondering “Where is God” . It was all about me, my life, my wishes, my needs and my future. Even now I struggle when there are times when my need becomes bigger than the need round me. How easily I end up working at arriving at having my needs met totally forgetting the fact that there are people out there hurting with a sense of lostness in life. It then strikes me the more I strive to have my need met I forget that it is God who times to provide for my needs.

And 13 years later I have come to grips with the truth that total surrender leads to total dependence which leads/starts the step of intimacy with God. Intimacy with God cannot happen until our dependence on HIM become total. Otherwise it will be more like depending on God when things fail or go wrong. I have been pondering for the last few years what would it feel like to be really intimate with God. Guess at this point I have to admit that even that is a journey in knowing God more and more.

Come every April I think of that time, the time when life was all muddled up. I am ever so grateful to God for just staying close to me and help me step out of the mess. God did at every fall pick me up and he continues to do it faithfully.

“ Intimacy begins when we relinquish control of our lives to God"

Tout pour Jesus

The hospital Nun's in Kathryn Hulme's Nun's story show that, whatever our doctrinal disapproval of religious orders, there is a truly biblical spirit at this point: 'all for Jesus, Sister William had said in the ward pulling on the rubber gloves. Say it, my dear students, every time you are called upon for what seems an impossible task. Then you can do anything with serenity. Say it for the bed pans you carry, for the old incontinents you bathe, for those sputum cups of the tubercular. Tout pour Jesus, she said briskly, as she bent to change the dressing foul with corruption.

It is that time of the year where you think about a good weekend with things to do. Good Friday services back home was always a boring one for me. One because the service lasted 3 hours , two when you came home there wasn’t any tasty food. But over the years all that has taken a back seat and it has proved to be a good time of reflection on Jesus and the cross.

There are two qualifying reasons that I have begun to grasp over the years during this time. One the whole point of the cross was to pay for my sins and two, I can’t do anything about it, it had to be Jesus. The only thing that I am expected to do is if God did what he did what is going to be my response. I have heard it many a times , what is you response is a standard application question but one that demands more and more as years go by. Demands increasing is not a sense of doing more it is more in the sense of God giving you the opportunity to do more. He entrusts you with bigger things every time. Jesus could not have done what he did on the cross if he had not surrendered himself totally. And as demands increase on our lifes God leads us to a point of total surrender.

As Sara Paddison writes in her book Hidden Power of the Heart “ When we know love matters more than anything, and we know that nothing else REALLY matters, we move into the state of surrender. Surrender does not diminish our power, it enhances it” and this is exactly what happens when the demands increase it increases the point of total surrender which in turn only enhances the opportunities that we get to serve God.

Even as we reflect on the Love of God may we also be aware that if reflection does not lead to a response it becomes just another year , another day but if it does provoke a response then there will be that lovely feeling of surrendering our life’s once again for his call and cause. And may we say with a thankfully heart “ Jesus all for Jesus” “Tout pour Jesus” when we do get to serve him in our daily living.

Until next time stay blessed.

New Word Alive 2009 reflections

Just came back from attending New Word Alive in Pwllheli, North Wales. It was an enriching experience in many ways. There were times when sitting out there listening to the scriptures and feel God’s comfort and get reconfirmed with my own commitment. There were times when the scripture was so very clear that it made me wonder why me Lord. I am not worthy of anything that comes my way. My mum always advised me on one thing, when I left home this year she said “ Son stay faithful to God” she knew where my struggles were and looking back I know how unfaithful I have been , how much I have resisted to HIS call on my life.

I remember hearing this sometime back “ In dying you live and in surrendering you win” it chilled me to my bones. Only when I surrender my self to Christ can I win souls for Christ. Surrendering is not an easy thing especially with a God who sees our hearts. You cannot fake it , you cannot hide it, you just got to do it. I was thinking the whole week, we are 2000 students here all highly passionate in worshipping and knowing Christ. What would be the impact if all of us left the place with only one thing in mind “that people may know HIM” . But sadly chances are we are distracted to miss out on the vision and focus and move on to live a mediocre life. I have been there myself if not for the Grace of God my life would have been on a fast lane totally ignorant of what God had planned for me. It is not easy either in the span of 6 days I saw myself getting distracted so very often and mostly thinking Lord why does it have to be this way. Can I not be in one place and do what you have called me to do why do I have to move elsewhere. And that’s when God is his own way reminded me which way do you want it to be son your way or my way.

I remember listening to Ravi Zacharias say “ is it possible to live surrounded by truth without ever applying it in your own life is it is possible to attend missionary conferences every year when they are there and never feel a call for missions is it is possible to listen to an evangelistic sermon a thousand times over and never be evangelised in your own heart, is it is possible to hear sermons on holiness and faithfulness and giving and commitment without it making any difference in our life’s” is it possible. It is highly possible when I try to live the Christian life my way not surrendering my self to Christ.

I still have 3 more months here in Cardiff and surrendering myself is a conscious everyday thing. As each day seems to pass by I know the time is nearing when I got to pack up and leave again fully trusting God for all comfort and support. Everything I hold dear fades away into the distance even as I try to contemplate the move. Remember singing the old hymn sometime back called trust and obey. It was soothening to sing the 4th verse

But we never can prove the delights of His love
Until all on the altar we lay;
For the favour He shows, for the joy He bestows,
Are for them who will trust and obey.

God’s love is demanding of all our self , it makes us do what we got to do, it makes us give up what we got to give up. love so amazing, so divine, demands my soul, my life, my all. It has been a good time at NWA reflecting on the past and committing the future into HIS hands. Resisting all temptation to put confidence in my flesh and resisting all temptation to have it my way. Committing all distractions at the altar and asking strength to move and stay faithful to what he has called me to do. It sure is a struggle but one that is worth it.

Programmed thinking

Finally made time to go and visit my dentist before I left India. Normally there is a sign which says " Please remove your footwear " so once I reached there my hands automatically went to remove my sandals. When suddenly I was stopped by the same board which had a tick mark and said " Please wear your footwear" . For a second I thought I was reading it wrong but no it really did say please wear your footwear. To add to the confusion some people had left their footwear outside.

Having checked the signs again I went in with my footwear only to have people look at me with a sense of, who does he think he is wearing his footwear inside. Soon I realised I was the only one wearing my footwear. Then I began to think how could people have read it and still left their shoes outside. Or it would make more sense that they saw the sign and assumed that it was asking them to remove their footwear as that’s the norm.

While I used to do consulting for organisations during our initial diagnosis and our interviews we will try and see if there is a pattern of programmed thinking. Meaning to say are our clients used to thinking in one way in a given area of responsibility or situation. And most often we find that it is true and first thing that we do before starting our intervention is work through this aspect and make them see things as they are in reality.

