Life at its fullest

The Grand Design

2010-09-03T11:23:00.005+01:00

On a macro level, the grand design is the world - the massive mountain tops, the biggest swimming pool where even the largest of sharks feel tiny, and on and on. On a micro level, it is who I am, what I am. All of this points to the question: if there is a grand design, who is the grand designer?

I have been amazed by the writings of a famous physicist, Dr. Steven Hawking, whose views on how the universe was formed has changed over the last decade or so. In his recent book "The Grand Design," Hawking says, "Because there is a law such as gravity, the universe can and will create itself from nothing. Spontaneous creation is the reason there is something rather than nothing, why the universe exists, why we exist."

My response to Hawking is: Define nothing first before using nothing as subject. I've heard Dr. Ravi Zacharias quote someone else's definition of nothing as, "Nothing is what rocks dream about." Now, let us think back to what Hawking is trying to say. Let's say we talk about the law of gravity. Is it nothing, too? If it's something, then who thought about and defined the law of gravity? Who even conceived of such a notion?

If "why we exist" is a matter of spontaneous creation, you and me are reduced to accidents. If we are accidents, then whatever we say and do cannot be absolute. Instead, it's a matter of chance. With that in mind, all Hawking's conclusions and statements cannot be absolute, either.

Chesterton wrote, "The problem in disbelief in God is not that someone ends up believing in nothing, but that they end up believing in anything." This is very true. As days go by, I see people trying hard to believe in anything but God for the creation of the universe and mankind. Any possible tangible explanations give them a kick and the opportunity to explode or create anti-God theories, even when there are so many questions that brilliant minds over time have no clue whatsoever how to answer.

Thanks to people like Hawking, we are given the room to think about what they've said and affirm all the more reason to believe that "The Grand Design" indeed has a grand designer. No amount of nothing could create this design. No matter how hard one tries to explain it away, there will always be that missing link if you exclude God out of the equation.

Even as we read and think may God give us the wisdom to be able to stand up for what we believe. Blessings.

Only One Life

2010-05-13T07:41:00.001+01:00

Found this very challenging and encouraging. Only one Life :-) .

Only One Life
By Charles Thomas Studd, Missionary to China, India, and Africa

Two little lines I heard one day, Traveling along life’s busy way;
Bringing conviction to my heart, And from my mind would not depart;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Only one life, yes only one, Soon will its fleeting hours be done;
Then, in ‘that day’ my Lord to meet, And stand before His Judgment seat;
Only one life,’ twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Only one life, the still small voice, Gently pleads for a better choice
Bidding me selfish aims to leave, And to God’s holy will to cleave;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Only one life, a few brief years, Each with its burdens, hopes, and fears;
Each with its clays I must fulfill, living for self or in His will;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last.

When this bright world would tempt me sore, When Satan would a victory score;
When self would seek to have its way, Then help me Lord with joy to say;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Give me Father, a purpose deep, In joy or sorrow Thy word to keep;
Faithful and true what e’er the strife, Pleasing Thee in my daily life;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Oh let my love with fervor burn, And from the world now let me turn;
Living for Thee, and Thee alone, Bringing Thee pleasure on Thy throne;
Only one life, “twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Only one life, yes only one, Now let me say, “Thy will be done”;
And when at last I’ll hear the call, I know I’ll say ’twas worth it all”;
Only one life,’ twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Snooze It ! ! till it becomes a way of life

2010-03-09T14:11:00.006Z

Every morning it is a big struggle to wake up when the alarm rings. Whoever invented the snooze button must have not been a morning person.What a feeling it is to just snooze the alarm every 5 minutes till you get to the point where you really need to get out of bed. I was thinking about this while I was traveling to work one day. And realized there are times when I use the "Snooze " concept to what God wants me to do. Postponing, procrastinating, lazying around things that I know God has asked me to do. Which actually at one point was an answer to my request "Lord show me what you want me to do". It is interesting how many times that I tend to "Snooze" off God's will for my life but at the same time very eager to know the next step. It is almost like Lord I am still considering that thing you mentioned but in the meantime show me the plan for my future totally Ignoring what God has already asked me to do. I remember what Ravi Zach says " Obedience to known truth is crucial than the search for the unknown" . I remember in 1999 after I had finished Uni it came to light that I had actually missed four semesters which accounted to almost 21 papers that I had to clear. All along I was so focused on Christian activities and asking God's will for my life when I should have focused on what God had already laid in my hand. Praise God that he is true to his word that he can restore the lost years. But it was only after I finished my classes was I able to let God work in my life as now I have cleared the other step. Even in my journey as a Christian and having to make choices all along, Sometimes it is very draining as there are choices that can never be explained to people around you. I sometimes wonder why is God taking his time only to realize that he is waiting for me to Obey what he has already revealed. When it comes to things that God has intended for us it is wise not to "Snooze" it as it only causes us to delay what God has planned. Rather if we get it done then and there it becomes a joy and a sense of contentment that we are by HIS grace able to accomplish things for him.Even as you are reading this my prayer is that you will be able to take a few minutes to see what are the areas/things that God has shown you very clearly time and time again for you to do that you have been happily snoozing off. Hope that will also bring a sense of being obedient to God even as you respond to his Discipline. Watchman Nee summarizes this beautifully "Today, even amongst Christians, there can be found much of that spirit that wants to give as little as possible to the Lord, and yet to get as much as possible from Him. The prevailing thought today is of being used, as though that were the one thing that mattered. That my little rubber band should be stretched to the very limit seems all important. But this is not the Lord's mind. The Lord wants us to be used, yes; but what He is after is that we pour all we have, ourselves, to Him, and if that be all, that is enough" .

Use the filter

2009-11-18T09:57:00.003Z

I have had the opportunity to work in a multi cultural context for the last 5 years. In different roles first as a student then as an employee and also as a friend. The more people you meet the more you realize how unique we are. How communication can cause miscommunication just cause we are different. There are times I just stand and think you could not have said what you jus said. One good example I will always remember is this one. I was walking with a drummer from our music team. As we were walking home I was telling him how good and a nice guy this guitarist was. Immediately my friend replied he is sick init. I apologized saying I might have heart it wrong and asked him to say it again only to listen to the same words. In my country the word sick is used only when you don’t like the person. I spent the next few seconds thinking he can’t say that about the Guitarist. I mustered all my courage and asked him why did he say what he said. He seemed very confused and kept repeating it again knowing that I had got it wrong. Then he replied saying sick as in good init. That was a big relief. His background where he grew up the word good has been replaced by sick and he had learnt it that way.

Both of us were saying the same thing but the message I got was different. That is just one example I should say. And now being in Singapore and talking to people I don’t hesitate to ask what do they mean when they say what they say. Does it have a culturally different meaning. One thing I have learnt working cross culturally is this. Always filter what the other person is saying. Don’t take it as it is. Whoever it is that is saying it mite not mean the way you think he meant it to be. Especially working in a professional context this happens time and time again. A personality clash comes in because people assume what the other person is saying. Wanting to use the filter to see what words can be taken literally is the last thing that one wants to do. I could have very easily in my own understanding towed my friend off for talking wrong about my other friend.

And every time I try to do it I get drained of my energy and feel I can’t keep doing this. Why cant I just say what I want to say and understand it the way I best understand it. How would I know that someone’s not playing me around with words? How can I trust the other person though from a culturally different background actually knows what he is saying. But I also realize if I need to love people as god loves them I need to have a healthy view of that person. Otherwise my views about the person will mar the way God wants me to see this person. And that’s why using the filter is a good option as it gives the benefit of doubt to the other person and in doing so reduces my chances of harboring any bitterness or misunderstanding.

Words once said can never be taken back it can be treated lightly if the intentions were clarified. We live in a world full of words. Everywhere you go and at anytime there is someone talking. Words never stop to be heard. Words can mean life or words can mean death. I was reading the news paper this morning and it talked about a 23yr young software engineer. He threw himself from a high building after his boss shamed him with his words. It was in the news because that this is the second suicide happening in the same company in 6 months. Words are very important and for a Christian words can bring someone to Christ or take them away from Christ too. And that’s serious !
Even as God gives us his wisdom to understand people and love them may we be strengthened in knowing that we are pursuing an important thing.

A matter of heart

2009-11-18T09:25:00.004Z

There are times when I grabble with some ideas or thoughts. It just doesn’t go away from my mind. One of which was the conversation between Michelangelo and his teacher. Michelangelo struggled with the unclothed body but justified it by saying he wanted to see man as God sees man. He justified it when his teacher saw his paintings and asked him what he was doing. His teacher replied saying “but you are not God”. What got me thinking was what, is the truth in the statement. Why is that we can’t see human beings as God sees. This question came back and forth in my mind for a few days.

And one morning when I was on the escalator rushing out from the train to catch the bus I got reminded of a verse. “ Man looks on the outward appearance but God looks into your heart” . That’s why we cant see the way God see’s. I can’t and won’t know another person’s heart no matter how close I am there is that very clear fact that only God knows a human’s heart. Well that is a big relief in many ways. Just cause someone draws the physical naked appearance of an individual does not mean he can see as God sees. How easy it is to get disillusioned in many ways to see as God sees. I have heard some in wanting to be as God wants them to be become God themselves in their minds. Self righteousness props out in most conversations and justifies by saying I want to do it as God does. That’s why it is a matter of heart and one which cannot fake itself before God.

It was such an encouragement to me that day of having had that answer. But it did not stop there I started to think what else does God asks us to do the way he does. The only verse that popped my mind is the one in
John 13:34-35
A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.

Some one said “Love is hard work” and as days go by I realize it sure is hard work. I know it can be argued in many ways if Love is something nice then why is it hard work. If love is hard work then it cant be love etc. Many a times I have stopped and thought how can I love this person, this is what he said about me, this is how he treats me and this is how he trusts me. And it is and that point I realize that love is really hard work but one worth pursuing as it is something God asks us to do without any black and white lines.

A Sheeps Life

2009-08-01T03:19:00.005+01:00

Recently I was out on a holiday in the lake district with my friends. Driving along the mountains and along the lakes it makes you stop and think what would it take for someone to actually build it if they had to. Huge mountains, picture perfect lakes and green everywhere. Such calmness all around, all that you hear is the gentle breeze and the sound of birds chirping here and there. There is also one more thing that catches your attention, it's the sheep’s everywhere. You stand in front of a mountain and you see these sheep’s in such high places where I don’t think I can climb or walk. They are everywhere along the roads and after some thinking I asked my friend next to me " would someone want to live a sheep's life". Graze all day and sleep and no other worries in life.

The answer I got and the conversations that followed got me thinking. If you really watch these sheep’s you see a massive sense of contentment with what they are doing. They are content in living their life. They can graze even at the mountain top or along the waters. I am don’t think seeing them you think they have any worry at all. And going by that I am sure there will be lots of people who would want to life a sheep's life.

Also every time I saw the birds chirping and flying high up on the clouds I got reminded of the verse in Mat 6:26 "Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? I have been challenged by this verse before but time and again it comes back as a challenge every time in my own humanness I tend to start to worry about the next day.

Being content is not an easy thing and trusting God will show our contentment level as to how much we rest in Him . Everyday there are things that steals us of our contentment and makes us uneasy in life. Every minute there are things that need our worry if I may put it, if our heavenly father feeds the birds faithfully won’t he not satisfy my needs too.

Hare and thare to here I am and now God

2009-06-17T22:41:00.007+01:00

"Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,Seal it for Thy courts above"

I came home to realize one evening that there were at least 12 books lying around in my room. I had started reading but not finished even a single one over the last 2 months. It suddenly dawned hmm my routines have changed here. Last few weeks has been a busy with lot of things happening which has taken my time. It has been hard to find that time for myself where I can sit in calmness and reflect on day to day things and enjoy reading a book. I have met and said good bye’s to friends some who I may never meet again.

Well looking back all the things that filled my time were important things, but how did I fit it all in ? I realised that I have spent time with friends, done the things that I would do each week and also added few other things all working towards being there and reaching out but the only thing that got missed out was my time with the Lord. That personal communion in prayer and reading got replaced with busyness of day to day life. And before I realize I am worn out and tired and almost about to be drained in my own struggles of living life.

It is a constant struggle to keep that time with God and talk with him all my thoughts, desires and ambitions. Suddenly all the expectations around me is overwhelming , expectations from me as a Son first then as a brother then as a friend and then finally the expectations from God out of love for me in me being his child. Even though at time I feel that I am standing alone in a journey his comfort engulfs and his word lights my path.

What a joyous feeling it is to come every time to God just as I am, every time I have fallen short of his standards , every time I have kept him waiting to talk to me , teach me, counsel me, all that I do is come just as I am and start talking to him. Knowing that I cannot neglect my walk with the lord and remembering that everything I do hinges on my relationship with the Lord helps when life gets busy and hours gets filled in. To realize that it is me who has missed out on fellowship with God in not making that time is a nice starter.

Like what it says in 1 Peter 2:2-3 “Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, now that you have tasted that the Lord is good”. And first sign of backsliding is when I find myself losing that craving for God’s word and everything else occupies my mind. And Word of God says in Proverbs 1:23 "Turn to me when I warn you. I will generously pour out my spirit for you. I will make my words known to you”. When we turn to God he will make his words known to us and all that demands that personal communion with him.

May God be gracious to us when we lose that craving for his word and start to crave other things and bring us back to him, so that his love and the longing for his fellowship will rule our hearts. It is not a new truth it is an old truth but that which can me missed out in the busyness of our lifes.

Re - Focus

2009-05-11T00:30:00.001+01:00

You and I are responsible everyday of our life’s for training our hungers and training our passions. We are filled with hungers we have physical hunger, emotional hunger, intellectual hunger, relational hunger and spiritual hunger and it is imperative in a disciplined way that we train what we begin to enjoy and shun what we know can get us softened up and lose us to the service of the king of kings.

Ravi Zacharias

When God knows best !

2009-05-10T22:11:00.003+01:00

There are moments when I feel "God do you surely know what you are doing- this could be the best thing for me" even though I don’t say it I do feel that way. There are times when you hear people's stories and then walk out thinking God maybe you got it wrong that was the best for both of them. Peter did that when Jesus transfigured before them. He was literally telling Jesus what to do. It so true in my humanness I many a times fail to see and commit to the fact that God knows best.

There has been many a times when in retrospect I have fully appreciated God's decision's and leading in my life but when it comes to the here and now it is always a struggle. At a time when thinking about total surrender it strikes me that till I come to the point where even in my humanness I say and feel that God knows what he is doing and he knows what is best it is then that I have arrived at a point of total surrender.

I sure feel a bit daunted with the task ahead of me. When I received my visa last week, there was the sense of silence in my heart saying God I really really feel inadequate and I can’t do this without you being more patient with me. The whole sense of new place, new people, and new circumstances suddenly seem to become a mountain that I don’t want to climb. I want to be in a familiar place amongst familiar people and do familiar things. But it is nice to know that I can be honest before God and share my struggles and ask comfort and strength. Thank God for the burden for lost souls that he has entrusted to us. Each day passes by and somewhere , someone is dying without knowing who Jesus is. It will be worth it all. Our labour in God does not go in vain is the promise he gives us and that is enough. No matter where, what , when , who we are surrounded with God is still there. Place, people, and circumstances will always change but God changes not and his comfort is promised even in the darkest times.

This evening in church the last song we sung was when I survey the wondrous cross and I could not but thank God for what he did on the cross.

When I survey the wondrous cross
On which the Prince of glory died,
My richest gain I count but loss,
And pour contempt on all my pride.

The prince of Glory died, only to give me life. It persuades me to hang in there and travel on and feel Good, humble and honest in saying “ God knows best and his timing is perfect” .

Surrender to Dependence to Intimacy

2009-04-28T00:29:00.008+01:00

“ Intimacy begins when we relinquish control of our lives to God"

It is exactly 13 years now since I finished my high school exams. It was not the best of days for me. I had a fractured shoulder with none of my friends around me and sitting in the corner of my room wondering in which police station my bike was held. Unable to communicate and apologise to my dad for the mess I had made and hoping that I will not fail in any of my exams. Sitting in the corner gripped with a sense of fear which I had never experienced before. Wondering how was I going to tackle the people around me and face the situation. How much shame have I brought on my family? Has my life been marred for a life time?

All alone thinking about a friend who just three weeks ago, was playing basketball with me, went to cinema with me having good fun with no worries in life, was now dead, having ended his life by hanging himself leaving a loving mum and dad behind. And thinking about two of my friends again who unable to cope got into drugs and now were spending money on drugs to run away from the situation. Out of 31 in our class how many will actually pass and move on to do university or will the school detain us cause of our behaviour. Will my conduct certificate have a black mark for the mess I had made in school. Having had my own battle against suicide and now wondering what is going on in my life. Thinking I accepted Christ in my life and things should change by now but has it all gone from bad to worse? All thoughts crowding my mind, hoping and wishing there was someway I could go back and change the way things have gone, change the way I acted and reacted.

In retrospect I can see that I had not surrendered any area of my life to Christ, my life did not change a bit, my relationships remained the same, my habits remained the same, my attitude remained the same and I never feared anything not even God. Even though I had accepted Christ into my life there was not a day when I spoke with him , read the word nor took any efforts to change myself. And now when my life was crashing I was wondering “Where is God” . It was all about me, my life, my wishes, my needs and my future. Even now I struggle when there are times when my need becomes bigger than the need round me. How easily I end up working at arriving at having my needs met totally forgetting the fact that there are people out there hurting with a sense of lostness in life. It then strikes me the more I strive to have my need met I forget that it is God who times to provide for my needs.

And 13 years later I have come to grips with the truth that total surrender leads to total dependence which leads/starts the step of intimacy with God. Intimacy with God cannot happen until our dependence on HIM become total. Otherwise it will be more like depending on God when things fail or go wrong. I have been pondering for the last few years what would it feel like to be really intimate with God. Guess at this point I have to admit that even that is a journey in knowing God more and more.

Come every April I think of that time, the time when life was all muddled up. I am ever so grateful to God for just staying close to me and help me step out of the mess. God did at every fall pick me up and he continues to do it faithfully.

“ Intimacy begins when we relinquish control of our lives to God"

Tout pour Jesus

2009-04-11T04:02:00.001+01:00

The hospital Nun's in Kathryn Hulme's Nun's story show that, whatever our doctrinal disapproval of religious orders, there is a truly biblical spirit at this point: 'all for Jesus, Sister William had said in the ward pulling on the rubber gloves. Say it, my dear students, every time you are called upon for what seems an impossible task. Then you can do anything with serenity. Say it for the bed pans you carry, for the old incontinents you bathe, for those sputum cups of the tubercular. Tout pour Jesus, she said briskly, as she bent to change the dressing foul with corruption.