Even as I was pondering and waiting for my turn to meet the dentist, I began to think even in my Christian life there are many areas that I am programmed to think in one way. For eg : if I had addressed an issue before, with the wisdom of GOD and by his Grace things got sorted next time around I am programmed to think that GOD will do it the same way and in doing that start to lean on my own understanding of things. There are certain areas where by default I am used to thinking ah I know hoe GOD works in times like this and to my disappointment many a times I am wrong and GOD works through totally different ways.

Last night in our house group we read this quote given to us as part of our material for discussion

“ We see how dependent a little infant is on its mother; and such must we be in the arms of God. We must undertake nothing in our own strength: in no circumstances whatever may we lean to our own understanding: whatever is devised, or whatever is done, the creature must be nothing ; but GOD must be all in all.” Charles Simeon

This really put things in perspective in my mind. It is all not new it is more like a reminder during times when we are most prone to think and lean on our own understanding. It is not an easy lesson either for someone like me who learns more through experiences and by doing things more than once, the tendency is to look at a familiar situation and feel confident that I can work through it. Who thought that a visit to the dentist would prove unusually insightful.

On marriages and becoming one

Last few weeks I have had to go to atleast 7 weddings and a few engagements. Today was the last wedding I attended, it was my best friends sisters wedding. I liked what was spoken during the reception which clearly hit the point on why so many marriages just dont last.

" Marriage is when two people become one - Brilliant, but question is which one " many a times I have heard people talk about their spouses as to how much he or she should change or behave with the idea that the other person should change to become him or her so that they can become one. Someone once told me never enter a relationship thinking that you can change the other person , you will end up doing it for a life time and still not suceed instead keep the mirror in front and see where do you need to change.

I have been bombarded with questions as to why I have not said yes to marriage(as though it is solely dependent on me saying yes). People ask about your life what you are doing and they are happy then slowly they move a bit deeper and ask so when you come down will you start off where you left - then so will that be a nice good job - it will be wont it.. by which time I am slowly changing my body language and trying to move the conversation away . .

Survived these 4 weeks here and looking forward to go to Cardiff for some peace and quiet away from all the so called life defining questions.

God has been good through it all. I have not really lost my temper with any of my uncles. Though one I was almost there but I was able to be diplomatic. But BOY what a world some people think they live in . .


well I better be careful here otherwise what Socrates said might become true. .

"My advice to you is to get married. If you find a good wife, you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher"

A thought to ponder

" I know who holds tomorrow ,
And I know who holds my hands;
with God things don't just happen,
Everything by Him is planned"

New Year – So what ?

Been thinking to write for sometime but never got the time and space to do it. With writing I guess thoughts need to be captured as and when it crosses our mind. I have written at least 4 to 5 themes in my mind but never got to write them down.

Anyway been thinking about the new year and what is it about a new year. Why does it have to be any special than another month and another day. We don’t celebrate a new month do we or a new day.

So much has happened in 2008 most of which caught each nation by surprise. On a macro level things have only gone worse each year. 20th century was called as the bloodiest century of all time and looks like the 21st will beat it. For those in India and all around too the Bombay terrorist attack was something which shook peoples beliefs. If it was natural disaster like the tsunami the world could unite and help but for something like this where will unity come from. Move from the macro to the micro what happened to the Christians in Orissa – India, was also on the same magnitude only difference being this was done by an Indian community in trying to arrive at solutions.

On the relationship side there has never been so much chaos around the world. If it was only wars then loads of people could lead a detached life from reality thinking that nothing can happen to them. But overnight we saw the bankruptcy declaration of Lehman brothers. An organisation known for it's proactive ness and business acumen could not live another day. People lost jobs in thousands and suddenly it seemed the common man was going to go down financially and daily lifes were being affected.

Move to the sports arena and this year saw China beat the US and clinch the Olympic title. Lewis hamilton won his first championship creating records of all types. The mighty Australian cricket team got thrashed and have never been able to recover since then.

All in all, one thing that stands out is the uncertainty in everything. Political scenario in almost all countries is very uncertain. Nobody knows what to expect. Technological progress in itself has not helped the progress of individual lifes. In all this where does a common man’s optimism in life comes from. What is there to look forward to a new year. Will things change suddenly or as they say it is all in the mind.

Asking these questions has made me ask myself what is that I look forward to in the months to come. What difference does it make if you are a Christian. After a bit of contemplation and trying to think through a few areas I have arrived at a simple paradigm which is “ another year to learn to trust GOD and to live a life worthy of my calling “ . Things around us are certainly uncertain but admist all that is GOD’s guiding hand which removes the fear of a future and the panic of the present.

Richard Baxter expresses his thoughts in these lines:

My knowledge of life is small,
The eye of faith is dim,
But it's enough that Christ knows all,
And I shall be with him.

Which is very true. “ I shall be with him” isn’t that the only hope.

Even as we enter a new year , new month lets see the purpose through GOD’s eyes and at the end of it all we shall be with him.

casting all cares on him

Hmm been a feeling a bit heavy at heart recently. Too many thigns weighing my mind. . got remembered of the verse " cast all your cares on him for he cares for you" been trying hard too.. but it is one of those days when thoughts only crowd your mind they dont leave your mind..

I am excited about going home even though it all happened so fast. it has been a bit hard really to unpack all my cares and give it to GOD. been constantly thinking about too many stuff going on in my life.. and it seems like suddenly life is in fast lane . . but thanks to GOD he never lets go of us and even during times like this his patience towards me/ us never changes. . Been realising more and more prayer is such a wonderful way of communicating and I can be myself. . .whilst doing it . .

cant think of a better time to thank GOD for Jesus christ .. there is hope.. even when all of life's troubles crowd our way ... it is important to fix our eyes on Jesus . .

until next time stay blessed . .

2 Corinthians 1:4

who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.

Hmmmmmm

Last few weeks has been mentally tiring but thank GOD the work that I do keeps me going. It is always an encouraging thing to have conversations that point to GOD. In a few days I am flying back home . . I am gonna be home for Christmas after hmm think 4 years. Till last week nothing was planned but now Hmm I am actually going home.
Last week when I was in London I was in a conversation with one of my good friends and we were walking thru my life how things have changed and where I am today. Finally when we finished the only thing I was confident was I have hope in Christ for a future and sadly this friend of mine still hadn’t got it. He had more fears in Life than little hope. He quietly silenced himself by saying good you have but I never will. Sometimes there is that inner feeling that you want people to know GOD through a single conversation it was one of those moments I had while talking to him. But GOD's timing is not ours. Have known him for a few years now and I know a time will come when we will rejoice at him have come to know Christ. For me Christmas has always been about hope..

I have in a sense missed the Christmas activities back home.. Evangelistic music concerts, carol singing till 4 am, visiting family, planning trips with guys, staying in a coffee shop till late night after practise.. hmmm . . I know this time I will be meeting people that I have not met for 4 or more years now , friends who took different paths . . . I know everyone has moved on. But it will be nice to see how it feels to meet someone after so long and catch and talk as thought it was only yesterday we met. I have already decided where all I want to go and eat while I am there, what to ask my mum to prepare when I am there.. apart from other responsibilities that I shoulder whilst my stay there..

I know I will be asked a lot of questions some for which I wont have answers now, I will be questioned for what I have stood for and I know some will understand and some wont. But above all it is time with my Mum and Dad that I am looking forward too.. we have travelled a long distance and my folks have sacrificed a lot of simple pleasures for me to be where I am . . and also hoping to visit my uncle and Aunty and spend some time with them. Funny how in on of my previous post I had mentioned that I'd wish I could do peek into their life’s for a minute and see that they are ok .. and now I actually get to go and see them . . .

In a few more days . . I will be home for Christmas.. cant wait to see the surprised look on my folks face . . ah . . . something’s never change . .

He will never let go ! !

Last few months have been times of gettign to know GOD on a different level. Moving into a different level of trust in GOD which most often in un explainble . But all of it was just about me and GOD. Hard times , difficult times, good times a mix of everythign really. There was one evening I was cycling and I had just encountered something which took me by suprise and off guard. And as I was coming back one thign that was going on in my mind was GOD you really let me down didint you . .but as I went back home and started praying asking GOD for strength ..and the verse that I got reminded was " I will never leave you nor forsake you"

I started writing down these words whilst strumming my guitar..

He will never let go
My Jesus will never let go
He has promised to be there
And he will never let go.

been humming the music for this and it has been a good encouragement for this month. The best place to go when discouraged is to go to the scriptures and get encouraged.

trod on the path that I treaded long ago

Last week was missions Sunday week in my Church. Throughout the day we had various events organised as part of it where during the services it was all focussed on missions. The evening service was internationals service which basically meant that it was run by the internationals team and we had also invited some international students for the service. I was asked to give my testimony during the service.

Life over the last 10 years itself is a testimony and to confine that within a span of 5 minutes was a daunting task. Every time I share my testimony I only share bits a pieces and parts that which I feel GOD leads me into sharing. This time it was the decision that I had to take couple of months ago. A decision that has been difficult but worthwhile. Either to go back home and start off with a nice job which was ready and waiting or volunteer with Friends international and use my next one year of working time in the UK working with International students.

I am glad I shared my testimony as I could see how GOD had guided me clearly even though I was confused, impatient, taking the wide road and falling way short of his standards. I am constantly amazed at GOD's guidance and willingness to work in me and through me. When I quit my Job in India and came back to the UK, there were other reasons too but the heart of the matter was I was struggling deep inside as to what I was pursuing. Is it the career that I think I wanted or has GOD got something else for me. 8 months till April was a very difficult time emotionally, financially and spiritually. Absolutely confused as to where my life was heading, am in the right place am I missing out on what GOD has planned..

IN the morning service I was playing the bass and there was one song which touched my heart and encouraged me .. I couldn’t but think of HIS Love that has always been there following me and helping me come back to HIM . .

There's a wide-ness in God's mercy,
like the wide-ness of the sea;
there's a kind-ness in true justice,
which is more than liberty.
For the love di-vine is broader
than the mea-sure of our mind;
and the heart of the Eternal
is most wonderfully kind.

I have enjoyed my time here in Cardiff,, though I have recently missed being at home and enjoying the simple pleasures in life which comes in living with mum and dad. I have missed my favourite uncle and aunt and wonder how they are doing. Wish I could do a sneak visit in to their lifes and just see that they are all ok.

It is always “amazing grace" that has helped me tread the path that I trod years ago . . and it will be HIS GRACE that will continue to help me tread the path that I need to. Until Next time stay blessed. - Jasper

Loosing the BASICS

I have pondered about writing this one for a whole day now. but thought it was a good one to write to as much as it is hard.

After coming to Cardiff I had wanted to do some regular sports activity. And since I had played hockey quite a bit in my early teen years and since I was good with the basics I thought it will be a good time to start again. The last time I held a hockey stick and went to play was in sept 1996. It was for my college and since I had already played a high level of hockey I was in the college team straight away. That year our college team was not a strong one too so we had to really practise and pull our socks up. I still think about the time when I scored the first ever goal for my college and we had won our first match. The local papers carried out the report my picture was in the news paper and it was a fabulous feeling. After that I had not touched my stick nor entered a playground to play hockey. So all these years I had lived with that feeling of a sense of higher achievement.

And so I thought why not try the local club here and finally landed to practise in the local club here. So I went to play Hockey and by the end of the evening I realised I had lost my touch. I could not stop a ball even once nor could I get past few defenders, nor could I do a pass. But the worst of it all was that I had forgotten the basics, basic rules that make you a big player. Even as I was practising I realised that things were not the same as it used to be. It was not the nicest of feeling. I have very few regrets with regards to the life that I had lived but giving up playing hockey will be on the top. It was a hard night to come home with and have a different to live with the rest of my life. I liked to stay with the nice feeling that I used to be good at it but not anymore.

Well even as I was pondering it within my self and also trying to accept the fact that I am nor more the hockey player I used to be I suddenly got to thinking it is the same even with Christian living. If I forget to get the basics right then Life will not be the same anymore. Simple things like spending time with GOD in prayer and reading HIS word everyday which is needed to have a healthy spiritual life will cease. Finally one day I will end up realising I had lost it, lost the connection with GOD. But thanks be to GOD that with his relationship all that we do is to just acknowledge and ask him forgiveness and start again from where we left. Unlike with the game of hockey it is hard to be how you used to be.

Well I am still trying to get in touch with reality with this one but boy it has been a hard few days trying to accept the truth. Until next time .. stay Blessed.

MY CHOICE - Bill McChesney

Bill McChesney, a missionary in the Congo, was martyred by the rebels in the Stanleyville area. He had been beaten on a truck and his back was bleeding. Then he was speared to death by the “Simbas.” Sometime before his death he had written this poem entitled, MY CHOICE.

I want my breakfast served at “eight”, with ham and eggs upon the plate;
A well-broiled steak I’ll eat at “one”; and dine again when day is done.

I want an ultramodern home, and in each room a telephone;
Soft carpets, too, upon the floors, and pretty drapes to grace the doors.

A cosy place of lovely things, like easy chairs and innersprings,
And then I’ll get a small TV - of course, “I’m careful what I see.”

I want my wardrobe, too, to be of neatest, finest quality.
With latest style of suit and vest, why shouldn’t Christians have the best?

But then the Master I can hear, in no uncertain voice, so clear,
“I bid you come and follow Me, the lonely Man of Galilee.”

“Birds of the air have made their nest, and foxes in their holes find rest;
But I can offer you no bed; no place have I to lay My head.”

In shame I hung my head and cried. How could I spurn the Crucified?
Could I forget the way He went, the sleepless nights in prayer He spent?

For forty days without a bit, alone He fasted day and night;
Despised, rejected - on he went, and did not stop till veil He rent.