It is that time of the year where you think about a good weekend with things to do. Good Friday services back home was always a boring one for me. One because the service lasted 3 hours , two when you came home there wasn’t any tasty food. But over the years all that has taken a back seat and it has proved to be a good time of reflection on Jesus and the cross.

There are two qualifying reasons that I have begun to grasp over the years during this time. One the whole point of the cross was to pay for my sins and two, I can’t do anything about it, it had to be Jesus. The only thing that I am expected to do is if God did what he did what is going to be my response. I have heard it many a times , what is you response is a standard application question but one that demands more and more as years go by. Demands increasing is not a sense of doing more it is more in the sense of God giving you the opportunity to do more. He entrusts you with bigger things every time. Jesus could not have done what he did on the cross if he had not surrendered himself totally. And as demands increase on our lifes God leads us to a point of total surrender.

As Sara Paddison writes in her book Hidden Power of the Heart “ When we know love matters more than anything, and we know that nothing else REALLY matters, we move into the state of surrender. Surrender does not diminish our power, it enhances it” and this is exactly what happens when the demands increase it increases the point of total surrender which in turn only enhances the opportunities that we get to serve God.

Even as we reflect on the Love of God may we also be aware that if reflection does not lead to a response it becomes just another year , another day but if it does provoke a response then there will be that lovely feeling of surrendering our life’s once again for his call and cause. And may we say with a thankfully heart “ Jesus all for Jesus” “Tout pour Jesus” when we do get to serve him in our daily living.

Until next time stay blessed.

New Word Alive 2009 reflections

2009-04-08T00:06:00.002+01:00

Just came back from attending New Word Alive in Pwllheli, North Wales. It was an enriching experience in many ways. There were times when sitting out there listening to the scriptures and feel God’s comfort and get reconfirmed with my own commitment. There were times when the scripture was so very clear that it made me wonder why me Lord. I am not worthy of anything that comes my way. My mum always advised me on one thing, when I left home this year she said “ Son stay faithful to God” she knew where my struggles were and looking back I know how unfaithful I have been , how much I have resisted to HIS call on my life.

I remember hearing this sometime back “ In dying you live and in surrendering you win” it chilled me to my bones. Only when I surrender my self to Christ can I win souls for Christ. Surrendering is not an easy thing especially with a God who sees our hearts. You cannot fake it , you cannot hide it, you just got to do it. I was thinking the whole week, we are 2000 students here all highly passionate in worshipping and knowing Christ. What would be the impact if all of us left the place with only one thing in mind “that people may know HIM” . But sadly chances are we are distracted to miss out on the vision and focus and move on to live a mediocre life. I have been there myself if not for the Grace of God my life would have been on a fast lane totally ignorant of what God had planned for me. It is not easy either in the span of 6 days I saw myself getting distracted so very often and mostly thinking Lord why does it have to be this way. Can I not be in one place and do what you have called me to do why do I have to move elsewhere. And that’s when God is his own way reminded me which way do you want it to be son your way or my way.

I remember listening to Ravi Zacharias say “ is it possible to live surrounded by truth without ever applying it in your own life is it is possible to attend missionary conferences every year when they are there and never feel a call for missions is it is possible to listen to an evangelistic sermon a thousand times over and never be evangelised in your own heart, is it is possible to hear sermons on holiness and faithfulness and giving and commitment without it making any difference in our life’s” is it possible. It is highly possible when I try to live the Christian life my way not surrendering my self to Christ.

I still have 3 more months here in Cardiff and surrendering myself is a conscious everyday thing. As each day seems to pass by I know the time is nearing when I got to pack up and leave again fully trusting God for all comfort and support. Everything I hold dear fades away into the distance even as I try to contemplate the move. Remember singing the old hymn sometime back called trust and obey. It was soothening to sing the 4th verse

But we never can prove the delights of His love
Until all on the altar we lay;
For the favour He shows, for the joy He bestows,
Are for them who will trust and obey.

God’s love is demanding of all our self , it makes us do what we got to do, it makes us give up what we got to give up. love so amazing, so divine, demands my soul, my life, my all. It has been a good time at NWA reflecting on the past and committing the future into HIS hands. Resisting all temptation to put confidence in my flesh and resisting all temptation to have it my way. Committing all distractions at the altar and asking strength to move and stay faithful to what he has called me to do. It sure is a struggle but one that is worth it.

Programmed thinking

2009-01-15T15:55:00.003Z

Finally made time to go and visit my dentist before I left India. Normally there is a sign which says " Please remove your footwear " so once I reached there my hands automatically went to remove my sandals. When suddenly I was stopped by the same board which had a tick mark and said " Please wear your footwear" . For a second I thought I was reading it wrong but no it really did say please wear your footwear. To add to the confusion some people had left their footwear outside.

Having checked the signs again I went in with my footwear only to have people look at me with a sense of, who does he think he is wearing his footwear inside. Soon I realised I was the only one wearing my footwear. Then I began to think how could people have read it and still left their shoes outside. Or it would make more sense that they saw the sign and assumed that it was asking them to remove their footwear as that’s the norm.

While I used to do consulting for organisations during our initial diagnosis and our interviews we will try and see if there is a pattern of programmed thinking. Meaning to say are our clients used to thinking in one way in a given area of responsibility or situation. And most often we find that it is true and first thing that we do before starting our intervention is work through this aspect and make them see things as they are in reality.

Even as I was pondering and waiting for my turn to meet the dentist, I began to think even in my Christian life there are many areas that I am programmed to think in one way. For eg : if I had addressed an issue before, with the wisdom of GOD and by his Grace things got sorted next time around I am programmed to think that GOD will do it the same way and in doing that start to lean on my own understanding of things. There are certain areas where by default I am used to thinking ah I know hoe GOD works in times like this and to my disappointment many a times I am wrong and GOD works through totally different ways.

Last night in our house group we read this quote given to us as part of our material for discussion

“ We see how dependent a little infant is on its mother; and such must we be in the arms of God. We must undertake nothing in our own strength: in no circumstances whatever may we lean to our own understanding: whatever is devised, or whatever is done, the creature must be nothing ; but GOD must be all in all.” Charles Simeon

This really put things in perspective in my mind. It is all not new it is more like a reminder during times when we are most prone to think and lean on our own understanding. It is not an easy lesson either for someone like me who learns more through experiences and by doing things more than once, the tendency is to look at a familiar situation and feel confident that I can work through it. Who thought that a visit to the dentist would prove unusually insightful.

On marriages and becoming one

2009-01-05T17:22:00.005Z

Last few weeks I have had to go to atleast 7 weddings and a few engagements. Today was the last wedding I attended, it was my best friends sisters wedding. I liked what was spoken during the reception which clearly hit the point on why so many marriages just dont last.

" Marriage is when two people become one - Brilliant, but question is which one " many a times I have heard people talk about their spouses as to how much he or she should change or behave with the idea that the other person should change to become him or her so that they can become one. Someone once told me never enter a relationship thinking that you can change the other person , you will end up doing it for a life time and still not suceed instead keep the mirror in front and see where do you need to change.

I have been bombarded with questions as to why I have not said yes to marriage(as though it is solely dependent on me saying yes). People ask about your life what you are doing and they are happy then slowly they move a bit deeper and ask so when you come down will you start off where you left - then so will that be a nice good job - it will be wont it.. by which time I am slowly changing my body language and trying to move the conversation away . .

Survived these 4 weeks here and looking forward to go to Cardiff for some peace and quiet away from all the so called life defining questions.

God has been good through it all. I have not really lost my temper with any of my uncles. Though one I was almost there but I was able to be diplomatic. But BOY what a world some people think they live in . .

well I better be careful here otherwise what Socrates said might become true. .

"My advice to you is to get married. If you find a good wife, you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher"

A thought to ponder

2009-01-05T17:06:00.002Z

" I know who holds tomorrow ,
And I know who holds my hands;
with God things don't just happen,
Everything by Him is planned"

New Year – So what ?

2009-01-03T17:11:00.003Z

Been thinking to write for sometime but never got the time and space to do it. With writing I guess thoughts need to be captured as and when it crosses our mind. I have written at least 4 to 5 themes in my mind but never got to write them down.

Anyway been thinking about the new year and what is it about a new year. Why does it have to be any special than another month and another day. We don’t celebrate a new month do we or a new day.

So much has happened in 2008 most of which caught each nation by surprise. On a macro level things have only gone worse each year. 20th century was called as the bloodiest century of all time and looks like the 21st will beat it. For those in India and all around too the Bombay terrorist attack was something which shook peoples beliefs. If it was natural disaster like the tsunami the world could unite and help but for something like this where will unity come from. Move from the macro to the micro what happened to the Christians in Orissa – India, was also on the same magnitude only difference being this was done by an Indian community in trying to arrive at solutions.

On the relationship side there has never been so much chaos around the world. If it was only wars then loads of people could lead a detached life from reality thinking that nothing can happen to them. But overnight we saw the bankruptcy declaration of Lehman brothers. An organisation known for it's proactive ness and business acumen could not live another day. People lost jobs in thousands and suddenly it seemed the common man was going to go down financially and daily lifes were being affected.

Move to the sports arena and this year saw China beat the US and clinch the Olympic title. Lewis hamilton won his first championship creating records of all types. The mighty Australian cricket team got thrashed and have never been able to recover since then.

All in all, one thing that stands out is the uncertainty in everything. Political scenario in almost all countries is very uncertain. Nobody knows what to expect. Technological progress in itself has not helped the progress of individual lifes. In all this where does a common man’s optimism in life comes from. What is there to look forward to a new year. Will things change suddenly or as they say it is all in the mind.

Asking these questions has made me ask myself what is that I look forward to in the months to come. What difference does it make if you are a Christian. After a bit of contemplation and trying to think through a few areas I have arrived at a simple paradigm which is “ another year to learn to trust GOD and to live a life worthy of my calling “ . Things around us are certainly uncertain but admist all that is GOD’s guiding hand which removes the fear of a future and the panic of the present.

Richard Baxter expresses his thoughts in these lines:

My knowledge of life is small,
The eye of faith is dim,
But it's enough that Christ knows all,
And I shall be with him.

Which is very true. “ I shall be with him” isn’t that the only hope.

Even as we enter a new year , new month lets see the purpose through GOD’s eyes and at the end of it all we shall be with him.

casting all cares on him

2008-12-09T21:00:00.002Z

Hmm been a feeling a bit heavy at heart recently. Too many thigns weighing my mind. . got remembered of the verse " cast all your cares on him for he cares for you" been trying hard too.. but it is one of those days when thoughts only crowd your mind they dont leave your mind..

I am excited about going home even though it all happened so fast. it has been a bit hard really to unpack all my cares and give it to GOD. been constantly thinking about too many stuff going on in my life.. and it seems like suddenly life is in fast lane . . but thanks to GOD he never lets go of us and even during times like this his patience towards me/ us never changes. . Been realising more and more prayer is such a wonderful way of communicating and I can be myself. . .whilst doing it . .

cant think of a better time to thank GOD for Jesus christ .. there is hope.. even when all of life's troubles crowd our way ... it is important to fix our eyes on Jesus . .

until next time stay blessed . .

2 Corinthians 1:4

who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.

Hmmmmmm

2008-12-08T12:19:00.002Z

Last few weeks has been mentally tiring but thank GOD the work that I do keeps me going. It is always an encouraging thing to have conversations that point to GOD. In a few days I am flying back home . . I am gonna be home for Christmas after hmm think 4 years. Till last week nothing was planned but now Hmm I am actually going home.
Last week when I was in London I was in a conversation with one of my good friends and we were walking thru my life how things have changed and where I am today. Finally when we finished the only thing I was confident was I have hope in Christ for a future and sadly this friend of mine still hadn’t got it. He had more fears in Life than little hope. He quietly silenced himself by saying good you have but I never will. Sometimes there is that inner feeling that you want people to know GOD through a single conversation it was one of those moments I had while talking to him. But GOD's timing is not ours. Have known him for a few years now and I know a time will come when we will rejoice at him have come to know Christ. For me Christmas has always been about hope..

I have in a sense missed the Christmas activities back home.. Evangelistic music concerts, carol singing till 4 am, visiting family, planning trips with guys, staying in a coffee shop till late night after practise.. hmmm . . I know this time I will be meeting people that I have not met for 4 or more years now , friends who took different paths . . . I know everyone has moved on. But it will be nice to see how it feels to meet someone after so long and catch and talk as thought it was only yesterday we met. I have already decided where all I want to go and eat while I am there, what to ask my mum to prepare when I am there.. apart from other responsibilities that I shoulder whilst my stay there..

I know I will be asked a lot of questions some for which I wont have answers now, I will be questioned for what I have stood for and I know some will understand and some wont. But above all it is time with my Mum and Dad that I am looking forward too.. we have travelled a long distance and my folks have sacrificed a lot of simple pleasures for me to be where I am . . and also hoping to visit my uncle and Aunty and spend some time with them. Funny how in on of my previous post I had mentioned that I'd wish I could do peek into their life’s for a minute and see that they are ok .. and now I actually get to go and see them . . .

In a few more days . . I will be home for Christmas.. cant wait to see the surprised look on my folks face . . ah . . . something’s never change . .

He will never let go ! !

2008-11-25T18:42:00.002Z

Last few months have been times of gettign to know GOD on a different level. Moving into a different level of trust in GOD which most often in un explainble . But all of it was just about me and GOD. Hard times , difficult times, good times a mix of everythign really. There was one evening I was cycling and I had just encountered something which took me by suprise and off guard. And as I was coming back one thign that was going on in my mind was GOD you really let me down didint you . .but as I went back home and started praying asking GOD for strength ..and the verse that I got reminded was " I will never leave you nor forsake you"

I started writing down these words whilst strumming my guitar..

He will never let go
My Jesus will never let go
He has promised to be there
And he will never let go.

been humming the music for this and it has been a good encouragement for this month. The best place to go when discouraged is to go to the scriptures and get encouraged.

trod on the path that I treaded long ago

2008-11-20T21:58:00.002Z

Last week was missions Sunday week in my Church. Throughout the day we had various events organised as part of it where during the services it was all focussed on missions. The evening service was internationals service which basically meant that it was run by the internationals team and we had also invited some international students for the service. I was asked to give my testimony during the service.

Life over the last 10 years itself is a testimony and to confine that within a span of 5 minutes was a daunting task. Every time I share my testimony I only share bits a pieces and parts that which I feel GOD leads me into sharing. This time it was the decision that I had to take couple of months ago. A decision that has been difficult but worthwhile. Either to go back home and start off with a nice job which was ready and waiting or volunteer with Friends international and use my next one year of working time in the UK working with International students.

I am glad I shared my testimony as I could see how GOD had guided me clearly even though I was confused, impatient, taking the wide road and falling way short of his standards. I am constantly amazed at GOD's guidance and willingness to work in me and through me. When I quit my Job in India and came back to the UK, there were other reasons too but the heart of the matter was I was struggling deep inside as to what I was pursuing. Is it the career that I think I wanted or has GOD got something else for me. 8 months till April was a very difficult time emotionally, financially and spiritually. Absolutely confused as to where my life was heading, am in the right place am I missing out on what GOD has planned..

IN the morning service I was playing the bass and there was one song which touched my heart and encouraged me .. I couldn’t but think of HIS Love that has always been there following me and helping me come back to HIM . .

There's a wide-ness in God's mercy,
like the wide-ness of the sea;
there's a kind-ness in true justice,
which is more than liberty.
For the love di-vine is broader
than the mea-sure of our mind;
and the heart of the Eternal
is most wonderfully kind.

I have enjoyed my time here in Cardiff,, though I have recently missed being at home and enjoying the simple pleasures in life which comes in living with mum and dad. I have missed my favourite uncle and aunt and wonder how they are doing. Wish I could do a sneak visit in to their lifes and just see that they are all ok.

It is always “amazing grace" that has helped me tread the path that I trod years ago . . and it will be HIS GRACE that will continue to help me tread the path that I need to. Until Next time stay blessed. - Jasper

Loosing the BASICS

2008-10-29T19:23:00.003Z

I have pondered about writing this one for a whole day now. but thought it was a good one to write to as much as it is hard.

After coming to Cardiff I had wanted to do some regular sports activity. And since I had played hockey quite a bit in my early teen years and since I was good with the basics I thought it will be a good time to start again. The last time I held a hockey stick and went to play was in sept 1996. It was for my college and since I had already played a high level of hockey I was in the college team straight away. That year our college team was not a strong one too so we had to really practise and pull our socks up. I still think about the time when I scored the first ever goal for my college and we had won our first match. The local papers carried out the report my picture was in the news paper and it was a fabulous feeling. After that I had not touched my stick nor entered a playground to play hockey. So all these years I had lived with that feeling of a sense of higher achievement.

And so I thought why not try the local club here and finally landed to practise in the local club here. So I went to play Hockey and by the end of the evening I realised I had lost my touch. I could not stop a ball even once nor could I get past few defenders, nor could I do a pass. But the worst of it all was that I had forgotten the basics, basic rules that make you a big player. Even as I was practising I realised that things were not the same as it used to be. It was not the nicest of feeling. I have very few regrets with regards to the life that I had lived but giving up playing hockey will be on the top. It was a hard night to come home with and have a different to live with the rest of my life. I liked to stay with the nice feeling that I used to be good at it but not anymore.

Well even as I was pondering it within my self and also trying to accept the fact that I am nor more the hockey player I used to be I suddenly got to thinking it is the same even with Christian living. If I forget to get the basics right then Life will not be the same anymore. Simple things like spending time with GOD in prayer and reading HIS word everyday which is needed to have a healthy spiritual life will cease. Finally one day I will end up realising I had lost it, lost the connection with GOD. But thanks be to GOD that with his relationship all that we do is to just acknowledge and ask him forgiveness and start again from where we left. Unlike with the game of hockey it is hard to be how you used to be.

Well I am still trying to get in touch with reality with this one but boy it has been a hard few days trying to accept the truth. Until next time .. stay Blessed.

MY CHOICE - Bill McChesney

2008-10-16T14:39:00.002+01:00

Bill McChesney, a missionary in the Congo, was martyred by the rebels in the Stanleyville area. He had been beaten on a truck and his back was bleeding. Then he was speared to death by the “Simbas.” Sometime before his death he had written this poem entitled, MY CHOICE.

I want my breakfast served at “eight”, with ham and eggs upon the plate;
A well-broiled steak I’ll eat at “one”; and dine again when day is done.

I want an ultramodern home, and in each room a telephone;
Soft carpets, too, upon the floors, and pretty drapes to grace the doors.

A cosy place of lovely things, like easy chairs and innersprings,
And then I’ll get a small TV - of course, “I’m careful what I see.”