A man of sorrows and of grief, no earthly friend to bring relief -
“Smitten of God,” the prophet said - Mocked, beaten, bruised, His blood ran red.

If He be God and died for me, no sacrifice too great can be
For me, a mortal man, to make; I’ll do it all for Jesus’ sake.

Yes, I will tread the path He trod. No other way will please my God;
So, henceforth, this my choice shall be, my choice for all eternity.

Bill McChesney lived with eternity’s values in view. He laid up treasures in Heaven. His chief end in life was to glorify God and to enjoy Him for ever.

There would be less failure in our lives if we dedicated them to the glory of God and to the service of our Lord Jesus Christ. We cannot do this in our own strength but God has given us the power of His Holy Spirit. Let us be willing to share what we have with others.

I have extracted this piece from a website online( http://www.tpgh.org/CLP.htm ) and thought i'd share it here. I had heard it before but was not sure who it was and the story behind it.

God Bless

Standing alone . ..

Hmmm it is almost like taking a heavy breath and saying wow Lord so much in such a short span of time.. I am enjoying being in the center of GOD's will and as everyday passes by I am more assured of his comforting presence in my life . . there are times I think let me just pack my bags and go home and start off better from where I left . . but then I realise that perseverence is also part of GOD's plan for me . .

I see myself in situation where when I say I trust in GOD people think I am nuts.. it is almost like worldly, logically that I should have a firm foundation and then step into what GOD has in store for me. The last time I was faced with that question I thank GOD for revealing that my foundation as long as it is rooted in Christ nothing else matters. Somewhere we are made to think that GOD's work can wait till we find it right to finish all our earthly responsibilities, and forget that it is the same GOD who provides wherever we are. Somewhere in the busyness of our life and in the roles that we take in it has emerged that I have to provide for my family, I have to work on my career, I have to buy my own house. .whereas it is GOD who provides for our family by opening up means , GOD who favours us in our careers and GOD who gives us the earthly posessions.

I am reminded of the verse which says "He who has called you is faithful and he will do it" it is not for me to do it.. my part is to be obedient and you dig further in the scriptures it says "Obedience is better than sacrifice" . . I was meditatiing on the verse which says "the harvest is plenty but labourers are few" . .. and it got me thinking what would GOD say today if he looked at the world. . .

I know at this time of my life there are lot of people who look at me with gazed eyes thinking that I am being arrogant with a sense of "I am holy " attitude . .but I am not.. for me the simple answer to all that is GOD has called me to be doing what I am doing at this moment and thats all that matters.. how he will do it is not for me to ponder.. will he do it yes he will .. when will he do it.. in his own time . . . my part is to fully trust in HIM along the way and live the Life of integrity and obedience that I am called to live.

Many a times I have stopped myself from saying things that I would normally tell people. There are times when my EGO pops up and I am almost about to challenge my side of thinking but I have begin to realise that GOD in his own time will make it all plain and I dont have to always convince or give answers to people. There is still the feeling of standing alone while the crowd is moving the other side but there is also the sense that GOD is with me and as much as I feel I am standing alone I am not as HE has said HE will never leave me nor forsake me . .

Until next time stay blessed . .

Philippians 4:6-7

6 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7 Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

Abide with me . .

Life has been very busy of late , busy in all ways.. there are times when I feel GOd's presence very close and comforting and there are times when I feel far away.and I try hard to even sit down and open the bible...

One important thing I have learnt and I am learning is to trust GOD even in difficult times.. even when all helper's fail and comforts flee . . o GOD abide with me . . It is almost like lord the lessons are very hard to learn.. is there any other way that you can teach me . . but then I get comforted thinking GOD's timing and GOD's ways are perfect.. and there are no two ways about it..

I have seen GOD's comforting hand in my life before.. I have experienced the peace that passeth all understanding.. I have felt GOD's hand leading me in darker times and yet there are moments I feel far away . .so far away when people leave and things change . .

been singing this verse in my mind and thought i'd write it down here . .

The darkness deepens; Lord with me abide.
When other helpers fail and comforts flee,
Help of the helpless, O abide with me.

Swift to its close ebbs out life's little day;
Earth's joys grow dim; its glories pass away;
Change and decay in all around I see;
O Thou who changest not, abide with me.

GOD has been enough so far . . .

The markets crash

Last week has been quite a dramatic week in the financial world.It was shocking to see major financial institutions that people thought were invincible going down and being bailed out. People are living in fears as to whether the great depression of the 30's will return.

What was taught in business calsses as an example of how not too has just happened. In other words history has repeated itself. I was seeing pictures and reactions of people who went to work one day and realised that their jobs were not there anymore. Some whose first day of work actually was the last without being paid. I could not stop to think of all those people who invested all thier time on the financial markets.. I know of some who their only identity was their Job. It is sad in one sense but also maybe an eyeopener in many ways for those affected and also for those who have seen it from afar.

One of the companies Lehman Brother has been in the business for 137 years . . .but overnight it died.. Organisations also have a life time we used to say when I was in my consulting years.. and another reality was organisations also have an organic growth cycle - birth, growth and death but if the right thing was done at the right time death could be delayed not avoided. . by that I meant death of an organisation is inevitable it can only be delayed.. I think this is a clasic example of that ..

When things like this happen in the economy it is interesting to see how the blame game starts.. who do people think is the reason, the CEO's of banks, or the policy makers or the government or the advertising agencies or who . . or does the problem lie within the individuals . ..

Organisations can blame organisations for it's death, or people can blame people for organisations death and in turn the loss of their jobs.. but Bible says there will come a day when we will all stand in judgement for the thigns that we have done and that day there aint gonna be any blame game .. Life will be purely seen as what it was and how it was lived. . . bigger than any catastrophy will that one be if we end up that day to find out ah .. what have I been chasing all my life , have I missed out on Jesus . . . that will be too late..

GOD who looks at our Heart . .

On the morning of 1st of september I woke up thinking another new month has started. It is a normal thing back home in INDIA in our family to go to church on the 1st of every month and be part of a service. AFter coming to the UK I have not done that. But it was nice to look back and see how GOD had lead me this far.

To be honest it has been a few mentally tiring days as I have had done some thinking and spending time on reflecting on my own life. There are times I do wonder how would it have been if I had stayed in my Job in INDIA and kept on with the ambition of hitting it big.. and then immediately my mind relishes on the fact how GOD had provided me and guided me over the last one year. I do not regret at all having taken this path and the comfoting thing is GOD knows our/my heart. There are times and still are when people dont understand why I am doing what I am doing.. but I know GOD understands and he knows the heart of the matter.. being in the center of his will..

With that in mind I was praying and was asking myself some questions.. what do I want GOD to do in my life. or what does GOD have in mind for me for the next one year . . . in many ways even the whole week where I had my orientation was also narrowing down my thoughts to the same question . . by friday one thing stood out in my mind . ." attempt great things for GOD and expect great things from GOD" dont know who said it but I have heard it before.. thank GOD for creating the expectation to expect great things from him . . so that his name will be glorified . .

We were reading about David's life and the turn of events.. what came out clearly was the fact that right from the beginning GOD looked into his heart and not on his accomplishments .. it is easy to get carried away with accomplishments especially those involving christian activities.. but GOD is more intrested to see where our heart is . . and I am learning a lot on trusting in GOD on a daily basis . . .

I am learning what a privileage it is to serve GOD where ever we are, serving knowing that this is where he wants me to be. While playing high school hockey the happyiest times were when I was asked to play either right extreme position or center forward.. because my coach knew my strength and happy because I knew I can score.. as much as I was part of a team I was happy cause I knew that's where I am asked to play...

nothing much to ponder.. until next time .. stay blesed . .

Days go by

Have you ever felt that days just fly by .. It has been a year since I quit my JOb in India and came back to the UK. LIfe has been very very different and the roads that I have taken have been very different too. .

So many things have changed, new friends, new place, new environmnet almost feel my life at the moment is fully new except for a few familiar things .. and those familiar things are the things that I miss the most. Family, food joints, my bike and freinds down the corner od the street . .. but GOD has been good .. in just keeping me safe wherever I am and making me meet the right people at the right time . .

It is comforting to know that he is incharge of my life . ..

In the name of the SON

I had just got off the phone with my parents and thought I should write this down before I get busy with other things and forget this one..

I had spoken to my parents only yesterday and dad called again.. as soon as I heard Dad's voice knew soemthing was wrong as mostly it is mum who starts off or makes the call.. well someone had come home saying that his brother is a good friend of mine in the UK and his brother asked him to visit my home in Chennai, India. Even as Dad was talking mum in her own sweetness once she heard that it was one of my friends brother even without questioning or asking opened our gate and door and let him in. And even as dad kept questioning him and aksed him if he even knew my name or where I lived etc . .he had no answers . . he started sweating and he left.

SO once they knew I would have woken up here in the UK they called me to check if I had a friend by that name I said no and I asked why what's wrong. Then I heard the whole story. Normally I tell my parents beforehand if any of my friends are visiting them or anyone new that I know are going home. ANd any friend of mine will receive the same hospitality as I receive when I am home. It took me few minutes to get back to reality and can only hope my parents will be safe, and also mum will be safe when dad's not home.

Intresting point was that when the person said I am a your sons friends brother mum immediately opened the door. She just had time to think ah this is my son's friend. I could not stop to pause and think as to how the same thing happens even in our christian living we use Jesus the son of GOD's name without even knowing who he is.. and we still get away with it . .. someone said knowing who GOD is, is different from knowing GOD . .

Just a random thought ..nothing much to add.. will do when I ponder over it more . ..

staying focussed even when u dont feel like it

Recently I was asked if I could help out with the guitar for an Indian evening. This was meant to be as part of the INDIAN Independence day and it was organised in a church by the church people. It was also used as an opportunity to reach out to non Christians. When I was called to play I thought they had no one else to help with the music so will go and do it also I was told it was a small group of christians getting together.

Once I reached there me and another friend of mine who was playing the keyboard we realised that most of the songs we did not know. We did not even know who was going to sing or lead . .Also all the songs were in a language that we did not know and the people who were singing were not people who regularly sing and lead. And the expected crowd was 400 hmmmm . . well after all these surprises we had an hour to go through the songs write the chords co-ordinate it with the singing team which had around 10 people. Talk about instant preparation.. this one was fast music . . .

But the only thing that triggered me was the guy who was leading the singing, actually 2 people were wanting to do it and it was almost like an hidden battle for the mike . . and as one person made sure he lead the worship what he did not understand was he was not a one man team. .he had a team behind him and musicians playing the music . Every song went from bad to worse even as he would sing in his own tone and in his own speed start off with one note move to another and slow the pace and suddenly race .. to top it all we did not have a drummer . . In a moment I thought well thats it .. if he does not listen to the music and sing in coordination with the team this is gonna be a big mess.. in my mind I was thinking GOD I cant get embarrassed before 400 people .. playing the guitar . . and in my mind I was battling whether to call him aside and tell him strongly, I did that on stage even as were singing but it was more like a hmm u know can u sing like this or can u slow here etc….

But that’s when it stuck me hard and I realised what would Jesus do.. will he tow him off or let him do the way he wants to or what. . .i figured that I will not tell the person leading any more but will just pray and leave it after all the music we were gonna make were not for the audience it was a worship towards GOD and he understands. .and I just prayed about it and kept quiet..

Finally when we were on stage I had to leave all my negative thoughts and just focus on doing what I was called to do.. out of no where we had a drummer arrive and play for us he did a good job to an extent and the singing was not Ok but I was able to worship GOD even as I played..

Guess sometimes(hahah almost always) GOD just wants us to do our part and leave the result to him. As a musician one of the hardest thing to do is to play alongside people who do not listen nor are willing to play along… especially when we are on stage glorifying GOD and leading people into worshipping him.. the only thing that devil will want to do quite often is to break the UNITY.. because once that is done then no matter how hard we praise and worship it would not have come from a sense of truth and united spirit..

well.. Life has been going on pretty fast of late.. and the future is looking very good.. it is more a matter of staying where I am and letting GOD guide.. in his own pace.. there are lot of things that I desire and miss but father knows best . .

Until next time stay blessed. . . Jer 33:3

Saying good byes

One more time I had to say good byes to people I have just met and made good friends with. Last three months in Torquay has been a time of quietness and learning.But even as time came give a hug and say good bye I realised there are some people I may never meet again. And what do you say to them ! I wish I coudl tell them see you in heaven but knew some hadnt accepcted Christ.

I began to sense this heavness that maybe I will not see them in heaven . . and since then only one thign has been in my mind "People need the lord" . . and how important it is to live that life wherever we are where people can see jesus in us . .

Last few weeks have been a struggle myself in surrendering to GOD areas that I have held to myself over the last seven years. Many a times it is not easy to give it to GOD and not think about it.. but soon I realise that he can do a good Job with it than me doing it . ..

What a Friend we have in Jesus

There are times when I feel that I am passing through a stage of disillusionment and weariness. I see myself telling Lord how much longer before my days are filled with work. I feel this sense of drifting away from the lord losing my spiritual usefulness and vision. Times when Prayer becomes an effort and Bible reading distasteful, and longing creeps in for a stimulus of some kind. And that is the moment to be very cautious about cause when that stimulus is something to drive your pleasure for pleasure's sake and outside GOD's will it is to be brought back to the cross.It could be as simple as idling away time or engaging with thoughts that are not to be engaged with.

Many a times we see how we could encourage others with scriptures and songs and miss out on when GOD is trying to drive the thought home.Whole of last week when I was preparing for the volunteer farewell programme and figuring out what I should say and communicate the only thing which came to my mind was what a friend we have in Jesus. IN fact even in the video I ended with the words of the song sung in background.