I want my wardrobe, too, to be of neatest, finest quality.
With latest style of suit and vest, why shouldn’t Christians have the best?

But then the Master I can hear, in no uncertain voice, so clear,
“I bid you come and follow Me, the lonely Man of Galilee.”

“Birds of the air have made their nest, and foxes in their holes find rest;
But I can offer you no bed; no place have I to lay My head.”

In shame I hung my head and cried. How could I spurn the Crucified?
Could I forget the way He went, the sleepless nights in prayer He spent?

For forty days without a bit, alone He fasted day and night;
Despised, rejected - on he went, and did not stop till veil He rent.

A man of sorrows and of grief, no earthly friend to bring relief -
“Smitten of God,” the prophet said - Mocked, beaten, bruised, His blood ran red.

If He be God and died for me, no sacrifice too great can be
For me, a mortal man, to make; I’ll do it all for Jesus’ sake.

Yes, I will tread the path He trod. No other way will please my God;
So, henceforth, this my choice shall be, my choice for all eternity.

Bill McChesney lived with eternity’s values in view. He laid up treasures in Heaven. His chief end in life was to glorify God and to enjoy Him for ever.

There would be less failure in our lives if we dedicated them to the glory of God and to the service of our Lord Jesus Christ. We cannot do this in our own strength but God has given us the power of His Holy Spirit. Let us be willing to share what we have with others.

I have extracted this piece from a website online( http://www.tpgh.org/CLP.htm ) and thought i'd share it here. I had heard it before but was not sure who it was and the story behind it.

God Bless

Standing alone . ..

2008-10-14T18:11:00.004+01:00

Hmmm it is almost like taking a heavy breath and saying wow Lord so much in such a short span of time.. I am enjoying being in the center of GOD's will and as everyday passes by I am more assured of his comforting presence in my life . . there are times I think let me just pack my bags and go home and start off better from where I left . . but then I realise that perseverence is also part of GOD's plan for me . .

I see myself in situation where when I say I trust in GOD people think I am nuts.. it is almost like worldly, logically that I should have a firm foundation and then step into what GOD has in store for me. The last time I was faced with that question I thank GOD for revealing that my foundation as long as it is rooted in Christ nothing else matters. Somewhere we are made to think that GOD's work can wait till we find it right to finish all our earthly responsibilities, and forget that it is the same GOD who provides wherever we are. Somewhere in the busyness of our life and in the roles that we take in it has emerged that I have to provide for my family, I have to work on my career, I have to buy my own house. .whereas it is GOD who provides for our family by opening up means , GOD who favours us in our careers and GOD who gives us the earthly posessions.

I am reminded of the verse which says "He who has called you is faithful and he will do it" it is not for me to do it.. my part is to be obedient and you dig further in the scriptures it says "Obedience is better than sacrifice" . . I was meditatiing on the verse which says "the harvest is plenty but labourers are few" . .. and it got me thinking what would GOD say today if he looked at the world. . .

I know at this time of my life there are lot of people who look at me with gazed eyes thinking that I am being arrogant with a sense of "I am holy " attitude . .but I am not.. for me the simple answer to all that is GOD has called me to be doing what I am doing at this moment and thats all that matters.. how he will do it is not for me to ponder.. will he do it yes he will .. when will he do it.. in his own time . . . my part is to fully trust in HIM along the way and live the Life of integrity and obedience that I am called to live.

Many a times I have stopped myself from saying things that I would normally tell people. There are times when my EGO pops up and I am almost about to challenge my side of thinking but I have begin to realise that GOD in his own time will make it all plain and I dont have to always convince or give answers to people. There is still the feeling of standing alone while the crowd is moving the other side but there is also the sense that GOD is with me and as much as I feel I am standing alone I am not as HE has said HE will never leave me nor forsake me . .

Until next time stay blessed . .

Philippians 4:6-7

6 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7 Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

Abide with me . .

2008-10-08T18:50:00.002+01:00

Life has been very busy of late , busy in all ways.. there are times when I feel GOd's presence very close and comforting and there are times when I feel far away.and I try hard to even sit down and open the bible...

One important thing I have learnt and I am learning is to trust GOD even in difficult times.. even when all helper's fail and comforts flee . . o GOD abide with me . . It is almost like lord the lessons are very hard to learn.. is there any other way that you can teach me . . but then I get comforted thinking GOD's timing and GOD's ways are perfect.. and there are no two ways about it..

I have seen GOD's comforting hand in my life before.. I have experienced the peace that passeth all understanding.. I have felt GOD's hand leading me in darker times and yet there are moments I feel far away . .so far away when people leave and things change . .

been singing this verse in my mind and thought i'd write it down here . .

The darkness deepens; Lord with me abide.
When other helpers fail and comforts flee,
Help of the helpless, O abide with me.

Swift to its close ebbs out life's little day;
Earth's joys grow dim; its glories pass away;
Change and decay in all around I see;
O Thou who changest not, abide with me.

GOD has been enough so far . . .

The markets crash

2008-09-20T20:53:00.005+01:00

Last week has been quite a dramatic week in the financial world.It was shocking to see major financial institutions that people thought were invincible going down and being bailed out. People are living in fears as to whether the great depression of the 30's will return.

What was taught in business calsses as an example of how not too has just happened. In other words history has repeated itself. I was seeing pictures and reactions of people who went to work one day and realised that their jobs were not there anymore. Some whose first day of work actually was the last without being paid. I could not stop to think of all those people who invested all thier time on the financial markets.. I know of some who their only identity was their Job. It is sad in one sense but also maybe an eyeopener in many ways for those affected and also for those who have seen it from afar.

One of the companies Lehman Brother has been in the business for 137 years . . .but overnight it died.. Organisations also have a life time we used to say when I was in my consulting years.. and another reality was organisations also have an organic growth cycle - birth, growth and death but if the right thing was done at the right time death could be delayed not avoided. . by that I meant death of an organisation is inevitable it can only be delayed.. I think this is a clasic example of that ..

When things like this happen in the economy it is interesting to see how the blame game starts.. who do people think is the reason, the CEO's of banks, or the policy makers or the government or the advertising agencies or who . . or does the problem lie within the individuals . ..

Organisations can blame organisations for it's death, or people can blame people for organisations death and in turn the loss of their jobs.. but Bible says there will come a day when we will all stand in judgement for the thigns that we have done and that day there aint gonna be any blame game .. Life will be purely seen as what it was and how it was lived. . . bigger than any catastrophy will that one be if we end up that day to find out ah .. what have I been chasing all my life , have I missed out on Jesus . . . that will be too late..

GOD who looks at our Heart . .

2008-09-07T17:09:00.004+01:00

On the morning of 1st of september I woke up thinking another new month has started. It is a normal thing back home in INDIA in our family to go to church on the 1st of every month and be part of a service. AFter coming to the UK I have not done that. But it was nice to look back and see how GOD had lead me this far.

To be honest it has been a few mentally tiring days as I have had done some thinking and spending time on reflecting on my own life. There are times I do wonder how would it have been if I had stayed in my Job in INDIA and kept on with the ambition of hitting it big.. and then immediately my mind relishes on the fact how GOD had provided me and guided me over the last one year. I do not regret at all having taken this path and the comfoting thing is GOD knows our/my heart. There are times and still are when people dont understand why I am doing what I am doing.. but I know GOD understands and he knows the heart of the matter.. being in the center of his will..

With that in mind I was praying and was asking myself some questions.. what do I want GOD to do in my life. or what does GOD have in mind for me for the next one year . . . in many ways even the whole week where I had my orientation was also narrowing down my thoughts to the same question . . by friday one thing stood out in my mind . ." attempt great things for GOD and expect great things from GOD" dont know who said it but I have heard it before.. thank GOD for creating the expectation to expect great things from him . . so that his name will be glorified . .

We were reading about David's life and the turn of events.. what came out clearly was the fact that right from the beginning GOD looked into his heart and not on his accomplishments .. it is easy to get carried away with accomplishments especially those involving christian activities.. but GOD is more intrested to see where our heart is . . and I am learning a lot on trusting in GOD on a daily basis . . .

I am learning what a privileage it is to serve GOD where ever we are, serving knowing that this is where he wants me to be. While playing high school hockey the happyiest times were when I was asked to play either right extreme position or center forward.. because my coach knew my strength and happy because I knew I can score.. as much as I was part of a team I was happy cause I knew that's where I am asked to play...

nothing much to ponder.. until next time .. stay blesed . .

Days go by

2008-08-27T14:25:00.003+01:00

Have you ever felt that days just fly by .. It has been a year since I quit my JOb in India and came back to the UK. LIfe has been very very different and the roads that I have taken have been very different too. .

So many things have changed, new friends, new place, new environmnet almost feel my life at the moment is fully new except for a few familiar things .. and those familiar things are the things that I miss the most. Family, food joints, my bike and freinds down the corner od the street . .. but GOD has been good .. in just keeping me safe wherever I am and making me meet the right people at the right time . .

It is comforting to know that he is incharge of my life . ..

In the name of the SON

2008-08-22T14:07:00.003+01:00

I had just got off the phone with my parents and thought I should write this down before I get busy with other things and forget this one..

I had spoken to my parents only yesterday and dad called again.. as soon as I heard Dad's voice knew soemthing was wrong as mostly it is mum who starts off or makes the call.. well someone had come home saying that his brother is a good friend of mine in the UK and his brother asked him to visit my home in Chennai, India. Even as Dad was talking mum in her own sweetness once she heard that it was one of my friends brother even without questioning or asking opened our gate and door and let him in. And even as dad kept questioning him and aksed him if he even knew my name or where I lived etc . .he had no answers . . he started sweating and he left.

SO once they knew I would have woken up here in the UK they called me to check if I had a friend by that name I said no and I asked why what's wrong. Then I heard the whole story. Normally I tell my parents beforehand if any of my friends are visiting them or anyone new that I know are going home. ANd any friend of mine will receive the same hospitality as I receive when I am home. It took me few minutes to get back to reality and can only hope my parents will be safe, and also mum will be safe when dad's not home.

Intresting point was that when the person said I am a your sons friends brother mum immediately opened the door. She just had time to think ah this is my son's friend. I could not stop to pause and think as to how the same thing happens even in our christian living we use Jesus the son of GOD's name without even knowing who he is.. and we still get away with it . .. someone said knowing who GOD is, is different from knowing GOD . .

Just a random thought ..nothing much to add.. will do when I ponder over it more . ..

staying focussed even when u dont feel like it

2008-08-22T13:34:00.002+01:00

Recently I was asked if I could help out with the guitar for an Indian evening. This was meant to be as part of the INDIAN Independence day and it was organised in a church by the church people. It was also used as an opportunity to reach out to non Christians. When I was called to play I thought they had no one else to help with the music so will go and do it also I was told it was a small group of christians getting together.

Once I reached there me and another friend of mine who was playing the keyboard we realised that most of the songs we did not know. We did not even know who was going to sing or lead . .Also all the songs were in a language that we did not know and the people who were singing were not people who regularly sing and lead. And the expected crowd was 400 hmmmm . . well after all these surprises we had an hour to go through the songs write the chords co-ordinate it with the singing team which had around 10 people. Talk about instant preparation.. this one was fast music . . .

But the only thing that triggered me was the guy who was leading the singing, actually 2 people were wanting to do it and it was almost like an hidden battle for the mike . . and as one person made sure he lead the worship what he did not understand was he was not a one man team. .he had a team behind him and musicians playing the music . Every song went from bad to worse even as he would sing in his own tone and in his own speed start off with one note move to another and slow the pace and suddenly race .. to top it all we did not have a drummer . . In a moment I thought well thats it .. if he does not listen to the music and sing in coordination with the team this is gonna be a big mess.. in my mind I was thinking GOD I cant get embarrassed before 400 people .. playing the guitar . . and in my mind I was battling whether to call him aside and tell him strongly, I did that on stage even as were singing but it was more like a hmm u know can u sing like this or can u slow here etc….

But that’s when it stuck me hard and I realised what would Jesus do.. will he tow him off or let him do the way he wants to or what. . .i figured that I will not tell the person leading any more but will just pray and leave it after all the music we were gonna make were not for the audience it was a worship towards GOD and he understands. .and I just prayed about it and kept quiet..

Finally when we were on stage I had to leave all my negative thoughts and just focus on doing what I was called to do.. out of no where we had a drummer arrive and play for us he did a good job to an extent and the singing was not Ok but I was able to worship GOD even as I played..

Guess sometimes(hahah almost always) GOD just wants us to do our part and leave the result to him. As a musician one of the hardest thing to do is to play alongside people who do not listen nor are willing to play along… especially when we are on stage glorifying GOD and leading people into worshipping him.. the only thing that devil will want to do quite often is to break the UNITY.. because once that is done then no matter how hard we praise and worship it would not have come from a sense of truth and united spirit..

well.. Life has been going on pretty fast of late.. and the future is looking very good.. it is more a matter of staying where I am and letting GOD guide.. in his own pace.. there are lot of things that I desire and miss but father knows best . .

Until next time stay blessed. . . Jer 33:3

Saying good byes

2008-08-10T14:20:00.002+01:00

One more time I had to say good byes to people I have just met and made good friends with. Last three months in Torquay has been a time of quietness and learning.But even as time came give a hug and say good bye I realised there are some people I may never meet again. And what do you say to them ! I wish I coudl tell them see you in heaven but knew some hadnt accepcted Christ.

I began to sense this heavness that maybe I will not see them in heaven . . and since then only one thign has been in my mind "People need the lord" . . and how important it is to live that life wherever we are where people can see jesus in us . .

Last few weeks have been a struggle myself in surrendering to GOD areas that I have held to myself over the last seven years. Many a times it is not easy to give it to GOD and not think about it.. but soon I realise that he can do a good Job with it than me doing it . ..

What a Friend we have in Jesus

2008-07-25T16:48:00.003+01:00

There are times when I feel that I am passing through a stage of disillusionment and weariness. I see myself telling Lord how much longer before my days are filled with work. I feel this sense of drifting away from the lord losing my spiritual usefulness and vision. Times when Prayer becomes an effort and Bible reading distasteful, and longing creeps in for a stimulus of some kind. And that is the moment to be very cautious about cause when that stimulus is something to drive your pleasure for pleasure's sake and outside GOD's will it is to be brought back to the cross.It could be as simple as idling away time or engaging with thoughts that are not to be engaged with.

Many a times we see how we could encourage others with scriptures and songs and miss out on when GOD is trying to drive the thought home.Whole of last week when I was preparing for the volunteer farewell programme and figuring out what I should say and communicate the only thing which came to my mind was what a friend we have in Jesus. IN fact even in the video I ended with the words of the song sung in background.

Last 3 or 4 days I have felt lonely than ever before, when the evening comes a sense of loneliness engulfs mind and I feel very heavy at heart. I would take my guitar and tears would flow for no reason. I will be afraid to go to bed for fear of walking up lonely. I try not to think about my family back home -mum and dad .. but when I am sick and I have this head splitting headache I just wish for those moments I am home and just taken care of.

And then this song came out from my mouth and I started to sing

"What a friend we have in Jesus"

What a friend we have in Jesus,
All our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry
Everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit,
O what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry
Everything to God in prayer.

It suddenly dawned on me that all along GOD was preparing me for this time of loneliness and make me realize "what a privilege to carry everything to GOD in prayer".

There is much to be accomplished in the days to come and there will be times of weariness but isnt it a nice feeling to have a friend who is there.

I wanted to go and search the background behind this song and it amazed me and made me realise that there are worse tragedies in life than just feeling lonley and GOD is able to fill that gap too in people's life. I am pasting an extract froma website which talks about the origin of this song and the author.

Today's Christian, July/August 2004

"What a Friend We Have in Jesus"
How an eccentric but compassionate Irishman wrote one of our great hymns.
By Lindsay Terry

Joseph Scriven

More than a century ago, on the streets of Port Hope, Ontario, a man could be seen walking along carrying a saw and a sawhorse. One day a rich man from across the street saw him and said to a friend, "He looks like a sober man. I think I'll hire him to cut wood for me." "That's Joseph Scriven," the friend replied. "He wouldn't cut wood for you. He only cuts wood for those who don't have enough to pay." And that sums up the philosophy of Joseph Medlicott Scriven, a devoted member of the Plymouth Brethren Church, who took the Sermon on the Mount literally.

Scriven was born in Dublin, Ireland, in 1819. He fell for a lovely young woman, but on the eve of their wedding she accidentally drowned.

Scriven never recovered from the shock. The Irishman began to wander, hoping to forget his sorrow. At age 25, he finally settled in Canada.

His faith led him to do menial tasks for poor widows and the sick. He often worked for no wages and was regarded by the people of the community as a kind man, albeit a bit odd.

He later fell in love again and planned to marry a wonderful Canadian woman. But again, tragedy struck. His fiance died after contracting pneumonia.

In 1855, a friend visited an ill Scriven and discovered a poem that he had written for his ailing mother in faraway Ireland. Scriven didn't have the money to visit her, but he sent her the poem as an encouragement. He called it "Pray Without Ceasing." When the friend inquired about the poem's origins, Scriven reportedly answered, "The Lord and I did it between us."

Scriven never intended for the poem to be published, but it made its rounds, and was set to music in 1868 by musician Charles Converse, who titled it "What a Friend We Have in Jesus." It has since become one of our greatest hymns.

Scriven died in 1886 (ironically, in an accidental drowning). In his memory, the town of Port Hope erected a monument with this inscription from Scriven's famous song: In His arms He'll take and shield thee. Thou wilt find a solace there.

Until next time stay blessed . . .

Jasper

Where could I go

2008-07-13T20:19:00.006+01:00

I have had a good day today . .Went to church, Pastor was talking about the prodigal son who came home.. and how GOD's love always follows us.. It is a nice feeling to be able to go to church and enjoy the fellowship.. I have been there only 6 weeks now but it was nice to know a few faces and tell them I am moving on . .

Have you ever had moments where you feel you are constantly asking GOD to speak ..I think I am in that phase .. it has been nice to have that kind of a relationship.. I dont know what to ask but I still see myself asking GOD to speak . . glad that GOD does not find me too demanding. . .Been hearing a few things from a few of my friends, as to their life at the moment and it saddens my heart.. you begin to realize that most of us are living in a personally wounded world of our own somebody somewhere some tragedy somewhere has hurt and the scars remain.. how do you muster faith in that kind of situation..where does the strength come . . You walk away listening to them and know only answer to that is Prayer.. there is absolutely nothing else one can do . .

My folks sent me an e-mail sometime back when I had to make a few decisions . . I never tell my folks when I am having a bad day as they would get stressed but my MUm has been pretty good in figuring it out even if she is nto talking to me . .. I am going to paste an e-mail from my mum . .the recent one .