Last 3 or 4 days I have felt lonely than ever before, when the evening comes a sense of loneliness engulfs mind and I feel very heavy at heart. I would take my guitar and tears would flow for no reason. I will be afraid to go to bed for fear of walking up lonely. I try not to think about my family back home -mum and dad .. but when I am sick and I have this head splitting headache I just wish for those moments I am home and just taken care of.

And then this song came out from my mouth and I started to sing

"What a friend we have in Jesus"

What a friend we have in Jesus,
All our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry
Everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit,
O what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry
Everything to God in prayer.

It suddenly dawned on me that all along GOD was preparing me for this time of loneliness and make me realize "what a privilege to carry everything to GOD in prayer".

There is much to be accomplished in the days to come and there will be times of weariness but isnt it a nice feeling to have a friend who is there.

I wanted to go and search the background behind this song and it amazed me and made me realise that there are worse tragedies in life than just feeling lonley and GOD is able to fill that gap too in people's life. I am pasting an extract froma website which talks about the origin of this song and the author.

Today's Christian, July/August 2004

"What a Friend We Have in Jesus"
How an eccentric but compassionate Irishman wrote one of our great hymns.
By Lindsay Terry

Joseph Scriven

More than a century ago, on the streets of Port Hope, Ontario, a man could be seen walking along carrying a saw and a sawhorse. One day a rich man from across the street saw him and said to a friend, "He looks like a sober man. I think I'll hire him to cut wood for me." "That's Joseph Scriven," the friend replied. "He wouldn't cut wood for you. He only cuts wood for those who don't have enough to pay." And that sums up the philosophy of Joseph Medlicott Scriven, a devoted member of the Plymouth Brethren Church, who took the Sermon on the Mount literally.

Scriven was born in Dublin, Ireland, in 1819. He fell for a lovely young woman, but on the eve of their wedding she accidentally drowned.

Scriven never recovered from the shock. The Irishman began to wander, hoping to forget his sorrow. At age 25, he finally settled in Canada.

His faith led him to do menial tasks for poor widows and the sick. He often worked for no wages and was regarded by the people of the community as a kind man, albeit a bit odd.

He later fell in love again and planned to marry a wonderful Canadian woman. But again, tragedy struck. His fiance died after contracting pneumonia.

In 1855, a friend visited an ill Scriven and discovered a poem that he had written for his ailing mother in faraway Ireland. Scriven didn't have the money to visit her, but he sent her the poem as an encouragement. He called it "Pray Without Ceasing." When the friend inquired about the poem's origins, Scriven reportedly answered, "The Lord and I did it between us."

Scriven never intended for the poem to be published, but it made its rounds, and was set to music in 1868 by musician Charles Converse, who titled it "What a Friend We Have in Jesus." It has since become one of our greatest hymns.

Scriven died in 1886 (ironically, in an accidental drowning). In his memory, the town of Port Hope erected a monument with this inscription from Scriven's famous song: In His arms He'll take and shield thee. Thou wilt find a solace there.

Until next time stay blessed . . .

Jasper

Where could I go

I have had a good day today . .Went to church, Pastor was talking about the prodigal son who came home.. and how GOD's love always follows us.. It is a nice feeling to be able to go to church and enjoy the fellowship.. I have been there only 6 weeks now but it was nice to know a few faces and tell them I am moving on . .

Have you ever had moments where you feel you are constantly asking GOD to speak ..I think I am in that phase .. it has been nice to have that kind of a relationship.. I dont know what to ask but I still see myself asking GOD to speak . . glad that GOD does not find me too demanding. . .Been hearing a few things from a few of my friends, as to their life at the moment and it saddens my heart.. you begin to realize that most of us are living in a personally wounded world of our own somebody somewhere some tragedy somewhere has hurt and the scars remain.. how do you muster faith in that kind of situation..where does the strength come . . You walk away listening to them and know only answer to that is Prayer.. there is absolutely nothing else one can do . .

My folks sent me an e-mail sometime back when I had to make a few decisions . . I never tell my folks when I am having a bad day as they would get stressed but my MUm has been pretty good in figuring it out even if she is nto talking to me . .. I am going to paste an e-mail from my mum . .the recent one .

Rajma how are you? we tried to contact you;

Today morning I hear one message; it was very much encouraging; not only that it is also prophecy; Read Jer.33:1-3 and Math.14:28-31 andMark 4:36-41

During the time of sinking......... disappointments..burdens...confusions...these all for a great start
call upon Him.

May His face shine upon you.

with love and kisses

daddy and mummy

when that e-mail arrived I was in the exact state, confused, sinking with my desires, burdened and yes disappointed.. and what a way to get encouraged.. over the last weekend I was asked many a times about my testimony and everytime I mentioned about my MOM's prayers ..where she would be praying for me before I wake up by 5 am and she would pray for me after i tuck myself into bed..she would lay her hands on me and pray ..most of the time in tears.. I only knew the depth of it . .GOD has been so good.and it is nice to look and be strengthened and believe in an "Ebenezer GOD" meaning thus far he leads us and he will continue too lead..

There are lot of desires in my heart that I wished GOD would do it immediately but I know the best comes in his time...

Where could I go but to the Lord . . .

Living in HIS presence

I have had an eventful couple of weeks, Traveling here and there, bumping into old friends, catching up with existing ones, reliving childhood in some ways, being interviewed and interviewed and interviewed and being out in the sports field for one full day wow that was great. . . through it all what has been a blessing and an assuring this is I could feel GOD's presence with me every minute of the day . .feel very consciously that is . . .

My life has been a roller coaster ride over the last decade and people who know me then will be surprised as to how far I have come and people who know me recently will be surprised as to what I am going to do . . but it has been amazing how GOD leads his children through difficult times. . .

I was sitting in church in Cardiff and was asking GOD one more time please just encourage me and confirm certain decisions that I need to make.. GOD has done it before but in my own humanness I was sincerely asking GOD saying talk to me once more and give me the assurance.. and he did.. pastor finished the message by saying.."it is our duty to trust GOD and his to provide and protect" think in my own mind I knew GOD will provide in his own way but I wanted to hear the word protect .. I need protection wherever I am especially when you start work in the areas where you are giving people an opportunity to know JESUS . .

Back in London it felt nice ot be amongst people where I can be myself, eat sleep get up whenever I want to and have fun at the same time.. Every time I leave Ilford, London I feel like a small child refusing to go back to school. . but it is a nice felling.. I am looking forward to the days to come like never before . .it is nice to be able to see where I will be and what I will be doing for an extended period of time . . .

TO change gears a bit here . . " A thought, even a possibility, can shatter and transform us” said Friedrich Nietzsche if I can go one more step ..it can transform us for the better or for the worst and that is the choice which lies in our hands.. I am constantly amazed at GOD's gentlemanliness with humans . .GOD never pushes himself .. he shows himself reveals himself, makes us understand what he did on the cross but it is still us that has the choice to follow him . . the choice is ours to desire to do what GOD wants us to do . .and many a times it is that freedom that makes us think we are someone out there . . and that we think and therefore we exist . .