Rajma how are you? we tried to contact you;

Today morning I hear one message; it was very much encouraging; not only that it is also prophecy; Read Jer.33:1-3 and Math.14:28-31 andMark 4:36-41

During the time of sinking......... disappointments..burdens...confusions...these all for a great start
call upon Him.

May His face shine upon you.

with love and kisses

daddy and mummy

when that e-mail arrived I was in the exact state, confused, sinking with my desires, burdened and yes disappointed.. and what a way to get encouraged.. over the last weekend I was asked many a times about my testimony and everytime I mentioned about my MOM's prayers ..where she would be praying for me before I wake up by 5 am and she would pray for me after i tuck myself into bed..she would lay her hands on me and pray ..most of the time in tears.. I only knew the depth of it . .GOD has been so good.and it is nice to look and be strengthened and believe in an "Ebenezer GOD" meaning thus far he leads us and he will continue too lead..

There are lot of desires in my heart that I wished GOD would do it immediately but I know the best comes in his time...

Where could I go but to the Lord . . .

Living in HIS presence

2008-07-12T12:30:00.003+01:00

I have had an eventful couple of weeks, Traveling here and there, bumping into old friends, catching up with existing ones, reliving childhood in some ways, being interviewed and interviewed and interviewed and being out in the sports field for one full day wow that was great. . . through it all what has been a blessing and an assuring this is I could feel GOD's presence with me every minute of the day . .feel very consciously that is . . .

My life has been a roller coaster ride over the last decade and people who know me then will be surprised as to how far I have come and people who know me recently will be surprised as to what I am going to do . . but it has been amazing how GOD leads his children through difficult times. . .

I was sitting in church in Cardiff and was asking GOD one more time please just encourage me and confirm certain decisions that I need to make.. GOD has done it before but in my own humanness I was sincerely asking GOD saying talk to me once more and give me the assurance.. and he did.. pastor finished the message by saying.."it is our duty to trust GOD and his to provide and protect" think in my own mind I knew GOD will provide in his own way but I wanted to hear the word protect .. I need protection wherever I am especially when you start work in the areas where you are giving people an opportunity to know JESUS . .

Back in London it felt nice ot be amongst people where I can be myself, eat sleep get up whenever I want to and have fun at the same time.. Every time I leave Ilford, London I feel like a small child refusing to go back to school. . but it is a nice felling.. I am looking forward to the days to come like never before . .it is nice to be able to see where I will be and what I will be doing for an extended period of time . . .

TO change gears a bit here . . " A thought, even a possibility, can shatter and transform us” said Friedrich Nietzsche if I can go one more step ..it can transform us for the better or for the worst and that is the choice which lies in our hands.. I am constantly amazed at GOD's gentlemanliness with humans . .GOD never pushes himself .. he shows himself reveals himself, makes us understand what he did on the cross but it is still us that has the choice to follow him . . the choice is ours to desire to do what GOD wants us to do . .and many a times it is that freedom that makes us think we are someone out there . . and that we think and therefore we exist . .

I always remember the verse which says "no eye has seen , no ear has ever heard, no mind has conceived what GOD can do through our lifes.. " . . and that one thought the possibility that I worship a GOD who has the ability and the potential to do it.. can shatter my doubts and transform me into the person he wants me to and do it to the best . . .

Through the Rhythms of Life GOD never loses hope in us and thats what I need to know at this stage of my life.. Until next time ..stay Blessed . .

God on the Mountain

2008-07-04T00:27:00.004+01:00

Been a bit discouraged of late just generally lot of things weighing in my mind. Everyone I speak too or meet want me to be sure of what i want to do with my Life. Career cant be got back etc..through it all I have only been asking GOD to quieten my mind and give me rest. This morning when I woke up there was a sense of heaviness in my heart and a sense of fear about a future. I prayed and normally GOD brings the right song at the right time and this is the one which I got this morning.

God on the Mountain

Life Is Easy, When Your Up On The Mountain
and You've Got Peace Of Mind
like You've Never Known
but Then Things Change And Your Down In The Valley
don't Lose Hope For Your Never Alone

[Chorus]

for The God On The Mountain Is Still God In The Valley
when Things Go Wrong He?ll Make Them Right
and The God Of The Good Times, Is Still God Of The Bad Times
and The God Of The Day Is Still God Of The Night

you Talk Of Faith When Your Up On The Mountain
oh, But The Talk Comes So Easy
when Life?s At Its Best
but Its Down In The Valley Of Trials And Temptations
that's Where Faith Is Really Put To The Test

It is so true, Life is easy when you are in a good job and good family and everything seems GOD lead. I have been encouraged by this song and I am at peace at heart and believe GOD will never leave me nor forsake me and he is still GOD of the valleys.

God Bless - Jasper

Rhythms of Life

2008-06-25T11:46:00.002+01:00

The Korean friend who I play tabletennis /pingpong had gone to Italy for 10 days and came back. We hadn't played for a long time and tonight we played again. Both of us know each other's weaknesses and even as we tried to get on top of the other the only thing we were trying to do was to break the other person's rhythm and make him make a mistake. Once you do that before he gets his rhythm back you play your shots and change the game to your advantage. There are times when I slow the pace of the game or increase the pace or change direction of shots.

The other thing is also once your opponent has broken your rhythm you try to get back quickly and get it back, if you keep playing on your weakness you will never get your rhythm back. Even as I was walking back I suddenly thought this is the way Christian life is. God gives us his grace and mercy and gives us new life when we accept him and obey him. And satan tries to break that rhythm, break your prayer time and substitute with something else, break your fellowship time, break your rhythm of kindness and being gentle, and mostly in relationships he tries to break the Love. And often times we given in and take a lot of time to get that rhythm back. But the earlier we do it we are on the top of the game.

For me personally this has been an enlightenment at the right time. I want to long to and desire to keep that rhythm of relationship going good with Jesus Christ, and there are many things that come in and slow my pace, make me change direction or even discourage me. Last evening I was playing Manual Drums in a programme for the first time ever in my life. I was excited as in just a few seconds I decided I am going to try playing it. Well now if I get another opportunity I will surely grab it :-) . .well last night the preacher was talking about Elijah and elisha. Learnt some new things from the passage and one of the things he was saying was how in today's world friendships , relationships and in work place we have lost the commitment to loyalty or in being loyal. Elisha was committed in being loyal till the end.Everyone around him also knew who he was and what kind of a man he was. Reflecting on how GOD sees me through his eyes, am I committed in my loyalty to Christ . . I am excited about the future . and I am praying that each day will add more meaning to why I am here.

Well lots of thoughts in my mind which I am still thinking about and smiling. Hopefully will get the time to pin it down soon.

Words can never EXPRESS

2008-06-21T09:26:00.004+01:00

I am sure all of us have had times when you go to GOD in prayer and then you just don't know what to say. I had one of those moments where I was in prayer but did not know how to express what I felt. Only needed the love of GOD to engulf me at that time and feel a hug from GOD. I got reminded of this song which I have sung so many times during my childhood days but has never meant anything like it did yesterday.

His Love is warmer than the warmest sunshine, softer than the sigh
His love is deeper than the deepest ocean, wider than the sky
His love is brighter than the brightest star that shines every night above
And there is nothing in this world that could ever change his love.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N0nQV0M7ws0

Scripture says nothing can ever change the Love GOD has for us. No matter how far we have traveled away from him he is always willing to do what he said he would do if only we come back to him and let him lead. I know I can come just as I am but sometimes thats the hardest part. But GOD never lets you down when you seek him with your heart and mind and he gives you that peace and comfort that you need.

Came up with these words as I was playing my guitar last evening.

Words can never express
What you are going through
Words that has been said
Said about you

It's hard when it's a friend
A friend you really knew
Jesus knows the hurt
And he will heal it for you.

There are times you feel you dont deserve what you get you deserve better, Guess GOD feels that way too .. everytime I sin he mite find it hard to explain the hurt, apart form just say that my sins are grieving him .. and GOD sure is a friend to me and he feels this friend " Jasper" who I really knew has said this about me and has did this to me.. human relationships become easier to relate to when we relate it to GOD first and see it through his Eyes. . . I am excited about the days to come. I have realized it is so easy to get my focus off what GOD has called me to do and focus on other things in life. IN doing that the finer things which GOD has promised he will take care suddenly seem to be behind my back and I start carrying more luggage than am meant to.

Remembered Max Lucado's book " Traveling Light" . I was reading it when I left UK after my studies fully committing my future to GOD and said lord there are a few baggages that I dont want to carry with me but 2 years after that I realize that I have picked up the same baggage and trying hard to carry it on my own.

Eric Liddell - Man who ran for GOD

2008-06-13T20:25:00.002+01:00

Been reading the biography of Eric Liddell the man and Missionary in China after who the movie Chariots of Fire was taken. I have heard about him in one of Ravi Zacharias message and when I came to Torquay I found this book in a shop. When my birthday arrived I was asked by the volunteer representative what I wanted for my birthday, I asked them what could I ask they said anything that you would like to have in a small budget, having no or less money myself decided to ask for the book and silently told th rep that if you think it is more I will pay for the rest. Hmm but once we went to the shop the book was gone but the receptionist immediately said that they can order one for me and it will arrive in a day or two but hmm without my knowledge it arrived that evening itself and I have been reading it on and off for 2 weeks.

I am going to type an extract from the book "Running The Race" : written by John W Keddie who accounts the events in Eric's life. But what I am going to write is one of Eric's speech and what he wrote in a book.

" I would suggest the discipline of rising half hour earlier than usual and giving the time to prayer , meditation and bible study . Be careful , however, not to fall into the habit of thinking GOD can only guide you at this one special time. Be careful, too, about your attitude to others who differ from you regarding the time they find most helpful. Be prepared to change the time of your prayer if the circumstances of you life lead you to feel it necessary or advisable.

He makes his position clear in another place

The Christian rule of right and wrong is the word of GOD. It is a light for his path and an instructor to educate his conscience. The word of GOD is profitable

"for doctrine" to teach GOD's will;
"for reproof" to challenge all contrary to that will;
"for correction" to correct errors in basic thinking
"for instruction" to train the conscience to lead us in the paths .. of righteousness(2 Tim 3:16).

I liked the way he brought about the uniqueness of that time with GOD and how not be judgmental.

Below is another extract form the book on one of his speeches.

"" Young, inexperienced and without eloquence, we have come before you because we feel that we have a message for you . . . . .We feel youth has an appeal to youth, and we want to give you our experience. We are placing before you during these days the things that we have found to be best.We are setting before you one who is worthy of all our devotion --- CHRIST. He is the Saviour for the young as well as the old, and He is the one who can bring out what is best in us . .

Are you living up to the standards of Jesus Christ ? we are looking for men and women who can answer the challenge Christ is sending out... Have you sought a leader in everyday life ? In Jesus Christ you will find a leader worthy of your devotion and mine. I looked for one I could admire, and I found Christ.I am a debtor,and no wonder I am a debtor, for he has given me a message which can only be experienced . If this audience was out-and-out for Christ the whole of Edinburgh will be changed If the whole of this audience was out for Christ, it would go far past Edinburgh and through all Scotland. the last time Edinburgh was swept all Scotland was flooded. what are you going to do tonight ?

What I liked was the challenge he gave to the people those who were listening.He was convinced of his convictions. I think with Christ there is a decision that need to be made every time you hear something about him or read about him. failing to make a decision can take us through roads in Life that we were never meant to travel. But as I said in my previous post, even when our faith falters his Faithfulness doesn't. Praise GOD .

I am glad to have finally written what was in my mind in the last post. Want to also write something I read from Oswald Chambers book .

"'We are all capable of being spiritually lazy saints. We want to stay off the rough roads of Life, and our primary objective is to secure a peaceful retreat from the world. The ideas put forth in these verses from Hebrews 10 are those of stirring up one another and of keeping ourselves together.Both of these require initiative- our willingness to take the first step toward Christ-realization , not the initiative toward self-realization. To live a distant, withdrawn, and secluded life is diametrically opposed to spirituality as Jesus Christ taught it"'.

Another passage which really opened my eyes to be cautious about my experiences especially at the time when I write songs..

""Ho!Everyone who thirsts, come to the waters...."(Isaiah 55:1). Are you thirsty, or complacent and indifferent- so satisfied with YOUR OWN EXPERIENCES THAT YOU WANT NOTHING MORE OF GOD? Experience is a door way not a final Goal. Beware of building your faith on experience, or your life will not ring true and will only sound the note of a critical spirit. Have you ever lamented, expressing your sorrow before GOD for the condition of your inner life? There is no thread of self pity, only the heart-rending difficulty and amazement which comes from seeing what kind of person you really are.""

I am still thinking and pondering about the truth in the passage but wanted to also share it here.

Until next time stay blessed.

What do you want to see

2008-06-10T17:22:00.003+01:00

Do you find something unusual in this picture? Can you see any human face in this optical illusion? If not just move away from the screen and try focusing on the center portion

I have seen many optical illusions and never thought about it. This week my flat mate Kevin had his eye tests and in his receipt he had the company's logo and their slogan written which said "What do you want to see" and that made me think sometimes Christian life also is like that. What do I want to see GOD do in my life. Do I want to see GOD work through me in a miraculous way or do I want to see GOD's guiding alone or do I want to see just a good day or last but not the least I never think about what I want to see GOD doing in my life.

The man who got healed form his blindness wanted to see his eyes opened, the man who had not walked for 38 years wanted to see himself walking again. Think faith comes out more when you want to see GOD doing in your life something which only he can do. I get very easily discouraged and have to admit i have forgotten what it is to see and seek what GOD can do with my life. When I initially came to Torquay I was more sensitive to it but as days went by and lots of things happened I live my life each day not seeking what GOD can do in my life. My quiet times have become more of an guilt trip thing. If I don't do it I feel guilty , the sense of seeking GOD's word early in the morning has gone and I am finding it difficult to memorize words.

Thank GOD he is gentle,kind and patient and he gives us chances time and time again. Every time we fail he helps us rise up and helps us to come back to him. Sometimes it can feel very disappointing to be going back to GOD with the same excuse. But thanks to all his promises and his word which constantly gives life to us. As some one rightly said ""our faith may falter, but his faithfulness, Never !

Back to the picture, either I can see a MAN's face (Jesus) or see the situation around me and look like the wearied lady walking or the sober kind of atmosphere the picture presents. Most of the times my life reflects these things when my eyes are focussed on Jesus I am happy and cheerful but when I focus on other things to be done and situations my life becomes a loners life and it hurts people around me too.

Think this will be a reminder for me each morning "What do I want to see " . .

Where GOD leads , he also provides

2008-06-01T19:12:00.001+01:00

Lately have been thinking about God's provision for a future. In retrospect it has been easy to testify that GOD provided but thinking about a uncertain future I do find it hard at times to say it boldly.

I was reading Corrie Ten Boom's book called "Jesus is Victor" where she quotes Elizabeth Cheneyand, I liked a small poem which talks about the verse in Luke 12:24.

"Said the robin to the sparrow:
I should really like to know
Why these anxious human beings
Rush around and worry so."

"Said the Sparrow to the Robin:
Friend, I think that it must be
That they have no heavenly Father
Such cares for you and me."

Elizabeth Cheney

Sometimes we do as humans walk around as though we have no heavenly Father...I liked the conversation between the Sparrow and the Robin about Humans running around with their worries/...

I feel sometimes when you know the path he wants you to take and it seems blurry , as in you are not able to see more than a few days ahead you begin to wonder and want to be really sure if thats the Lord's will or is it yours. But what I have learn t also is that GOD is a GOD who sees our hearts and he knows the desires as to why we want to do what we want to do and he will never let go of us. Thats the beauty and also the scariest part, GOD knows what you think , what you do, there is no question of feeling vulnerable in his presence.

Been reading a few books actually biographies about people who trusted in GOD well ahead and moved out of their confines and it has encouraged me. One truth stands out, where GOD leads he will provide, I do have a lot of need at this moment of time and I cant see myself even inching close to that, but I know GOD will meet me at my needs.

Sometimes you are left all alone to be encouraged, thought you have good friends and lot's of friends when you really need that encouragement you don't see any of them around. Thats the time to go to GOD and take his provision and his promises. all through life we will encounter situation where we are left along with only GOD to run to.

All through History not once have we heard of GOD letting down people, wherever he had lead them he provided, be it in the desert, mountains, whale's stomach, wilderness anywhere and everywhere.. he provided... he is the same GOD today and he is able to provide...when he leads. . .

Ravi Zach makes a statement in one of his message.."that which you have committed to GOD's hands he will take responsibility, but that which you have held tight to yours you are responsible . .interesting truth in plain terms . .

Intimacy with GOD

2008-05-16T22:01:00.002+01:00

Been thinking about this for quiet sometime now. I have heard messages on this before and have tried to get into a discipline of reading the word and getting to know GOD more.. but somewhere along the road lost that desire to be intimate with GOD. Just came back and read the last post I had written. God has been good that day went by really well and after that I have had some good days where every time I tend to get negative thoughts I just shoot a prayer. Guess at the end of the day all that matters is how we deal with the situation .. whether we do it in a loving , gentle way or try and and out a fullstop to things. There are time where I do feel am I doing the right thing but it helps to take it in prayer and be strengthened.

Well think it was last hmm Tuesday I was playing the piano here, I did not have the lights on and was playing some old songs and then had this sudden eagnerness to empty my heart and ask GOD to speak to me . . somewhere i started to cry and this song followed . ..

Lord it all seem so far away,
But I don't know what to say
But I am here lord to hear you say
So lord Speak to me

Speak to me lord
Speak to me
In the stillness of your voice
speak to me

Lord I am hear to listen
I want to hear you say
My son this is the way
So walk and Obey

Speak to me Lord
Speak to me
In the gentleness of your voice s
peak to me.

Been singing it in my mind through the day and at work. Sometimes i do wonder how did I get to where I am today , and wonder if this is where I need to be. But GOD time and again in the last one week showed me in his amazing gentle way that he has brought me here for a purpose and his plans are perfect.

I just need to remind myself that when u trust people they are likable to break that trust but that needn't be the end.. Imagine If GOD did that then well I would have lost the relationship with him long time ago.. ..guess when GOD trusted me with things he also knew that I mite mess it up and break his trust . . and he starts to work at it again . .

Think initmacy with GOD is built on that angle too, how much do we trust GOD and maintain that trust. The more I know who he is the more I amable to trust him for what he can do. Planning to spend more time in Prayer and use this time. I still at times get this vulnerable feeling but I am safe in his hands.

Until next time GOD bless.

GOD meets us where we are

2008-05-10T09:22:00.003+01:00

Them that honour me them will I honour. Only GOD knows our hearts and there is no faking in his presence.

Jesus confirm my heart's desire
To work, and speak, and think for Thee:
Still let me guard the holy fire,
And still stir up Thy gift in me:
Ready for all Thy perfect will,
My acts of faith and love repeat,
Till death Thy endless mercies seal,
And make my sacrifice complete - - - CHarles Wesley

1. He giveth more grace as our burdens grow greater,
He sendeth more strength as our labors increase;
To added afflictions He addeth His mercy,
To multiplied trials He multiplies peace.

2. When we have exhausted our store of endurance,
When our strength has failed ere the day is half done,
When we reach the end of our hoarded resources
Our Father’s full giving is only begun.

3. Fear not that thy need shall exceed His provision,
Our God ever yearns His resources to share;
Lean hard on the arm everlasting, availing;
The Father both thee and thy load will upbear.

4. His love has no limits, His grace has no measure,
His power no boundary known unto men;
For out of His infinite riches in Jesus
He giveth, and giveth, and giveth again.

Annie J. Flint

Have to admit I am a bit disillusioned at this point of time. Not disillusioned in GOD's love or faithfulness, but disillusioned in trusting people. I have this heavinesses in my heart and I am starting the day believing that GOD will enable me during this time to remove the vulnerable feeling that I am going through.

I am beginning to realize that it is easy to so easy to trust GOD and trust in GOD than trust men and trust in men. I want to be able to give what I hold dearly in my heart back to GOD and re commit myself to the calling he has called me for. Leave away all the distraction and not try hard to keep what I have.

I remember this learning that which we have committed to GOD's hands he is able to handle it perfectly.

I mite come back and write more but admist all the heaviness that GOD will keep me in the palm of his hand and give me the peace that I need.

some randon quotes . . .

“I think God leaves me alone to let me find my own strength because no one else can give it to me. Sometimes it is very lonely. But I know the lonely times teach me the most. I must let go in order to let anything in. No one can love me, for me. Take”

Sabrina Ward Harrison

“Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.”

“Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it's all over.”

Gloria Naylor

another new beginning . .

2008-05-07T22:04:00.002+01:00

Exactly after 8 months in London I have now moved to Torquay to work with a Christian Holiday center. Last night (6th night) when I left London it was a bit of a struggle, I had got so used to the company that I had in the house that I lived, Dany, Arun and Noel. The things that I got involved with, Wednesday connect, Friday meetings, Sunday church, Thursday practices, Tuesday catching up, Saturday sleep in and making sure that someone else(either Dany or Noel) wake up before me to make the coffee etc.. and suddenly it seemed that my evenings will be empty...and I am going to be in a place where I have to start all over in getting to know people.. I am not the best of person to get friendly very easily... it takes an effort and time . .hmmm

I have seen a pattern now in my Life over the last few years, the moment I get to become more comfortable in a place or surrounding I see GOD moving me from there, it could also be that once GOD had done his training in one place he moves me to the next. Have to admit there are times when I feel I mite loose the things that I hold close to my heart and things that I have dreamt of. At this moment where I am and what I am doing I cant see myself doing anything towards he dream that I had when I entered this country in the year 2005. But one thing I has learnt is better to be where GOD wants me to be than doing the things that I like to do.

Reached Exeter by 3 am and Kevin was nice to come pick me up from there and we drove into Torquay . . and GOSH had a wild life tour kinda of a feeling driving in the wee hours of the morning,, saw rabbits, porcupines, deers and foxes as we drove in .. today has been a good first day at Brunel Manor . . I am looking forward to be open and take one day at a time.. with things and try and just think about today . .

the 2nd song that I wrote (not fully) think GOD prepared me through this song..

Trust in him when things dont go your way
Trust in him when people leave you and move away
Trust in him when your dreams fade away
Trust in him to keep you safe

I'm moving on
moving on in faith
though I dont know where it will lead me
i know he knows
oh I'm leaning on
leaning on to Jesus
I dont have to worry about falling
coz I am leaning on him

A bit tired now. so going to get some rest.. and get some sleep . .

A random quote just popped my mind..and I am writing it down.. : "You have the choice to make your choices but you dont have the choice to decide it's consequences " hmmmm finally to finish Isaiah 49:16 . . I am safe in his hands.

Stay Blessed. .

Father controls the design

2008-04-29T20:14:00.003+01:00

This one is an extract from a book written from one of my favorite authors- Ravi Zacharias. I have a copy of it with me given to me by a good friend. As I read it again it made a lot of sense and a clear perspective of the hand of GOD. Whoever is reading it I pray that GOD will reach out to your heart as he has mine.I have typed down the extract from the book.

In my mind’s eye I see a modest-looking building in the northern city of Varanasi, India. Varanasi is perhaps most famous as the hub of Hinduism,since through it flows the sacred river Ganges. But it also has a deserved reputation for producing the spectacular and breathtaking saris that every bride in northern India wants to wear on her wedding day. Having attended numerous weddings while growing up in Delhi, I well recall admiring these magnificent works of art. The spectacular colors practically explode: reds that seem to be the source from which all other reds emerge;royal blues that look as though they reflect the oceans of the world; brilliant greens that appear to borrow from the finest emeralds and lend their softer side to all the well-manicured lawns of the world; and gold and silver threads that don’t just seem to be gold and silver because they are real gold and silver. All these colors get woven into patterns that one would think came from the perfect mind and the perfect pair of hands. I had always wanted to see how they were made. Who created them, and how did they do it?

I walk into a building and then into a little side room. In typical Indian fashion, the surroundings leave very much to be desired, but the final product is nothing short of a work of art. Essentially, a father and son team makes each sari. The
father sits on a raised platform with huge spools of brilliantly colored threads within his reach. The son sits on the floor in the lotus position (with apparent ease and comfort I can only envy — the first challenge would be to get into that position
and the second to stand up afterwards). The team wears basic and simple clothing. Their fingers move nimbly, their hands never touching any softening lotion. They hunch over their work, and their eyes focus on the pattern emerging with each
move of the shuttle. Before my eyes, though it did not appear so at first, a grand
design appears. The father gathers some threads in his hand, then nods, and the son moves the shuttle from one side to the other. A few more threads, another nod, and again the son responds by moving the shuttle. The process seems almost Sisyphus-like in its repetition, the silence broken only occasionally with a comment or by some visitor who interrupts to ask a question about the end design. The father smiles and tries in broken English to explain the picture he has in his mind, but compared to the magnificence of the final product, it is a mere lisp. I know that if I were to come back a few weeks later — in some instances a few months later — I would see the spools of thread almost empty and a six-yard-long sari, breathtaking in all of its splendor. Throughout the process, the son has had a much easier task.Most likely he has often felt bored. Perhaps his back has ached or his legs have gone to sleep. Perhaps he has wished for some other calling in life — something he might find more stimulating or fulfilling. He has but one task, namely, to move the shuttle as directed by the father’s nod, hoping to learn to think like the father so that he can carry on the business at the appropriate time.

Yet the whole time, the design has remained in the mind of the father as he held the threads. In a few days, this sari will make its way to a shop in Delhi or Bombay or Calcutta. A lovely young lady with her mother will note the saris on display.This one will catch her eye and she will exclaim, “Bohut badiya [how grand]! Khupsurat [what a beautiful face]!” A sari with a beautiful face, because a grand weaver has purposefully designed it. Before long, it will be draped around her, beautifying
the lovely bride.Now if an ordinary weaver can take a collection of colored threads and create a garment to beautify the face, is it not possible that the Grand Weaver has a design in mind for you, a design that will adorn you as he uses your life to fashion you for his purpose, using all the threads within his reach?

Still in Tune

One little stanza of an Isaac Watts’ hymn illustrates God’s majesty,expressed in the unique way he has made each one of us:Our life contains a thousand springs,
and dies if one be gone;strange that a harp of a thousand strings
should keep in tune so long!

Once you begin to see God’s hand in your life, you will know that his workmanship within you and through you was tailor-made, just for you. His design for your life pulls together every thread of your existence into a magnificent work of art.
Every thread matters and has a specific purpose.I pray that as you read these pages, you will see those threads come together and know that God is indeed the Grand Weaver
of your life.

RAVI K. ZACHARIAS

The test of time / test of faith

2008-04-29T16:19:00.003+01:00

Life in London has been good, though I never wanted to be in this city. Looking back it has been 8 months since I landed and so many things have happened. Met lot of new people in the crossroads, opportunities to serve GOD has been amazing but most of it all the way I have grown closer to trust in GOD has been the biggest learning.

One night I was in tears in my bed and literally was battling it in my mind and said GOD give me stength. I am not able to see where I am and I had my guitar with me. I just started to worship GOD. The verse "he who has called you is faithful and he is able to do it" from 1 thessalonians :5 :24 came to my mind. I never saw myself writing songs and being blessed by it. This song has been an encouragement to me everytime I sing it. Reminds me that I am safe in the hands of a GOD who is faithful and able. I am sharing the song below.

Test of Time

This test of time will soon pass away
This test of faith, will stay
He knows our fragile heart
He knows our human mind
And he will never give more than what we can take

Oh my GOD is faithful
Oh yes he is faithful
Faithful till the end
Faithful than a friend
Oh my GOD is able
Oh he is able
Able to do what he said he would do

Some folks may ask is it worth it all
Some folks say do you have it all
But my father says to cast
All my cares on him
And he is willing to lead me in

CH . . My God is faithful . . . . .

I keep walking, walking along the dusty road
Though times have been hard
I know he is in control
I keep waiting, waiting for the day to come
For my father to take me home.

At this moment even as I write my heart is sad and down but it gives amazing hope to just read the scriptures again and believe that Jesus Christ is a faithful and able to do the things he had promised he will do in my life. There are a lot of questions stemming from my mind, lot of negative thoughts, the feeling that hurts you to the core but thank GOD the peace that he gives rises above all these feelings. In a way every time I read what I have written it encourages me. God gives strength that is sufficient for each day sometimes I see myself asking strength for more than a day and get disappointed.

For now I know that my life matters to GOD and thats why he is doing what he is doing. 5 years ago I saw myself in a high corporate position talking corporate ideas and interventions. I knew that was not a big deal, to head the HR of an organization was not a big deal and I got so caught up in the intellectual side of things. I loved to drool over ideas, have conversations where I can question and get more clarity, loved it when people saw me above ordinary in some areas. But GOD had other plans and he is working it out beautifully, he has prepared my parents hearts for the plans too. I am all excited as every day springs up surprises, new people, nice people, some hurt you , some understand you, some have had enough of you, some look forward to the future... and I see myself able to stay calm and see my GOD knows it all and in his time he will make all things beautiful. I have had another song in my mind it is very vague though, maybe GOD will give me the words when I need them. Until next time..

Stay blessed and rem GOD is busy working it out for you and for me.

Seasons of Life :-)

2008-04-28T20:34:00.004+01:00

“Seasons change, friends move away, and life goes on from day to day. Flowers fade and streams go dry and many times we wonder why. Yet we can always be assured because God tells us in His Word, that unlike changes in the weather, his love goes on and does not change” anon

Of late I have been thinking a lot about the seasons of life. Every year we know is compiled of four seasons, spring, summer, fall and winter. There are times I wished I knew that life also had a sequence of seasons, so that you know whats coming next and look forward to it.Unfortunately there aint any sequence of seasons sometimes joy comes after sadness but sometimes there is no season of happiness and there are times when life seems to be on hold and times when it does not make any sense.

One of the thoughts that constantly kept coming to my mind before it made any sense was, this year the trees have been waiting long enough for the spring to come. And it is a nice feeling to see the new leaves and see the trees spring out with life. But this time around we have had snow , hail storms, heavy rains and absolutely no sunshine ( I mean proper sunshine) and the tress I think were very confused with the seasons. Imagine a tree that has stood the test of time for hmm maybe 20 years and still not sure as to when exactly spring springs up.

Isnt that interesting that sometimes we are also so tuned to a way of life, like in my country in INDIA, you start with school (12 years) then under graduation (3 or 4 years) then post graduation (2 yrs) then find a job , then car and it goes on. Most percentage of young people think that is the way of life and then suddenly you seem to be caught in a warp when things don't go that way for you.

But being a Christian myself I have begun to understand that GOD takes us through various seasons in life to refine us, to mold us to strengthen us and to perfect us. I was reading this vers from I pet 5:7 which talks about god perfecting, establishing, strengthening and finally placing us in a firm foundation. To do this he takes us through times of learning. Beauty is he also walks with us during that training it is not like the time when you are left out in the cold and asked to finish a task ..it is more like he walks with us and takes us through that training.Thats the time when trusting in GOD becomes a way of life rather than just the times when we are down.

It is sometimes hard to go through that training, especially when there are people who are already out there and you wonder lord cant this wait, for this moment cant you give me these things and then train me you know.. I will be a better prepared for the training , but the truth is that GOD does not want to depend on our own strength for the training he wants us to focus on him and let him train us .. as psalmist says .in psalms 66:10 For You have tried us, O God; You have refined us as silver is refined. . . all of us need to go through that refining part only then will we be able to reflect his glory.

What a day that will be when my Jesus I shall see,
And I look upon His face,
The One who saved me by His grace;
When He takes me by the hand
And leads me through the Promised Land,
What a day, glorious day that will be.

There'll be no sorrow there, no more burdens to bear,
No more sickness, no pain, no more parting over there;
And forever I will be with the One who died for me,
What a day, glorious day that will be.

I know where I am going !

2008-04-28T19:59:00.005+01:00

This month I was invited for an interview all the way to the border of wales. This was for the welsh fire personnel and they wanted a pensions officer who could also develop policies. So I was called in short notice like 1 day to plan and I clarified with them about my profile etc and made sure they wanted to see me. Finally I reach that place after few hours by coach then few hours by train then 30 mins by local bus and finally got to know that the BUSINESS Park I had to go had no buses going to that place from the little town that I landed and getting a taxi was not an easy thing. Asked a passerby lady the route to the park and she gave me a sheepish grin and asked me" you are not planning to walk are you ? " I was like yes mam I am going to, how far is it anyway , she reluctantly told me about 4- 5 miles it was actually 3(5 kms). Ah very good I thought it was almost like a triathlon with a twist ..

The interview went well except for one question that I did not have an answer too, and came back only for the people to call back and let me know that , they are re advertising and that they had got the requirement totally wrong.. how sad can that be especially in the UK , where people think organizations has the best of the best practices. And they could not get a requirement right and actually found out after interviewing 12 people for the post they thought they wanted. . .Well I said thank you very much hope you get what you want.

After that one day I was preparing to lead worship and this incident came to me you know.. the day when I get to meet Jesus face to face he is not going to say sorry boy I got the requirement wrong, he knows exactly what he wants and it is our duty to fit into his will. He has spent long enough to make sure we understand that calling of his, scripture says, even our hairs in our heads are numbered and he knows it, not two people are alike and I am unique.. but one thing that can go wrong is I can reach that point and find out I have got it all wrong, see the blue print he had and look back and see ah how I missed it all because I was so selfish and thought I knew to handle it.

Sometimes getting involved in Christian activities can also end up that way. God is a god who looks into our hearts, it is not the activity that matters to him it is the people and their hearts who are involved. Now a days I get to play in worship sessions with different musicians a lot and get this feeling that somehow people think that by doing a fast song we can get people to worship, if we sing a slow song people will sleep.. and we need the music to keep us at that point of worship.. and thats when I get reminded of the scripture that says, not by power not by might but by my spirit sayeth the lord. It is only the spirit of GOD that convicts not the song fast or slow does not matter, jumping or not jumping , clapping or no clapping, nothing matters but the attitude of the heart and how much one is able to worship GOD in truth and in spirit . . . GOD is seeking for those..

God took me all the way to wales to just teach me the fact that when I meet him face to face his blueprint for my life will be perfect and I hope to align myself to that blueprint in the months and years to come so when that day comes my father will say well done my good and faithful servant. Oh what a day that will be :-) . . .

Feeling at home

2008-03-24T22:18:00.002Z

When was the last time you felt at home in the lord's presence. I sometimes think about my time at home in INDIA. I would go home late after practice or meeting up with friends and there will always be food on the table. I can remove my shoes anywhere, go ot bed without changing, have a mug of coffee thats not finished right beside my bed and etc.. the point is I don't think twice when I am at home. It is almost like everything gonna be ok, of course mum will have her share of complaints and dad his but nothing will change the fact that it is my home and I am their son.I don't go home wondering will there be food, or can I do this etc.

When we were studying through Psalms 23 in a prayer retreat. This was what stuck me, David felt at home in the lord's presence. The last verse says I will live in the house of the lord for ever. There is no question or doubt that he will not when the time comes. That drove in me a very important thought "When was the last time I felt at home in the Lord's presence" the feeling that engulfs your heart and mind with peace. That nothing is gonna change and GOD is and will be loving and faithful. Last few months I have gone on my knees praying fully loaded with thoughts and even after praying I would be thinking about them.

The beauty about David's life was once he committed something into GOD's hands he never went back to take it. When he asked GOD to lead him he did not take lead he waited for GOD to lead. Every time he went to GOD trusting in GOD's righteousness and not in his wisdom. Very few times do we see David trusting in his human wisdom and in himself which actually took him in the wrong path.

Points that I have noted down.

1. What kind of a life should I lead which would make GOD look at me and say a man after his own heart ?
2. How in my daily life can I also practice the art of committing things into GOD's hands and not have to worry about it ?
3. In order to feel at home in the Lord's presence, what is that I need to remind myself of ?

Seven years ago I did not have a Job but then I also did not have a proper degree to find a Job. The one that I was doing I failed to finish it within the stipulated time. But then two years went by, by the time I finished and cleared all my arrears. then I did my Masters, GOD's grace got a Job even before I finished my Masters, then changed Jobs, gained some amazing learning and experience, thought about what next, thought about an Internationally accredited Masters, came to the UK to do my MBA went back to INDIA found a good job then now back to the UK and seven months have gone without me having a Job. After all the seven months one thing that I have been able to imbibe in my heart is, the GOD who lead me when I did not have an education and a Job is the same GOD who will lead me when I have this amazing education and no Job. It is easy to sit back and feel everything is gonna be ok.

When it all seems so far

2008-02-15T21:50:00.002Z

Hmmm one more time I have been told that I am too experienced for a Job, both the time I knew I could do a good job and also add value to the role but hmmmmm. Everything seemed so far away, my dreams, things I wanted to do in the coming months, people I wanted to visit all suddenly seemed very far away and for a minute GOD seemed so far away, I was almost like saying Lord how long , , was not able to pray was not able to think straight, I was kinda sure I will get it and I got it but was too experienced to do the Job . . hmm should I have not done my MBA - - .. well it was a hard time but thing is when you trust your career to GOD he works things out in his time and his way which is the best. It was nice to talk with one of my friends that night and be comforted, it was nice to see someone being able to relate to where I am and encourage me.We told each other that one of the worst things that we can do is to doubt the goodness of GOD. It is almost like the people of Israel during the journey out of Egypt.