I always remember the verse which says "no eye has seen , no ear has ever heard, no mind has conceived what GOD can do through our lifes.. " . . and that one thought the possibility that I worship a GOD who has the ability and the potential to do it.. can shatter my doubts and transform me into the person he wants me to and do it to the best . . .

Through the Rhythms of Life GOD never loses hope in us and thats what I need to know at this stage of my life.. Until next time ..stay Blessed . .

God on the Mountain

Been a bit discouraged of late just generally lot of things weighing in my mind. Everyone I speak too or meet want me to be sure of what i want to do with my Life. Career cant be got back etc..through it all I have only been asking GOD to quieten my mind and give me rest. This morning when I woke up there was a sense of heaviness in my heart and a sense of fear about a future. I prayed and normally GOD brings the right song at the right time and this is the one which I got this morning.


God on the Mountain

Life Is Easy, When Your Up On The Mountain
and You've Got Peace Of Mind
like You've Never Known
but Then Things Change And Your Down In The Valley
don't Lose Hope For Your Never Alone

[Chorus]

for The God On The Mountain Is Still God In The Valley
when Things Go Wrong He?ll Make Them Right
and The God Of The Good Times, Is Still God Of The Bad Times
and The God Of The Day Is Still God Of The Night

you Talk Of Faith When Your Up On The Mountain
oh, But The Talk Comes So Easy
when Life?s At Its Best
but Its Down In The Valley Of Trials And Temptations
that's Where Faith Is Really Put To The Test

It is so true, Life is easy when you are in a good job and good family and everything seems GOD lead. I have been encouraged by this song and I am at peace at heart and believe GOD will never leave me nor forsake me and he is still GOD of the valleys.

God Bless - Jasper

Rhythms of Life

The Korean friend who I play tabletennis /pingpong had gone to Italy for 10 days and came back. We hadn't played for a long time and tonight we played again. Both of us know each other's weaknesses and even as we tried to get on top of the other the only thing we were trying to do was to break the other person's rhythm and make him make a mistake. Once you do that before he gets his rhythm back you play your shots and change the game to your advantage. There are times when I slow the pace of the game or increase the pace or change direction of shots.

The other thing is also once your opponent has broken your rhythm you try to get back quickly and get it back, if you keep playing on your weakness you will never get your rhythm back. Even as I was walking back I suddenly thought this is the way Christian life is. God gives us his grace and mercy and gives us new life when we accept him and obey him. And satan tries to break that rhythm, break your prayer time and substitute with something else, break your fellowship time, break your rhythm of kindness and being gentle, and mostly in relationships he tries to break the Love. And often times we given in and take a lot of time to get that rhythm back. But the earlier we do it we are on the top of the game.

For me personally this has been an enlightenment at the right time. I want to long to and desire to keep that rhythm of relationship going good with Jesus Christ, and there are many things that come in and slow my pace, make me change direction or even discourage me. Last evening I was playing Manual Drums in a programme for the first time ever in my life. I was excited as in just a few seconds I decided I am going to try playing it. Well now if I get another opportunity I will surely grab it :-) . .well last night the preacher was talking about Elijah and elisha. Learnt some new things from the passage and one of the things he was saying was how in today's world friendships , relationships and in work place we have lost the commitment to loyalty or in being loyal. Elisha was committed in being loyal till the end.Everyone around him also knew who he was and what kind of a man he was. Reflecting on how GOD sees me through his eyes, am I committed in my loyalty to Christ . . I am excited about the future . and I am praying that each day will add more meaning to why I am here.

Well lots of thoughts in my mind which I am still thinking about and smiling. Hopefully will get the time to pin it down soon.

Words can never EXPRESS

I am sure all of us have had times when you go to GOD in prayer and then you just don't know what to say. I had one of those moments where I was in prayer but did not know how to express what I felt. Only needed the love of GOD to engulf me at that time and feel a hug from GOD. I got reminded of this song which I have sung so many times during my childhood days but has never meant anything like it did yesterday.

His Love is warmer than the warmest sunshine, softer than the sigh
His love is deeper than the deepest ocean, wider than the sky
His love is brighter than the brightest star that shines every night above
And there is nothing in this world that could ever change his love.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N0nQV0M7ws0

Scripture says nothing can ever change the Love GOD has for us. No matter how far we have traveled away from him he is always willing to do what he said he would do if only we come back to him and let him lead. I know I can come just as I am but sometimes thats the hardest part. But GOD never lets you down when you seek him with your heart and mind and he gives you that peace and comfort that you need.

Came up with these words as I was playing my guitar last evening.

Words can never express
What you are going through
Words that has been said
Said about you

It's hard when it's a friend
A friend you really knew
Jesus knows the hurt
And he will heal it for you.

There are times you feel you dont deserve what you get you deserve better, Guess GOD feels that way too .. everytime I sin he mite find it hard to explain the hurt, apart form just say that my sins are grieving him .. and GOD sure is a friend to me and he feels this friend " Jasper" who I really knew has said this about me and has did this to me.. human relationships become easier to relate to when we relate it to GOD first and see it through his Eyes. . . I am excited about the days to come. I have realized it is so easy to get my focus off what GOD has called me to do and focus on other things in life. IN doing that the finer things which GOD has promised he will take care suddenly seem to be behind my back and I start carrying more luggage than am meant to.

Remembered Max Lucado's book " Traveling Light" . I was reading it when I left UK after my studies fully committing my future to GOD and said lord there are a few baggages that I dont want to carry with me but 2 years after that I realize that I have picked up the same baggage and trying hard to carry it on my own.

Eric Liddell - Man who ran for GOD

Been reading the biography of Eric Liddell the man and Missionary in China after who the movie Chariots of Fire was taken. I have heard about him in one of Ravi Zacharias message and when I came to Torquay I found this book in a shop. When my birthday arrived I was asked by the volunteer representative what I wanted for my birthday, I asked them what could I ask they said anything that you would like to have in a small budget, having no or less money myself decided to ask for the book and silently told th rep that if you think it is more I will pay for the rest. Hmm but once we went to the shop the book was gone but the receptionist immediately said that they can order one for me and it will arrive in a day or two but hmm without my knowledge it arrived that evening itself and I have been reading it on and off for 2 weeks.

I am going to type an extract from the book "Running The Race" : written by John W Keddie who accounts the events in Eric's life. But what I am going to write is one of Eric's speech and what he wrote in a book.

" I would suggest the discipline of rising half hour earlier than usual and giving the time to prayer , meditation and bible study . Be careful , however, not to fall into the habit of thinking GOD can only guide you at this one special time. Be careful, too, about your attitude to others who differ from you regarding the time they find most helpful. Be prepared to change the time of your prayer if the circumstances of you life lead you to feel it necessary or advisable.