It was also nice to be encouraged by my Mum and Dad, they let me cool off and got back to me and said they believe very much GOD is in control and that they are not worried anymore about their son's life. I do have my moments where I feel totally disconnected with GOD in my life but I am glad that GOD is not finished with me yet infact think he is only getting started. .

In His Palms (---)

2008-02-09T23:40:00.000Z

One of the things that I asked GOD to do for me this year was to give me strength for each day as I was not able to see my life beyond that. Life has been a bit of a roller coaster this year but one month into 2008 I can look back and see GOD has been encouraging me with enough for each day. It is so easy to get caught with pressures of daily life and forget the goodness and guidance of GOD.It is so easy to take the steering and ask GOD to sit behind.

Saturday evening I went for a concert, it was a by a lady called Hanah yousuf and apparently she has had these musical evenings before in our church. This was the first time I was going. It was a very small crowd but the purpose was to have a small crowd and bless the people with music. I really enjoyed the small crowd and being able to sing along with a person who has written songs from her heart. One of the songs she sang was "in His Palms" it really caught my attention, remembered the verse int he bible which says in Isaiah 49

"'Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? yea, these may forget, yet will not I forget thee. Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me.""

it was such a comforting feeling to just be reminded that GOD is always thinking about me and is always watching over me. Last week there were things that happened that made me think why me ! and I was finding it hard to really sit and pray and really talk to GOD, I was not angry or anything, it was just the feeling of not being able to open up . . but as always GOD is patient and he knows how to draw us near to him. That was a blessed Saturday evening. Remember what I read in David Livingstone's biography.. as a young man he wrote an incredible prayer in his diary ...

"Lord, send me anywhere, only go with me.
Lay any burden on me, only sustain me.
Sever any ties but the tie that binds me to Thy service and to Thy heart."

Ravi zach comments about David's life as one which was lived on his knees and also died on his knees, he died when he was praying . . . when you hear people's lifes like this, forsaking all for the love of GOD and to be what he has called to be it sure opens my eyes to be able to trust a GOD who knows the future ..... it will all be worth it . .

Last year I read three life telling books one was , David livingstone's story, another was Adoniram Judson and another was Hudson Taylor all of these men had to forsake so many things.. in order to lead the life GOD had intended for them . . . I remember some of the verses in the bible 1. Mark 8:36 -- For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? . . 2. John 12:24 - "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. . . Livingstone changed the life's of people in Africa, Judson was instrumental in translating the bible in the Burmese language, and Hudson Taylor kept going back to China and made in roads to preach Christ Crucified...

In HIS palms he has engraved me, what a comforting thought to rest upon. Sometimes it takes time to see how significant are we in GOD's eyes. GOD is constantly watching my steps I just need to follow. There is so much to learn everyday and as each day goes by I am beginning to feel very conscious of the presence of GOD in my life.
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Publish Post

A GOD who thinks

2008-02-06T22:43:00.000Z

Sometime GOD just reminds us what he had already taught us years ago. This is one of those character about GOD that I know and have known for sometime now but remembering it again at this phase in my life is so encouraging.This evening in our connect group we were talking about the times when GOD mentions in his word as to how unique I/we am/are to him.It was a nice feeling to just take a moment,pause and think about it. Everyone shared what came to their mind,

A GOD who shields us from all evil from James,
A GOD who never slumbers nor sleeps and is up 24/7 watching over me,
A GOD who said he who touches you touches the apple of my eye,
A GOD who knew me even before I was conceived in my mother's womb,
A GOD who knows the number of hairs in my head,
A GOD who watches over my steps,
A GOD who has a future and a plan for me and who gives me hope,
A friend who sticks closer than a brother.

Even as people were sharing it just hit me hard that this GOD who i know is actually thinking about me, watching over me. When I am in Love with someone i tend to think more about the person during the day, any situation arises and I tend to think how would it be if I had my loved one next to me.But even me when I am sleeping I cant think about the loved one, and when I am focusing on a job I cant think about the person. It amazes me as to how much GOD is in love with me that he never takes a break in thinking about me. It was a very comfortable feeling.

Over the last month or so my MUM has made it a point to keep talking to me daily, even if I have nothing to say she just wants to hear my voice. She wants to speak to me and hear me say I am ok. If my MUM who is so human and who has known me for only the last 28 years loves me so much, how much more does a GOD who knew me even before the foundations of the earth will love me.

Thoughts are very heavy in my head but my mind is a peace, total peace that I worship and know a GOD who is constantly thinking about me. January has been a very difficult cum exciting time for me. I got a call from one of my friends in Poland saying last 3 weeks he has been burdened to pray for me and mail me, but was not sure what was going on in my life. My grandmother called up my mum and asked her to tell me to hang in there and put my trust in GOD, my mum constantly encourages me with the scripture which she felt GOD has been talking to her for me, she has started her fasting and prayer once a week for me, another brother of mine also felt the lord asking him to pray for me wherever he is. Hmmmm guess I still have hope in Life because of all these prayers from people and the fact that my GOD is thinking about me.God is who He says He is, and I can trust Him for all my needs and I can go to Him for every hurt! Nothing is either too big or insignificant to Him.

"And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered."
Matthew 10:30

"He(God) will not let your foot slip- he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep."
Psalm 121:3-4

I Will lead you home ! !

2008-01-31T22:29:00.000Z

Was lying down tonight and reading a book by Don Gossett and also saying prayers in my mind. There was this restless feeling and a certain feeling of sadness. Sometimes I wonder how I traveled this path and always wonder what it would be to be doing something on the lines of "no eye has ever seen, no ear has ever heard , no mind has ever conceived " what GOD has in store for those who love him. Suddenly the road seems very long and I feel lord I am tired already of all the learnings how long before I get started.

Then in the radio this song by Michael W smith called " I'll lead you home" came. This was one of those songs that I used to play every night in my CD player. I thank GOD for the radio as it feels like just home as all my cd's and cassettes around 300 of them all lying in INDIA and definitely out of reach for me now, but I do get to enjoy it through the local radio. The right song at the right time.

I'll Lead you Home

Wandering the road of desperate life Aimlessly beneath the barren sky
Leave it to me Ill lead you home
So afraid that you will not be found It wont be long before your sun goes down
Just leave it to me Ill lead you home

Chorus:
Hear me calling Hear me calling
Just leave it to me - Ill lead you home

A troubled mind and a doubters heart You wonder how you ever got this far
Leave it to me, Ill lead you home
Vultures of darkness ate the crumbs you left And you got no way to retrace your steps
Just leave it to me Ill lead you home

So let it go and turn it over to The one who chose to give his life for you
Leave it to me Ill lead you home

Just leave it to me
Ill lead you home
Leave it to me
Ill lead you home

Felt the peace of GOD in my heart again that he has promised and he is faithful and capable to Lead me home. Sometimes you start to wonder Lord the pieces don't fit, guess with GOD even when the pieces don't fit HE can still make a difference. Until next time stay calm and blessed.

Potter and the clay ! !

2008-01-31T01:34:00.000Z

Hmm every time I talk to my friends about my childhood I enjoy it so much simply because I have no regrets. some of the things you can never do it again and still get away with it. I wasnt as smart as I thought I was as eventually I would get caught with dad and then hmmm what followed would be a typical example of Proverbs 13:24 "He who spares the rod hates his son,but he who loves him is careful to discipline him." for my dad that was a GOD given responsibility and oh boy he knew that verse really well. But slowly things changed the moment I grew above his shoulder and when I did something wrong he would not do anything to me but just say a few words, I was surprised and so was my MUM. It was only later I heard what dad told mum "he has grown above my shoulder now I need to treat him as my friend" gosh once I heard it .. it was as though I had got my license to do what I want to do...

Tonight in our connect group all of us shared our testimony as to how we came to know GOD. It has been quite some time since I shared my testimony and even as I was sharing, in the back of my mind I was thinking hmmm GOD has brought me from nothing to something today and he had his own way of doing it. Little would have appreciated certain things back then but now in retrospect I am able to see how GOD molded me into the person I am today. Still remember the time under a tree in the year 1995 at around 8pm on a Friday evening in a big playground on my knees I gave my life to Christ, GOD had been following me for quite sometime and I did have encounters with him but it took me more than a year to surrender my life to him and accept him as my personal Saviour. I cried and asked GOD to forgive me for my sins, and asked him to give me hope to live by. Life wasn't rosy after that but I knew where to go when it hurts, i knew where to go when lost, knew where to knock when cold.

A couple of Sundays ago when I was playing the piano in church someone came and told me, ah never knew you could play piano too,, me being me didn't know what to say literally blushed, smirked and said well praise GOD.. I can manage and only do it when there is no one else to do it. as I was walking back remembered the good old days when I Started to learn the guitar there were very few musicians in town, and I started playing it because all my friend had left me then, I was involved in a bike accident and had broken my shoulder and things between parents and me was strained, then thought well I need to do something and luckily and that time my dad offered to get me this guitar. It is old now and almost out of use but I still have it at my home in Chennai.

And then once when I was asked to play for a womans conference in Chennai yes. they did not have anyone else to play so they asked if I could help with the music, I said yes and finally when I went there they did not have a guitar. By then I had touched the PIANO but not played a full song or so, and the only option was a nice old piano in the corner of the room.I only knew 3 chords in the piano and I was not sure if i would embarrass myself so I went and told the sister(who had invited me) sorry I am not confident and I only know 3 chords.. she was persistent and said don't worry we will sing with the chords you know.. and she also made a statement saying who knows maybe this is your start with the piano and you will never stop. Well she was right , not that I am a maestro but I have had lots of opportunities to play the piano especially in churches when there is no one else to do it.

Think it is always good to reminisce the past and see the hand of GOD move in our life's, it rekindles my faith when I do it, it reassures my hope in Christ, it brings tears of Joy, it gives me faith in the potter and I am glad to be the clay. It reminds me that he who has called me is faithful and will remain faithful till he has completed the good work in my life.

Down Memory Lane

2008-01-29T22:23:00.001Z

It just stuck me today that last year around same time I was getting all ready to fly back home to INDIA.Totally clueless as to what GOD had in store, knew my parents needed me there for a while. Had a few farewell's and had to say good bye to lot of people that I had come to acquaint with during my 4 months in London. I wasn't sure if I would come back to the UK again, not that I did not have the avenues to do so but just the feeling of being unsure.

Well time has flown by and so much has happened over the last one year. I have been in situations that I have never been before, had to say good bye's to friends, relatives, work colleagues, a good Christian band, comfort of home,mum's bed coffee, dad's gently nudges, my uncle's smiles, my aunty's diplomatic advices hmmmmm ..on the other side I have been able to see GOD's presence in my life though things did not go the way I planned it to be,,, learned so many things.. this evening I was cutting onions for the chicken curry and even as I was cutting I was able to see the different layers of the peels.. and for a second thought about how GOD prepares us and teaches us different things, just like how in the onion the inner layers are more fragile and soft than the outer ones, our life's also have areas that are very sensitive and areas that are very hard.. like for instance to really forgive someone who has broken your trust in a sensitive area but GOD teaches you how to do it, then the thick layers where we get angry at people and that takes time to change..

One of my best loved song writer is a man called Andrea Crouch, I was able to see who he was and how he looks like only after 5 years of singing his songs..songs like "to GOD be the glory" "Jesus is the answer" . . . thanks to technology and websites like youtube nowadays you can watch classic recordings which people have in some remote corner of the world.GOD willing I will be able to play the piano like him one day... One of his songs called "through it all " is a very special one to me.. .. remember in 2004 I was going through a tough time personally and was wondering why am I going through this. Then realized through all the tough times one thing stands out you learn to trust in GOD. When GOD sees that we put all our trust in HIM I think it makes him very happy and it sure must feel nice. When my parents started trusting me with my decisions I felt very proud and happy.I had this feeling that I have already made it in life. This is the link to the song will try and add the video in my blog itself.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CvIxwc90BEI

I would have never imagined to see this video years ago, especially a live performance in a BillyGraham crusade. Remember when these crusades happened in America we had it telecasted(not live) in many parts of INDIA and my mum used to help with a mission agency who were transmitting this. TV's were not a common thing, we always assembled in one place where someone would have a TV or they would organize a big screen and around 50 of us will sit around it to watch it. For me then it was a time where I can sleep on my mum's lap while she was watching it and then also a time when I did not have to think about homework or tests. 2008 has been a very eventful year so far in many ways. Looking back Life has been good, GOD has been at his best as always, knowing exactly when I need what and giving me that.

As days go by and I am able to understand what it is to be a Christian, what it is to experience Christ but more than anything I am able to trust him to lead me through. Finally a few lines that I heard years ago about trusting GOD.

FACING GIANTS IS AN INTIMIDATING EXPERIENCE!
DOING BATTLE IS A LONELY EXPERIENCE!
TRUSTING GOD IS A STABILIZING EXPERIENCE!

for those who have traveled the path I have, you will understand how trusting GOD can be a stabilizing experience ..because at every curve or difficulty you think you are loosing your balance and hold in Life and the trust in GOD stabilizes the situations. Was talking to one of my GOOD friends about trusting GOD and she mentioned about how in her life trusting in GOD has also brought back hope, happiness and a sense of assurance that things are gonna brighten up. As I mentioned in one of the earlier posts with GOD trusting him is 100% and he knows the ratio pretty well.

I am pilgrim and I am not alone ! !

2008-01-19T13:42:00.000Z

Recently I have been having some good conversations with people and it is nice to know that there are people out there who are in the same stage in life just like how I am . Thinking the same way I think, learning to trust in GOD and leave the worries to HIM.

Was talking to one of my friends from France we worked with a mission team together for 2 weeks in Oxford. She was mentioning that out of 12 people in that team almost 7 are thinking about missions and how GOD is raising a generation of people who are willing to leave the confines of society. This is really exciting. I know my time will come and I need to just trust GOD to lead me to his purpose and also for GOD to fulfill other desires in my Life.

I have always wondered what it would be like resting in HIS Peace and I think I am beginning to experience that in my Life. The busyness of Life and the situations around me can really steal that kind of Peace. Sometime it mite even be that I need to quit what I am doing and focus on trusting GOD. Cant believe I said that as this is exactly what i have done last year.. but forgot to focus on trusting on GOD and hmmmm God has been patient in bringing me back to HIM.

This morning we had 2 people come home and said they would like to share something from the word with. My house mate did not realize that they were from Jehovah's witness and so once they came up they started talking. 2 months ago there was anothe rcouple who had come and I think this time it was a different couple but they surely know where they are going. LAst time around after 2 hours of conversation GOD gave me the wisdom to discern between his work and stay put on the scriptures and what I believe. I remember Ravi Zach's words.. "obedience to known truth becomes crucial than the search for the unknown " finally the man went saying we came to convet you and you are trying to convert us, I said with a smile, conviction can come only by the spirit of GOD and not by human words.

So yeah this time around once we started talking with this couple I could see the same pattern of arguments and finally my mate figured this was getting no where.. and we decided to share them the gospel and give a challenge to try what we believe hmmm .. why am I saying this.. it has made me realize more that unless I am rooted in GOD's word my beliefs can easily fluctuate and Satan knows which button to press.

My morning devotion today was on the parable of the seeds.. and I was particularly drawn to the seeds that feel on thorny ground. . .where Jesus says "that seed is like the person who hears the teaching and understands it but lets the worries about this life and the temptation of the wealth stops that teaching from growing" hmm how true can that be you know.. I remember a quote which i wrote in my bible too.. " Faith and fear cannot live together as one will eat the other out"

Everyday I am growing to know more about Christ and his ways and suddenly Life makes every sense Living and I look forward to every new day that comes by. Now to the title .. i listened to this song on radio.. somehow country songs get my attention quickly and it stays in my mind .. just writing down on of the stanzas form the song which made sense to me..

I am a pilgrim
Once settled and sure
Now disillusioned(not really now but was) with what’s gone before
Restless until I can enter your door
And rest in your presence O God.
I am a pilgrim
Will you be my guide
Be my companion and walk by my side
At my journey’s ending with arms open wide
Hold me in your presence O God.
I am a pilgrim

Someone said the only thing that we can take with us is GOD presence in our life's. SO stay encouraged my friend .. His presence is enough to lead us through . .. Until next time.. stay encouraged..

Father knows Best

2008-01-17T23:40:00.000Z

I was strumming my Guitar in the dark with just my table lamp when I got a song in my mind that , felt the urge to write the words down.. So I logged in to capture the words and saw an e-mail from my MUM. Looks like she has got up from her sleep and suddenly wrote this to me.

Our Dear Son,

Hope you are fine. May our Lord God bless you with His peace and with all His riches.

No matter how insignificant or 'amateurish' you may feel today,the Master has these words for you:"Don't quit-keep playing". He will add whatever is needed to turn your efforts into a masterpiece.

Take heart our son; Your God is compassionate and mighty.

With love and kisses
Daddymummy

Two things amaze me

1. This evening I was helping a friend of mine fill out her SOP(statement of purpose ) for her college admissions. So I opened up my SOP's that I had written 2 years ago for my MBA and passed it on to her. IN the process of reading my own SOP I was clearly able to see the ambition and the passion to excel in a career. Immediately I started to think lord you brought me this far and now I don't have a Job that I like to do. Feel all the passions that I had, has disappeared. But GOD reminded me how he has patiently removed me from being ambitious about a career to being ambitious of doing what he has called me to do. And my folks e-mail was just what I needed to hear.

2. Was watching the news and I had to close my eyes often as I was not able to watch it. This was happening in Kenya. People living in slums were being evacuated and so the local people were fighting against it. The government retaliated with force killing people and it was so gross the way people were being dragged and beaten up. In one room where there were 11 kids tear gas flames were thrown and a BBC reporter who went there 30 mins later could still feel suffocated .. how much would the Kids have felt it.. Hmmmm I began to feel Lord what is that I can do.. and all that I can do is pray and I did feel a bit insignificant in my prayer.. but hmm my folks mail were straight to it.

Also in the news was the BA flight which had lost all its engines 400 mtrs above ground and miraculously landed without hurting anyone, dragging itself along the green grass. This is what the reporter said.. ""very fine line between disaster and a miraculous escape "" I was pondering over this statement,, how very true.. most miracles is a thin fine line between disaster .. even in our life's if not for GOD's miracles life would be a disaster.. and the greatest of it all is the Life that he has given to us . .

Well now to the song that I wrote .. managed to remember only 4 lines.. it always happens unless you write it immediately you forget it . .

Would you ever really trust me with your life
would you ever really give you me all your sighs
Would you ever really believe that I can work miracles
If you really do then give me the burden that you are carrying

Will be sitting and doing it again sometime and pray that GOD gives me words.. Lot of thoughts and events has crossed my mind today but now I am going to bed with a light heart and a Happy feeling.

Finally in close these words made me smile . ..

Life does have it's way of dealing low blows,
Leaving you confused,unhappy and wandering which way to go.

When all your efforts to find or recapture happiness have been at their best,
Then only God can do the rest. and hmm my Father sure knows what's best.

When doing what's hard is best

2008-01-15T10:17:00.000Z

God pursues us in our restlessness, receives us in our sinfulness, holds us in our brokenness. —Scotty Smith

As every day goes by it seems that the purpose that GOD has for me is disappearing. I have learnt so much over the last year and GOD has constantly tried to get my attention. Life has become so busy and too much in my plate (even though i rarely worked) and suddenly you realize hmmmm I haven't done a good job carrying this baggage with me. Remember when I flew back to INDIA earlier last year not sure what my future held and in my flight I was reading this book travelling Light by " MAx Lucado" it put a perspective in my life as to how easy it would be to leave the carrying to GOD and I just do the walking. I was talking to GOD and thanked him for the opportunity to get an education and the opportunity to be in a different part of the world. Now it seems like I have lost the thankful heart for the same things, life seems very normal and only thing that seemed to matter is my Job.

Over the last month GOD has been speaking through his word, my folks and friends and only one thing stands out. The verse in Isaiah 40:31 which says " But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. And I feel every time that I think about something GOD is telling me, trust me have faith in me and I will do it, but in the mean time just do what I will you to do. Looking back I have had continuous opportunities to do something for GOD and encourage people and I just need to keep doing it.

But what I have realized is waiting and trusting in GOD for something very close to your heart is a real test. For one you know GOD knows what you are thinking and doing, second the deal is very simple giving it 100% percent to GOD and GOD knows that ratio pretty well. Suddenly I realize that this lesson I have never learnt before all that I am going through is very new to me. I know it but really trusting now it has come to a point where trusting GOD is the only only option left it is then that you realize hmmmmm now GOD I have tried but to no avail, lead me through. Hmmmmm this is exactly what I said 13 years ago but it was in a different situation. I had no career no perspective about life and ambitions and looking back GOD has been good. This time around too I am sure HE will lead me through. I mite not have what I have now but it will be worth it all.

Songs that say it for me ...

Taking My Time Album Along the Road, Becker, Ashton & Dente

The world is turnin' Telling me to hurry on
You gotta run to get ahead Try to take the things you want
But when the sun begins to set So many things I haven't done yet

But I won’t worry Cos there’s no hurry
The world’s not passing me by For the Lord he knows
Just where each day goes I know he won’t leave me behind
And I won’t be bringing A single thing
That my heart can’t carry inside
Yes I’m going home & I’m only taking my time

The weight of worry Is never worth the price
Of a world of treasures That can never satisfy
I know heaven’s up ahead Where the best is yet to come

So I won’t worry ….

Being close in a relationship takes time and effort—even when it’s with the Lord.
—Anne Cetas

Little Children carry Godly wisdom

2008-01-13T10:04:00.000Z

I just came back after playing guitar for a worship service. I was asked in the last minute to play and I was not sure i should accept it as Saturday I was playing for a programme in Liverpool and came home only by 1 am and slept by 2 am and this service was by 8 am which means I have to be there by 7:30. But I got up and left as I really wanted to worship GOD this morning and talk to him.

After the worship the pastor said we are going to have a testimony from a 4 year old girl who has had spent half her life time in surgeries and who now goes around with a tube attached to her nose. Her testimony was she recited psalm 23 and it got me to tears sitting there. She has had liver transplants, surgery done to her eyes etc.. and here she comes and recites The lord is my shepherd I shall not want and when I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I shall fear no evil for you are with me.

And as that was not enough to wake my faith up, another little child stood up who was 5 years old, and she said she has a severe travel sickness so far but she prayed to GOD that when she goes out with her class on a picnic she did not want to get sick and praise GOD she was perfectly alright. Now well that was a real shot at faith in GOD.

And then another boy stands up aged 6 who is a footballer. Said he prayed to GOD to remove the pain that he had in his Knee so that he could play football and GOD sure did.Now I was feeling a bit bad about my faith over the last few months, well I did trust in GOD but my focus was on the situation and I got drained of all my positive energy so as to say. It was a very tiring morning but the Lord has refreshed my spirit and reminded me of something that I already knew so well.. Faith like a child. All the above children took their eyes off their situation and focussed their eyes on GOD.

Jesus said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. (Matthew 18:3).....I think because the more we grow the more we start reasoning and need evidences and confirmations .. whereas faith is simply trusting in GOD and believing, I mite not see what I need to see and hear what I need to hear but I believe that GOD can do it, just like the little child who said even when I walk through the shadow of death I shall fear no evil.

Finally a picture that caught my eye.. .. until next time.., stay blessed. . .

Oh, it's all right here

2008-01-11T11:58:00.000Z

Well well my last few posts has been something I just spontaneously wrote without much of a reflection, just to see if it does make sense to me when I read it back and it sure did.
I received an e-mail from my folks this week and I am going to share that here and also add a few more things that I learnt during this time of waiting, loosing, realising and recovering. These are just exactly what my folks wrote to me. They know nothing of what is happening in my life except for the fact that I am yet to find my Job.

"" Today I listened to some preaching which encouraged me so much; So I
am just telling the gyst of that [you already know].

God is in control; ... still in control.
God is great in authority, power ....
Let us praise His name!
God reigns; He reigns in His Holiness
Our crisis, sickness, financial difficulties ... or any
thing... can not affect the truth that God reigns.
God is faithful and He is always right.
God works thro evil people too [99:6]
God works thro our prayers [Ps.99:9]
Not only He reigns; works...He is great.
Blessed is he whose help is in the God of Jacob[146:5]
please go thro.Ps.146

Let your heart and face be no longer downcast; but shout
aloud and sing for joy, my son. Your blessings are very
near.
LET US THIS DAY REJOICE.

This to me is a great encouragement because my fokls are with me during my testing times. As I mentioned in my earlier post my friends have left me during this time
of testing. But GOD has kept my folks in good health and also restored their confidence in me through his word.

I listened to this song in UCB radio and it made soem good sense to me. It is all right here, this moment in my life is all right, my trust has been misued, my love has been taken for granted, my career has eluded me, and also there are some people who have become friends to me, people who have made me feel comfortable with them, people who I have been able to have a laugh with, people who I can pray with .. and hey it is all right here.. it is hard but it is all right. .

All Right Here Lyrics Artist(Band):Sara Groves

It's every loss and every love
It's every blessing from above
Here I am, all added up
Oh, it's all right here

It's what I know, and what I'm guessing
Half truths, and full confessions
It's why I choose to learn my lessons
Oh, it's all right here

(Chorus)
And I'm not God, I'm a girl - I confess
That I don't have a sea of forgetfulness
No, it's all right here
It makes me stronger, it makes me wince
Makes me think twice when I pick my friends
Oh, it's all right here
It's all right here

It's caution and curiousity
And tt's all the things I never see
Welling up inside of me
Oh, it's all right here

It's what is best, and what is worse
It's how I see the universe
It's in every line and every verse
Oh, it's all right here

(Chorus)

Every heart has so much history
It's my favorite place to start
Sit down a while and share your narative with me
I'm not afraid of who you are

I'm all here, and you're all there
Some of this is unique, and some of it we share
Add it up and start from there
Well, it's all right here

I love hearing people share their liefs and also share what GOD has done in my life. Maybe the next year or so I will be telling or sharing with people how GOD has worked throug hin my Life taking me one day at a time. I have a few interviews coming up and I am more confident in christ than ever before that even if I dont get a Job that I like for the months to come still I will put my trust in HIM and the battle is won.

Finally one of the my favorite lines..

Circumstances may appear to wreck our lives and God's plans, but God is not helpless among the ruins. God's love is still working. He comes in and takes the calamity and uses it victoriously, working out His wonderful plan of love.

Eric Liddell (Missionary on whom "Chariots of Fire" was based.)

Oh it sure is all right here :-) . . .

Lonely Times / Costly things !

2008-01-09T18:37:00.000Z

Feel very lonely at heart. My 12 string Guitar is leaving my home tomorrow. feel very sad, I bought it with a lot of ambitions and it was a life time buy. Guess anytime you get too close to something it is time to let that GO. My parents were so proud of me when I bought this Guitar. I had saved money for 2 years and then when I came here to UK I bought it. People change, it hurts when people you love turn their backs on you and actually lie to you. How do you handle that ?

Remember the song Through it all.. the verses which says.. Through it all I learn to trust in Jesus. Very very true, over the last few months i have friends who have left me because I dont have a Job, I got short tempered when stressed, nobody wants to stick around when your life is not going good. Well not sure why and what .. I just want to rest in GOD's love and forgive people that I need to forgive.

I have been encouraged by some loved people too, and be able to see that Jesus never fails. What GOD has planned he will do it in my life and this is the time I need to wait patiently and focus on HIM.

Is Poverty really history ?

2008-01-05T23:29:00.000Z

I havent really thought about writing this one.. but this picture got my attention to the extent that I have given it some further thought.. Recently one of my friends mentioned to me as to how much food is in excess in her country.. what people call a full portion here is a small portion there..

On the other hand what is a small portion here is actually a week's meal for a person in some parts of the world.. Poverty has been around for years and years now.. is there a solution to it.. education was meant to release people from poverty but has not served it's purpose.. technology in some ways was seen as the ultimate to end poverty by giving people a self sustaining technological solution.. it seems that anything in the wrong hands will never be right..

There are so many times when I have wasted so much food.. remember when I used to grow up my grandmom used to tel me.. one speck of rice that you waste will leave you hungry for one day.. when I grew up I never used to waste even a speck of rice.. but now I seldom do think about it.. I don't understand the imbalance that has happened over they years.. when GOD put Adam and Eve it was in a well thought , full of life garden and then came SIN and ruined that.. over the years.. the same man kind has created a world which rules itself by it's race, colour and ethinicity.. what has become more important is the identity that one has been born with..

I dont seem to have an answer to the questions that I ask myself.. but I sure do know that I can do my part whilst I am still here in this world.. Just as GOD has planned it for me...there are lot's of disappointments and hurts which only GOD knows.. and he has assured me that he will take care of them all.. Life is so fragile.. I mite have a good job. money in the bank for security, friends to hang around, prayer group to sustain us, good health..a understanding, caring, truthful and loving wife but imagine over night I get stuck with cancer or I loose my leg or something which makes me scarred for life or even that doctors give me a date till which I will live.. what happens then.. my job will be gone, friends hmm will be gone.. wife not sure (cant comment on that).. but what will never change is Jesus will still be there to sustain..

I know my thoughts have roller coasted tonight.. and I am not sure if what I have written here makes sense.. hmmmm maybe in a day's time when I read it again will figure it out . .till then.. Good night and God Bless...

Home - Work - Life - Through Good times and Bad times.

2008-01-04T23:09:00.000Z

Been wanting to write and rant for sometime now.Dont want to open up with people and add to their miseries or minus their happiness.. there was a time when I used to handle training programmes on work life balance and today HOME is the only place I have been over the last 16 months. I wish my life was like in the picture in three different directions but hmmmmm it is all on one direction. Cant believe to myself that I have been out of work so much over the last two years. Was planning to do an MBA the wrong choice ? was meeting people along the way the wrong choice ? how did I ever give up a Job and move in to another country ? was it worth it ? or is it really that I am in the right place at the right time....

Have good place to live in, nice people to live with and this work eludes me.. just like other things in life that eludes me...some people are very genuine and they care and they want the best for you. they stand with you in times of sadness and want to just hang in there(they mean it by taking their time and patting your back).. and there are some who are close to you but they are so engulfed in their own lifes and their feelings, happiness..they say they they really wish all goes well but hey the next time you meet them they will say the same thing.. and thats when they will remember you either... in reality the word care is just to say it because thats what one should be saying to someone in a tight situation.. do people who you meet really care that i dont have a Job..I am not sure they do .. and if they did there will be a minute in a 24 hr day to just say a word of prayer or sent a word of encouragement..

How long do I persevere.. why am I not able to see GOD's hand move in my life.. is this the phase he had planned it this way for me.. or maybe like I don't learn from my mistakes because as Epictetus said long time ago . ." It is impossible for a man to learn what he thinks he already knows"" I think I know the reality of Life.. I think I have been through times and this present time has caught me by surprise... why is it that all along I stood my ground .... GOD brought me this far from nothing to something and am I questioning his hand in my life.. Guess not I am sure that GOD is in control of my life.. but the present situation is making me rant a few lines... I remember what I listened on radio some days ago. . and I am quoting it . .

Satan Tempts Us...

"Satan tempts us at the point of our physical needs, not that we might gratify them to excess, but that we might think of nothing else and gratify them at the expense of our usefulness in this world. Satan tempts us at the point of our ambitions, not that we might engage in positive evil, but simply accept the fact of evil, learn to live with it, come to terms with it, and maintain a discreet silence in the presence of it. Satan tempts us at the point of our religion, not that we might disbelieve in God, but that we might demand certainty — that kind of certainty of God that leaves nothing to faith, nothing to God Himself. These are the moral struggles that have reality for people such as we are. The subtle temptation to renounce our duty in favor of what is attractive. That insidious allurement to a kind of half goodness which is the essence of everything bad, and which is more productive of suffering and hatred, war and misery in this world than all the designs of wicked and greedy people combined."

Arthur Leonard Griffith in his book “God’s Time and Ours” as quoted by Ravi Zacharias on his radio program Let My People Think in the message entitled: Absolute Truth in Relative Terms (pt.

Someone said Knowledge when not used at the right time will evaporate.. and the fear that I will loose what I have learn t is also there.. but one thing is sure abvious my passion to accomplish for CHRIST is becoming more clear.. no matter what the cost is it will be worth it all.. to quote Ravi Zach . .

Leave as Peter left, Paul left, Judson left, David Livingstone left unless we leave the confines of some of our security some nations in the world will be left untouched. Young people Wherever you want to build an altar would you ask GOD if he demand of you to leave for his glory you are willing to do it. in the coming years I will be building a family alter by HIS grace and want to remember then the commitment that I made to HIM. . .

And finally the bigger picture is unfolds in the quote below . ..

"" ALTHOUGH the threads of my life have often seemed knotted, I know, by faith, that on the other side of the embroidery there is a crown """

Corrie ten Boom, My Heart Sings

Is there ever really anything new about a new year?

2007-12-26T17:09:00.000Z

2007 has come to an end. You go around the city, every shop is wishing you a happy new year,every friend wants to wish you the best. The new year buzz is all around.I read these lines in an article and it made me think Is there ever really anything new about a new year?

" The world is full of beginnings and endings.We begin a new year with a
certain hope--another year, another chance, a new day.But we carry
with us the same fears, the same longings, the same resolutions.Is there
ever really anything new about a new year? "

Many a times I feel I haven't seen my life in retrospect and seen the goodness of GOD. The excitement of the new year is there but so is the gratefulness of GOD's hand in my life during the old year.

I have lived in two countries over this year, half in one and half in the other, half the year with family and friends from church, half with friends in UK. One of the statements that I seem to be making often is "Time sure flies"

This year I don't know what I will still have, I am not sure if I will have my family my friends hmm even my 12 string guitar, but all that I know is I will still have Christ to cling on to and that's the assurance for the year that is gonna start, The New YEAR .

Maybe for people it may seem like a new ray of hope, but what will happen in January 2008 that hasn't happened in December 2007 we don't know but we still hope that it will more brighter than the day, month and year gone by.I don't mean to be pessimistic here but somewhere I feel I miss the truth of it all. I see people waiting to get a promise from the lord for the new year, and people looking forward to change their life style, get back loved ones, climb the ladder for some get married, for some year of jubilee. Well they said the same thing in 2007 but what GOD had planned happed the way he planned.

Well after all these years I have realized new year does not mean new beginning but it sure does mean that no matter how your year turns up GOD is still with you and maybe in Dec 2008 I will not get so excited about the new year but will get excited about the hand of GOD in my life during the year and be assured he is with me, even if I loose my job, friends, loved ones, material things list goes on.

Love / Life worth dying !

2007-12-18T14:25:00.000Z

I like to see and hear real life stories, especially those which involves a sacrifice. Growing up I still look back and see the ways in which my mum and dad sacrificed their life for me and mu sister to grow up. Some people may say that they should have lead their life not thinking about children and that life is not about children but they sure obeyed GOD and taught us what they had to.

Recently I was watching this movie about a 17year old football hero who gave his kidneys for his grandmother. He had an amazing career in front of him but choose to sacrifice that for his grand mom. Was he a Christian ? not sure about that but the act sure was Christian. I then went online to find out if this was a true life history and sure enough it was. But what the movie did not show me was this young man at the age of 25 was shot dead in US. Now grandmother lived to see his loving grandson die. I have posted the incident as reported in an American newspaper.Hope whoever it is that is reading my blog will enjoy it and that life's real face will be seen.

— Daniel Huffman's life was turned into a made-for-television movie because when he was in high school, the football player donated his kidney to his grandmother, saving her life and forever confining him to the sidelines.

Florida State football coach Bobby Bowden, left, helped Daniel Huffman get a scholarship as a sports trainer.

Now his grandmother has lost her hero.

Huffman, 25, was found dead with a gunshot wound to the head Monday at his home in Normal. His family members and friends are questioning why the guy who was known to be happy and courageous is gone.

The McLean County coroner's office said there was no sign of foul play in his death and an inquest will be held at a later date. Huffman's friends are struggling with the possibility that he might have taken his own life.

"There is no answer," Shaun York, who discovered his best friend in a garage, told the Chicago Tribune for a story in Sunday editions. "No one knows why. No one. I've racked my brain ever since. I'm his best friend, just loved him to death and I just don't know."

Huffman, an outgoing defensive tackle on Rossville's high school football team, decided to put away his football gear in 1996 for his grandmother Shirlee Allison, whose diabetes left her seriously ill and in need of a kidney transplant.

She could have waited for a transplant, but Huffman, then 17, did some research and pressed doctors to allow him to be her donor. He loved football, but the sacrifice meant he could no longer play contact sports.

The summer before his senior year Huffman had the surgery, and word spread about the boy from the small town of Rossville, which is about 40 miles east of Champaign.

Sports Illustrated did a story on him. He was honored with a Disney Wide World of Sports Spirit Award, and Florida State University Coach Bobby Bowden gave him a scholarship even though Huffman couldn't play football again. There was also the television movie, "Gift of Love: The Daniel Huffman Story" that starred Elden Henson as Daniel and Debbie Reynolds as his grandmother.