He makes his position clear in another place

The Christian rule of right and wrong is the word of GOD. It is a light for his path and an instructor to educate his conscience. The word of GOD is profitable

"for doctrine" to teach GOD's will;
"for reproof" to challenge all contrary to that will;
"for correction" to correct errors in basic thinking
"for instruction" to train the conscience to lead us in the paths .. of righteousness(2 Tim 3:16).

I liked the way he brought about the uniqueness of that time with GOD and how not be judgmental.

Below is another extract form the book on one of his speeches.

"" Young, inexperienced and without eloquence, we have come before you because we feel that we have a message for you . . . . .We feel youth has an appeal to youth, and we want to give you our experience. We are placing before you during these days the things that we have found to be best.We are setting before you one who is worthy of all our devotion --- CHRIST. He is the Saviour for the young as well as the old, and He is the one who can bring out what is best in us . .

Are you living up to the standards of Jesus Christ ? we are looking for men and women who can answer the challenge Christ is sending out... Have you sought a leader in everyday life ? In Jesus Christ you will find a leader worthy of your devotion and mine. I looked for one I could admire, and I found Christ.I am a debtor,and no wonder I am a debtor, for he has given me a message which can only be experienced . If this audience was out-and-out for Christ the whole of Edinburgh will be changed If the whole of this audience was out for Christ, it would go far past Edinburgh and through all Scotland. the last time Edinburgh was swept all Scotland was flooded. what are you going to do tonight ?

What I liked was the challenge he gave to the people those who were listening.He was convinced of his convictions. I think with Christ there is a decision that need to be made every time you hear something about him or read about him. failing to make a decision can take us through roads in Life that we were never meant to travel. But as I said in my previous post, even when our faith falters his Faithfulness doesn't. Praise GOD .

I am glad to have finally written what was in my mind in the last post. Want to also write something I read from Oswald Chambers book .

"'We are all capable of being spiritually lazy saints. We want to stay off the rough roads of Life, and our primary objective is to secure a peaceful retreat from the world. The ideas put forth in these verses from Hebrews 10 are those of stirring up one another and of keeping ourselves together.Both of these require initiative- our willingness to take the first step toward Christ-realization , not the initiative toward self-realization. To live a distant, withdrawn, and secluded life is diametrically opposed to spirituality as Jesus Christ taught it"'.

Another passage which really opened my eyes to be cautious about my experiences especially at the time when I write songs..

""Ho!Everyone who thirsts, come to the waters...."(Isaiah 55:1). Are you thirsty, or complacent and indifferent- so satisfied with YOUR OWN EXPERIENCES THAT YOU WANT NOTHING MORE OF GOD? Experience is a door way not a final Goal. Beware of building your faith on experience, or your life will not ring true and will only sound the note of a critical spirit. Have you ever lamented, expressing your sorrow before GOD for the condition of your inner life? There is no thread of self pity, only the heart-rending difficulty and amazement which comes from seeing what kind of person you really are.""

I am still thinking and pondering about the truth in the passage but wanted to also share it here.

Until next time stay blessed.

What do you want to see

Do you find something unusual in this picture? Can you see any human face in this optical illusion? If not just move away from the screen and try focusing on the center portion

I have seen many optical illusions and never thought about it. This week my flat mate Kevin had his eye tests and in his receipt he had the company's logo and their slogan written which said "What do you want to see" and that made me think sometimes Christian life also is like that. What do I want to see GOD do in my life. Do I want to see GOD work through me in a miraculous way or do I want to see GOD's guiding alone or do I want to see just a good day or last but not the least I never think about what I want to see GOD doing in my life.

The man who got healed form his blindness wanted to see his eyes opened, the man who had not walked for 38 years wanted to see himself walking again. Think faith comes out more when you want to see GOD doing in your life something which only he can do. I get very easily discouraged and have to admit i have forgotten what it is to see and seek what GOD can do with my life. When I initially came to Torquay I was more sensitive to it but as days went by and lots of things happened I live my life each day not seeking what GOD can do in my life. My quiet times have become more of an guilt trip thing. If I don't do it I feel guilty , the sense of seeking GOD's word early in the morning has gone and I am finding it difficult to memorize words.

Thank GOD he is gentle,kind and patient and he gives us chances time and time again. Every time we fail he helps us rise up and helps us to come back to him. Sometimes it can feel very disappointing to be going back to GOD with the same excuse. But thanks to all his promises and his word which constantly gives life to us. As some one rightly said ""our faith may falter, but his faithfulness, Never !

Back to the picture, either I can see a MAN's face (Jesus) or see the situation around me and look like the wearied lady walking or the sober kind of atmosphere the picture presents. Most of the times my life reflects these things when my eyes are focussed on Jesus I am happy and cheerful but when I focus on other things to be done and situations my life becomes a loners life and it hurts people around me too.

Think this will be a reminder for me each morning "What do I want to see " . .

Where GOD leads , he also provides

Lately have been thinking about God's provision for a future. In retrospect it has been easy to testify that GOD provided but thinking about a uncertain future I do find it hard at times to say it boldly.

I was reading Corrie Ten Boom's book called "Jesus is Victor" where she quotes Elizabeth Cheneyand, I liked a small poem which talks about the verse in Luke 12:24.

"Said the robin to the sparrow:
I should really like to know
Why these anxious human beings
Rush around and worry so."

"Said the Sparrow to the Robin:
Friend, I think that it must be
That they have no heavenly Father
Such cares for you and me."

Elizabeth Cheney

Sometimes we do as humans walk around as though we have no heavenly Father...I liked the conversation between the Sparrow and the Robin about Humans running around with their worries/...

I feel sometimes when you know the path he wants you to take and it seems blurry , as in you are not able to see more than a few days ahead you begin to wonder and want to be really sure if thats the Lord's will or is it yours. But what I have learn t also is that GOD is a GOD who sees our hearts and he knows the desires as to why we want to do what we want to do and he will never let go of us. Thats the beauty and also the scariest part, GOD knows what you think , what you do, there is no question of feeling vulnerable in his presence.

Been reading a few books actually biographies about people who trusted in GOD well ahead and moved out of their confines and it has encouraged me. One truth stands out, where GOD leads he will provide, I do have a lot of need at this moment of time and I cant see myself even inching close to that, but I know GOD will meet me at my needs.

Sometimes you are left all alone to be encouraged, thought you have good friends and lot's of friends when you really need that encouragement you don't see any of them around. Thats the time to go to GOD and take his provision and his promises. all through life we will encounter situation where we are left along with only GOD to run to.

All through History not once have we heard of GOD letting down people, wherever he had lead them he provided, be it in the desert, mountains, whale's stomach, wilderness anywhere and everywhere.. he provided... he is the same GOD today and he is able to provide...when he leads. . .

Ravi Zach makes a statement in one of his message.."that which you have committed to GOD's hands he will take responsibility, but that which you have held tight to yours you are responsible . .interesting truth in plain terms . .