Huffman didn't think of his donation as an act of heroism.

"If you love someone and you can help them, any way you can, you're going to do it," he told The Associated Press in 1999.

Huffman spent three years at Florida State, working as an athletic trainer and later in the sports information office. He moved back to Illinois in 2000 after his grandfather died, and he helped care for his grandmother.

Huffman began working in various security jobs, but every weekend he would visit Allison, take her shopping and wash her laundry. He recently talked of completing his college degree, and dreamed of teaching college English.

"I have a lot of good memories of my grandson," Allison said. "He was always so happy, so fun. He put a lot of joy into everyone's life. He was always doing things for you, making you feel so special."

Do better now my child !

2007-12-17T18:06:00.000Z

Was sitting at home and thinking about my life over the years and remembered this poem and searched it and found it finally...

A Poem by a Schoolteacher Quoted by: Ravi Zacharias

He came to my desk with a quivering lip.
The lesson was done.
Have you a new sheet for me dear teacher?
I've spoiled this one.
I took his sheet all soiled and blotted,
gave him a new one, all unspotted,
and into his tired heart I cried,
"Do better now my child."

I went to the throne with a trembling heart.
The day was done.
Have you a new day for me dear Master?
I've spoiled this one.
He took my day all soiled and blotted,
gave me a new one, all unspotted,
and into my tired heart He cried,
"Do better now my child."

This is exactly how I feel when I go on my knees before GOD, sometimes with a trembling heart sometimes with a sad heart sometimes don't really know what to say and feel..but all GOD says is do better now my child.. My heart sure is tired now.. too tired infact that feels like I want to go to a mountain and sit in silence and talk to GOD....

Like to add a few lines from Ravi Zach's book the Grand Weaver.

""It is your heart in close communion with God that helps carry you through the pain, beyond the power of mere words. We went through a very tough time as a family over the last two years, and one of my daughters said to my wife and me, “Sometimes I wonder if God’s plan is a little bit like these GPS systems in our cars. You get off route and a voice tells you you’re on the wrong road—make a U-turn or make a left—and somehow it prompts you to get you back onto the main route. You might take the long way there but your destination is the same, and like the GPS, God calculates the way back.” I think it’s a brilliant analogy.

The children of Israel wandered around for forty years. It should have taken six weeks. God said, “Wrong route—get back here. Wrong route—get back here.” Our stiff-necked belief tells us we have it all together and so we don’t hear God’s direction. But in God’s grace He leads us back. My purpose here is simply to note the appointments God makes with each of us individually in the disappointments of our lives—both the threads that He brings in and the ones that He leaves out. That is where we will find the distinctive shape and imprint of the Grand Weaver. ""

God sure will take me where I have to be, needless of the wrong road I have taken, not that is not an excuse to travel and go where I want to. It sure is a thing of the heart the GPS will tell us but it is still our decision to take that road or find our own way. Now to my tired heart well have a good night ahead of me guess just have to cast all my cares on HIM and sleep in peace. Isnt that easy till you just figure it.

Coldest winter but warm inside

2007-12-15T12:31:00.000Z

We had a few friends come home for dinner the other night. It was almost -3 deg outside. But inside our home we had some really nice chats and we were recollecting fond memories of our childhood. We never intended to do it but as we sat near the fire place, memories came by in full swing. BOY I would do anything to go back and relive my initial years of childhood. What fun it would be, always upto mischief and always into trouble of all sorts. Eagerly waiting for dad to come home and spank me coz after that I can look out for the next trouble hahahaha. . Well thought this pic near the fire place with the bright smile (which my memories of childhood brought me) makes me say ..it sure is a a cold night but my heart is warm.

Shattered Dreams - Wounded hearts

2007-12-14T10:00:00.000Z

Thought i'd pen down some songs that mean more to me when I think about my ambitions and passions for life. These songs come to life because the people who wrote them went through situations which made them come out honest and open before GOD.

Only place where we can find our Identity is the cross, it has answers to all the questions.

SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL
If there ever were dreams that were lofty and noble,
they were my dreams at the start;
And the hopes for life’s best were the hopes that I harbored down deep in my heart;
But my dreams turned to ashes, my castles all crumbled,
my fortunes turned to loss; So I wrapped them all in the rags of my life,
and I laid it at the cross.

Something beautiful something good ,
all my confusions he understood ,
all i had to offer was brokeness and strief,
but HE made something beautiful….of my life.

GIVE THEM ALL

Are you tired of chasing pretty rainbows?
Are you tired of spinning round and round?
Wrap up all those shattered dreams of your life
And at the feet of Jesus, lay them down.

Give them all, give them all, give them all to Jesus
Shattered dreams, wounded hearts, and broken toys.
Give them all, give them all, give them all to Jesus
And He will turn your sorrows into joy.

He never said you only see sunshine,
He never said there would be no rain.
He only promised a heart full of singing
About the very thing that once brought pain.

Give them all, give them all, give them all to Jesus
Shattered dreams, wounded hearts, and broken toys.
Give them all, give them all, give them all to Jesus
And He will turn your sorrows into joy.

He sure has been doing it.

The latest Looks . .

2007-12-14T00:04:00.000Z

2nd Pic :Had this look till like last week, had no mind to cut my hair but an interview came up and so had to do it.

1st Pic : 4 months ago ..

will try and find some more and add them here..

Back Home Again ! !

2007-12-13T23:58:00.000Z

Well cant believe 2006 has gone by and 2 months has raced by in 2007 too. There were lots of moments where i had thought about writing and wrote blogs in my mind but hadn't sat down to write it. Think I have missed on a lot of posts but hey well it's never late to get started again.

Been a month now since I moved back to INDIA and looking back the last three months ! !

That was written early this year and now cant believe 2007 is about to pass by. Sometimes in retrospect things make more meaning and come to life, sometimes these are petty realizations sometimes they are pretty big decisions. Here I am back in the UK still trying to figure out why did I come this far, leaving the comfort of home behind, a music band, a good job and the opportunity to be with parents for Christmas.

In that sense life has always been that way for me, always had to leave the moment I get comfortable. may be in the years to come the pieces may fit but at the moment it is just simple trusting GOD just like how a blind man trusts his stick to do the leading. We used to sing this song in our fellowship years ago, your papa may let you down, your mama may let you down, your friends may let you down, your studies may let you down, MEN of the world may let you down but Jesus Never fails.. after all these years I can sing this song with conviction in my heart. There were times in my life when all was real, my folks let me down my friends and now my education but Jesus has remained faithful.

It was Billy Graham who said it with a deep sense of belief

""God is more interested in your future and your relationships than you are"" and as the scripture says in Jeremiah 29:11"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
New International Version (NIV)

and now is the time that I need to look back on 2007 and say GOD has a future and a hope for me which is not visible to my eyes but in HIS.

When GOD smiled ;-)

2007-12-13T23:17:00.000Z

Think it was in the month of November one of my friends shared this in our study group. One rainy day when he was also late to work he realized half way through that he had lost his purse. When you are on a tube in London in the peak hours chances are even if you let it down for a second it will be hard to find it.

He said he literally panicked for a while went all the way back home tried to take the same route back to work, and towards the end he said a small prayer asking GOD to take control of the situation and funny enough(as another friend always says) his wallet was inside his umbrella he was carrying all along.

Now comes the meeting point, the moment he realized that and he looked out he saw the bright clouds and imagined GOD smiling at him. All that he had to do was ask and rest in his assurance and not worry. He went on to say how most of he times in our lifes GOD is just looking down and smiling you know thinking , my son you are trying too hard. I have made it so easy for you for his scripture says " Cast all your care upon Him for He cares for you. (1 Peter 5: 7)".

Think at this moment in my life I am longing to hear and see what GOD is thinking about me, have I carried all my burdens even though I knew the truth.

When I think of the situations that trouble me I still don't have the answer, but I know the One who does, and I am going to spend today meditating on Psalm 91 especially verses 1 & 2 which say, "He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the LORD, 'My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.'"

I am sure the troubling situation would come back to mind and I would begin to feel anxious, but I also need to remember that as soon as I look to the Lord and remind myself to trust in Him.

That one Trip to Wales

2007-06-28T18:54:00.001+01:00

It sure is a nice to be going out with friends to places you have never seen before. This was one of those trips. We had a long day and a lot of traveling but before we finished we went to a shore in wales.. and it was jus awesome how the day turned to night... Traveling is so much fun . .

GOD is busy

2006-11-02T00:10:00.000Z

Good to be back to writing. I was telling myself that this blog will have to make sense to me before it can make sense to people.

Have you ever felt that there are too many thoughts that challenge something you believe.. or there are times when your mind is too mugged with thoughts that subconsciously you are actually trying to reason out certain things.. well I sure have felt that way.. I mean it is nothing depressing but over the last few weeks I have had this urge to challenge people/friends in some issues which I feel I am sure of. But every time I want to open up I just stay back and let the other person speak up . . it is not only spiritual issues that I am talking about it is also about business stuff and sometimes life issues..

this further led me to think hey am I actually loosing my self esteem in just backing off in conversations or am I losing my confidence just cause my brain has been hibernating. . well hmmm thoughts after thoughts. finally then Lord gently reminded me of this his Word that he is in control and reminded me of the verse from Jeremiah 29:11 "for i know the plans I have for you thoughts to prosper you and to give u a hope" and there is this peaceful feeling which engulfs my mind .. until I get back into another serious thinking session . . .

I know I am not a philosopher but I do babble with thoughts and concepts . sometimes it is hard to think at the right moment that GOD"s plan is to give me a hope for the future.. it seems so blurred and there are times when life goes on with a lot of disillusionment but that doesn't mean GOD is not working in our lifes.. Word of GOD says he is a GOD who never slumbers nor sleeps, and " He who has started his work in our lifes will not rest until it is finished " . . isnt that very encouraging that GOD is busy working the best for my life . .

Well this was something which i wrote months back but had saved it as a draft . .

God's Speaks thru silence !

2006-10-25T23:18:00.000+01:00

Well been some days now since I wrote a few lines.. Was just telling a friend of mine as to how the thought of writing down something makes me feel lazy... I have never ever enjoyed writing exams.. if i had to speak for 3 hrs on a topic or make a presentation on what i had learn t i wud gladly do but writing an exam for 3 hrss hmmm oooo(GOD help me) . . My mom has enough memories of me not writing a full exam though I had studied for it.. all that I wanted was a pass so once i got confident during my exam i had written enough to get a pass I wud quietly walk out come home and say all answers to my mom and lie to her saying that i wrote everything..

well . . I have always believed GOD speaks thru silence.. today was a very depressing day in the sense it was raining all day, the climate was very sober, none of my friends were online, had no work at home also to do basically i was job(s) less.. and i ended up spending a whole day jus sitting before my laptop and doing nothing.. I wanted to read a book I culdnt get around to do it, I wanted to work on a case study and keep my brains busy but didint end up doing it, wanted to sit and reflect on my learnings in my MBA didint end up doing it.. one of those verses where Paul says(in a diff not) what i want to do i dont do and what i dont want to do I end up doing . . .and not a minute did I think abt praying or singing songs . .

little did I realise that GOD was talking to me in his silence.. last friday I had called home to talk to my folks..actually they called to check how I was doing and I called them back.. and normally with my MUM(over the last few years) I try not to snap when she irritates me or goes thru her motherly concerns for her son,,, but this time she was asking something out of a MOM's concern for her son and I jus snapped yelling a few words of anger..and this is exactly what happened. . . I ended up doing what I didnt want to do...

truth was GOD showed me how stressed i was..though I didint show it out.. my frequent headaches(dnt tell my mom) over the weeks etc I knew I was stressing myself but with what . . well I realised I had been stressing myself thinking about my Future and my ambitions..though I didnt profess with my mouth my thoughts were in that direction . .how easy it is to trust in GOD and still in our thoughts try to steer our life and get worked up . . well at the end of the day it sure helped me to submit my career, my ambitions and my future in his hands and be obedient to his words "cast all your cares upon him for HE cares for you . . if i had done that before, my mum wud not have been at the receiving end of my anger . .

Well for ppl who are reading this.. next time u feel u r doing things u dont want/like to do ..jus pause to think what GOD's trying to show/teach you/me about yourself(myself) . . .

Finally remembering the scripture where it says " No eye has ever seen no ear has ever heard no mind has ever conceived what GOD has in store for those who love him" well makes me wonder and look forward to what GOD has got in store for my life . .

Cheers !

Kitchen Sure is a place for guys to learn ;-)

2006-10-13T16:46:00.000+01:00

This time around I decided I am not going to mention something that I learn t over the years but write about something that just crosses/crossed my mind in recent time. Well the last few weeks has been testing times, trying to keep myself occupied and not stay doing nothing(anybody have a good definition of nothing).

Think it was sometime mid last week or week before that me and my friend were cooking (ah well for those who know me i am cooking 50% ) and we were making a beef dish. Well I was doing all the cutting and the prep part while my friend was on the stove. Suddenly I was holding on to some mustard seed and for a minute I thought, GOD must be joking. He said all that u need to have is faith like a mustard seed. I mean did he really mean faith so little/small can move mountains.

Here am I putting all my faith(by his grace) in him to guide me into the future and holding on to this time, and if someone asked me to move a mountain wud I.. well yeah u know it ! Guess my human nature makes me think GOD must be joking to have made a statement like that but there's this truth in it when u know GOD sure means what he says. Wonder what size is my faith compared to a mustard seed.

I have realized that having faith is not about only in a particular situation or a phase in one's life but an act of constant and conscious acknowledgment that GOD is in control and I needn't worry. I remember this quote by Victor Hugo which I remember reading it years and years ago which says

""There are thoughts that are prayers. There are moments when, whatsoever the posture of the body, the soul is on its knees - Victor Hugo""

Well thats the way I feel now and be it in the kitchen or when I am in front of my comp the feeling is the same. I am sure most of us feel this way too more so when we are faced with a gamut of decisions which only you can and should make. Spent the whole day thinking should I write or not.. well then I am not good at writing but I am sure enjoying this at this point of time . . .

Still wanting to grow in faith and never think twice as to whether GOD is in control...

the sun's gone and it is getting darker one more day of my life in London has passed by......and somewhere in the corner of my heart I wish ... ah can time stand still !

Wasted Years !

2006-10-12T13:22:00.000+01:00

Was jus going through Don Moen's site and came across the inspiration behind the song " Lord I offer my Life". I always like to hear about what made people write or do certain things. Somewhere u feel there is a connection happening in being obedient to GOD and that fascinates me. Last month I went to his concert at KICC, i wasn't really going to meet or see this person but there is this presence of GOD when u sing his song and I wanted to feel that presence. Well i know wherever we are we can feel HIS presence but this was just like meeting another person just like u and me and who longs to touch the heart of GOD through worship.

Now to my topic wasted years.. i am a person who normally doest worry at any cost, but this one thing some how creeps in my subconscious .. what will i answer when GOD asks me about my wasted years, what reasoning will i give, though i don't ponder over it i sure keep thinking about it.

But then again one thing is to stay in ur past other thing is to move on with the years ahead, and GOD sure knows who we are and he is not going to ask us /me for a reason for my wasted years but he sure will bring it back as a blessing when i am willing to offer my life jus as i am. It is in this context that i love this song, and the words where it says, things in the past and things unseen, , visions and dreams that are yet to come true...

Read on about DOn's inspiration behind the song.

"I Offer My Life"

It was 10:30 P.M., and I was still in my office working on the final song list for John Chisum’s new project called “Firm Foundation.” I knew there was something missing on the list and I felt somewhere on this project we needed to say, “Lord I Offer My Life To You… Everything I’ve Been Through”, because this particular project was dealing with inner healing believing that God can restore everything that has been broken in your life. It was important to say something like, “God, I believe you can use all that I have been through for your glory, somehow.”

I decided to call Claire Cloninger who I love to write with. She is one of the most incredible lyricists I have ever known. I called her at 10:30 P.M., and after apologizing for calling so late, told her what I was looking for and played a bit of the chorus of the song over the phone. “Lord, I Offer My Life To You… Everything I’ve Been Through”, and told her what I think the song needed to say. In 15 minutes she faxed over some lyrics and we spent 10 more minutes on the phone tweaking this and that and by 11:00 PM the song was finished! I still sing this song at almost every concert.

One little bit of trivia here. There is also a pretty nice bridge to this song that we recorded on Firm Foundation but I have never used it when I sing the song live. I think the reason is because it’s a little tricky and a congregation could get lost singing it. I like to get right to the heart of a song and stay there.

Passion and Purpose ! !

2006-10-11T10:26:00.000+01:00

Well this is another lesson i learnt very early in life and it has crossed my mind more than once over the last few weeks so thought i'd write it down. Have u ever wondered whether our passions is god's purpose ? i mean i mite be very passionate about becoming a pastor but god's purpose for me wud jus be that i get out there in the corporate and touch people's life.. or even the other way round... so seeking god's purpose for our lifes is something to be thought about ..outside the passions we hold !

I am very passionate about playing music especially guitar and used to think ah now i know god's purpose for my life, when later GOD clearly showed me that his purpose for my life is something else.I am not saying that playing the guitar war worng or that i should not be doing it, it sure is a talent which i need to use for HIS glory.

Well i still havent figured out why certain things happened in my life, and the big picture as to what plans GOD has for my life, but i sure enjoy this moment looking back and seeing how the hand of GOD has been in my life. In HIS time he will make all things beautiful and he will not put me to shame.

This sure is a testing time, i know if i get back to India now i can start working and move on with my career. But i feel GOD brought me here for a purpose(it's not about finding a job) and he will reveal it to me after which i will be at peace leaving this country. Otherwise i guess i will fall back on my own understanding of my career and what i want to do with my life and not trust in his leading.

Happy reading. !

Trusting in Experiences ! !

2006-10-06T13:23:00.000+01:00

This sure has been a very purposeful lesson that i have learnt in my walk in christian life. The verse in provers which says "trust in the lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding " . It sure is a challenge each day now when i sit and aply for jobs and also when i used to work for an organisation. It is so easy for me to depend on my own understanding of things and situations as i am a person who learns through experience and observation more than reading from a book.

Everyday as i get reminded about this verse in one way or the other. Trust in the lord and not on ur own understanding. Thank Jesus for teaching me this through every situation. Life is not always the way we want it to be, especially for me over the last few years there are questions that arise in my subconscious abt decisions that i made. But at the end of the day there is so much comfort in thinking that god knows my desires of heart and he is faithful.

Remember the hand of the lord is not shortened to save ! !

Been reading "Dont waste your life" by John Piper . it sure is encouraging . .